Accused of raping my step daughter from 14 to 17.

[Extremely anxious]

Hi 6 days ago the police came to the house and told me there had been allegations made about me, from my stepdaughter. They invited me for an interview the following day and I went in with a duty solicitor. I feel that I messed the interview up, but the duty solicitor says it was ok, I denied all the allegations. They let me out and have said nothing, I'm beside myself with suicidal thoughts and anxiety. If I get charged and convicted of this I'm looking at 15 years to life. I can't cope and don't understand what's going to happen. Could anybody fill any gaps in for me please.

[terrifieddad]

Welcome to the forum. So sad that yet another man finds himself here, but this is the right place and you will have all the support you need here.

Firstly, this is all too common these days and it can be comforting to know that you are not alone. The key to getting through this is to try and carry on with life as "normally" as you possibly can. I won't sugar coat it, this is not going to be a walk in the park.

Unfortunately, most people find this forum after the police have interviewed them. Whatever information you may have volunteered in your defence, it is vital that you give nothing away. The alleged victim will almost certainly not have given her formal interview yet, so anything you say may be put to her and things changed about the official story by the time this happens. Whatever else happens, do not give anything to the police, speak to your solicitor first.

With historic domestic rapes, whether of a child or an adult, the only evidence will usually only be the alleged victim's word. Miscarriages of justice can and do happen, but it is still up to the prosecution to prove that not only the alleged offences were committed, but that you were the person committing them. Whatever you do, NEVER doubt your own innocence. You are innocent of any crime until the jury returns a verdict of guilty. Of course your experience may well be that you are not treated that way. If you need to challenge any authority figure who presumes guilt, please do so calmly.

This is usually a very long process. The worst part about it is the waiting, especially if you are on police bail. There will be good and bad days. Your head will be all over the place. You will inevitably imagine the worst case scenario and will wonder what if any future you may have. The most important thing you can do is find something to occupy your mind until the next stage. There is absolutely nothing you can do to hurry the process along. It is this lack of control we find hardest to deal with and it is always worse early on. As time goes on you will find you have more "normal" days.

As long as you have faith in your innocence, you will get through this. As someone who has been charged with three counts of raping my wife and facing a similar possible sentence, I can tell you that after the initial shock of being charged, I now relish the opportunity to clear my name. Others will have different opinions, though most will tell you that even being charged is better than the endless re-bails most of us are subjected to. Yes fears remain, but the standard of proof the police and CPS seem to use to charge is a long way short of what most courts require to convict.

Above all, chin up. Look yourself in the mirror and tell yourself to get on with life and not let her beat you. We are here for you if you have a wobble.

[Extremely anxious]

I said a few things, but nothing that's not hard to find out. They said they had her video interview done. And wanted my medical records. The solicitor said this was ok. I won't be saying anything else to them.

[Extremely anxious]

They also interviewed her mother the same day and took some text messages. I should be seeing a crisis team as I'm having suicidal thoughts. This is hard. Very hard. And I signed a form for medical records and can't remember what it said. My memory is ****...

[terrifieddad]

I should have said, whatever you do, make sure you see a doctor. My GP was superb with me. Even the strongest of us have some very dark thoughts - especially early on. If you feel those thoughts getting the better of you, make sure you call someone. The samaritans are non-judgemental. And if you really feel like those dark temptations are going to overcome you - get to A&E as soon as you can. They are there to help you. But get an appointment with your GP as soon as possible. Just talking face to face is often enough to make a massive difference. Whatever you do, try not to spend time indoors alone. Get out, get some fresh air. If you have to be indoors, watch trash TV. If you are musical, play an instrument. My guitar has got me through the dark moments more than any medication did, but if you do need medication, make sure you get it and take it.

[Extremely anxious]

Thank you, I find it comforting to talk to someone in a similar predicament. I called my solicitor and asked how she thought the interview went. She says I got my point across and denied all allegations. I'm going to try what you say as I haven't gotten out since last Thursday. I've been shutting down. Again thank you.

[Casehardened]

Hi & a (sad) welcome to the forum,

You are still in shock but your emotions will be understood by all who have faced similar allegations but, as you mentioned, it is comforting in an odd sort of way to realise that you are not (by a considerable margin) the only person to have experienced this (and most come out the other side!)

Have a look at this link for some practical tips:

http://www.daftmoo.org.uk/mooforum/s...at-happens-now

[Broken-hearted]

Hi going through something similar but from a different perspective. I'm mum of a daughter who accused my partner (her step dad) of sexual abuse including rape from 11-15. In the middle trying to support both as best I can.

You do not mention whether you and her mum are still together or separated? Do you have a friend or family member you could confide in for support?

We are 6 weeks down the line, she has been interviewed, I've had to make a statement, property has been seized but he has not yet been spoken to by police but has been by the social worker.

I echo what others say, surround yourself with people who love and care for you, try and do "normal" things I know it is hard as I still feel that I am putting on an act and lying all the time to people, do things that keep your mind busy mine is riding as for that hour all I think about is not falling off, try and eat, maybe throw yourself into the gym or something new, speak with GP, do you have access to any talking therapies via gp or an employer of you are working, try to get some sleep when you can. Everyone on here says it's a long slog and that is daunting these 6 weeks feel like an eternity but I take comfort that they all say it does get easier and so should you.

[Lucky]

The feelings you are experiencing are very common to most people who face such allegations.

Don't do anything stupid, and remember, you are not alone.

Make sure you have a Solicitor you have faith in, there are lots of recommended ones you can find in the relevant thread in this forum, I always recommend Arcadian Law, as they are proven to get good results.

Once you got your lawyer sorted, make sure you sit down and bash out any queries with them. you have questions, your lawyers should try and provide answers, as nothing right now is that difficult to explain.

Keep using this forum, and ask freely here too. We will all do what we can to help mate.

[Rights Fighter]

If the OP has not been charged yet then he won't need to find a solicitor straight away unless he is reinterviewed/.

Which area are you in? From there we might be able to help you with representation.

[Extremely anxious]

I'm in Nottinghamshire, and my wife the girls mother is standing by me, she is very distraught as this is alleged to have happened years ago. I have just been to see a crisis team who have put me on something. I just want it all to end. Thank you all for your words.

[Rights Fighter]

http://www.qualitysolicitors.com/jor...ple/mark-newby

I am sure Mark would assist you. He works with legal aid

[Extremely anxious]

Thank you, I'll look at them. It turns out that my duty solicitor works for a firm that deals with this kind of thing.
She just says there is nothing else to do unless I'm charged. Because of the way legal aid is.

[terrifieddad]

You have taken a vital first step. What have they put you on? Sertraline? You will be up and down like a yo-yo for the next couple of weeks, but once it has settled down you will be fine. In the meantime, try to be as active as you can. Go for a walk. Join a gym. Do something creative. Your solicitor is spot on - there really is very little that will happen until the police and CPS have made up their minds. Only then, if you are charged, will you get to find out what they think they have on you. In the meantime, just go out and live.

[Extremely anxious]

G

I know, I think I'm making the mistake of reading the Internet and sentences. I'm paranoid and cracking up. Because I suffer from depression I'm focusing on a worse case scenario. I've not looked at my meds. I take them at night to make me sleep and help with my moods. This is my first night on them. I think I'm driving everyone mad.