scared

[skipton]

no thats not possible......i have my family here and i couldnt bear to be away.from them......it took me 5 years to get back to them......

[RFLH]

that makes it a bit more difficult then - have you got their support?

[skipton]

yes they support me as much as they can......but at the end of the day every one has got there own lives to get with .......i feel very alone and isolated......

[RFLH]

if you have them behind you - then you're not alone. I lost all my family when I stood by my husband, including children and grandchildren, but I'm very lucky in that I have brilliant friends.

[skipton]

i cant imagine how hard hard that was for you......can you tell me how you coped ....the stress and pressure must have been overwhelming.....if i could find some strenght from somewhere i might be able to start again......at the moment i cant see any future for me......

[RFLH]

it's not been easy skipton, on top of that my husband and I parted a few months ago - I think the last few months have been the hardest of my life and I think I've mentioned before that I've been so close to the edge its not funny.

Its been my friends and their love that's kept me safe. Bear in mind when I say friends, I've met very few of them - but they've been there for me on the end of a phone or by email when I've been truly desperate.

I'm not strong believe me, but I've kept going because dying isn't an option. I still have one child and I couldn't do that to them.

I have **** days, but good days now outweigh them and one day I'll be truly happy again - I'm getting there.

[skipton]

you seem very positive... i wish i could i knew where to find some.....i know i shouldnt be sitting here feeling sorry for my self but i feel so low.....its getting so bad i cant seem to be able to go outside the front door without having a panic attack......

[RFLH]

its been a long haul, facing the fact that I had huge MH problems was the first hurdle.

I'm getting help for that and its learning new life skills too. I'd become such a negative person I'm not surprised that I wasn't pleasant to live with!

I'm determined to be a more positive person from now on - I'm knocking on a bit so I refuse to waste the rest of my life sitting in a miserable heap! I can't get back what I've lost, but I'm determined to hang on to what I have! Including what few marbles I have left!

[skipton]

reading what you are saying shows me that maybe things can get better.....but it is all in the mind ...i am terriffied of everything........going out ....staying in .......thinking about things ....not thinking about things.......

[RFLH]

and its the thinking that causes the problems! The 'what ifs' and the 'I should have' - I've spent almost 6 months thinking like that and it will drive you nuts if you let it!

I had CBT and that taught me how to look at things in a different way - I thought that everything said or done was about me. I always, but always looked on the negative side and everything was black, never shades of grey. I must have been awful to live with!

I'm beginning to think in a different way, but I couldn't have done it without the help of a counsellor or my friends. Sometimes all it needs is a swift kick up the rear - I'm given one when needed!

I've also learnt that drinking doesn't help either! I can now have a glass and not sob into the nearest thing, so that's an improvement! Not every day is going to be good, but it now doesn't last a whole day and I know that the next day will be better - I'm learning to cope day by day, rather than trying to plan too far in advance.

I hope this makes sense to you and you can pick bits out and think 'yeah!' - I keep having eureka moments - where out of the blue something will pop into my mind and it makes complete sense of things that I couldn't make head nor tails of before. That's a brilliant feeling!

[Saffron]

Hi Skipton

My other half was exactly the same when he came home, and he had only served 6 months, so it must be even worse for you. It was little things that freaked him out - he couldn't handle the crowds in supermarkets, and freaked out when he first saw me pay for something by chip & pin. He thought everyone was staring at him and judging him. He refused (and still refuses) to be alone with any female that we do not know very well and our first social outings were very tough.

All I can tell you is that it does get easier. You have your family behind you, which is a real blessing. They can't be physically there for you 100% of the time - as you say, they have their own lives to lead - but they are always with you in your heart.

I would definitely recommend couselling. It doesn't work for everyone, but it helped me.

Don't rush yourself. You have been through a tremendous ordeal and it will take time until you are ready to face the world. Baby steps and small wins - cook yourself something nice, read a book, listen to some music. You will feel a sense of acheivement, which in turn will build your confidence.

Keep coming back - it's all better out than in.

[skipton]

you talk a lot of sence.....im trying to to find any little bit of order in my life to make it worth goin on ......its not easy all i seem to have are negative thoughts.....i came to forum i suppose because i thought talking to people in a simlar situation to my own would be able give me some support from there own experiences........i think it is early days for me......

[RFLH]

that's it in a nutshell saffron. I think we all think that we ought to be able to cope with anything that's thrown our way - and when we can't it makes it seem so much worse.

Everyone is human - we all cope in different ways - it may take one person a lot longer than others.

[skipton]

do you think i will ever feel better.......i think iwill feel like forever.....

[RFLH]

yes I do, but I can't tell you how long it will be.

All I can say is take each day as it comes and deal with it hour by hour. It takes practice but you can do it.

Treat yourself, a short walk, a bar of chocolate, a book/magazine anything that makes you feel happy for a while. Once you remember what that feels like you'll want to keep doing it to reward yourself.

This doesn't mean carte blanch for smoking/eating/drinking or shoplifting!!

There is light at the end of the tunnel skipton - I'm still here to tell you that, 6 months ago I didn't think I would be.