advice sought?

[witsend]

Well folks, where do I start,,As many of you may remember our son was falsely accused this time last year and luckily his case was NFA'd. Then the real problems started culminating in him threatening suicide back before Xmas. He has learning difficulties and has found this whole ordeal terrifying and overwhelming at times. Before the allegation he had just moved into his own flat but over the months has spent more and more time back here with us. He has now spent 3 solid months at home now, with just the occasional few hours in his flat and even then gets in a panic. What he would like to know is, is there anybody else that has found themself in a similar situation and how did they resolve it? Thanks for reading.

[largactyl1]

Hi Witsend, can I ask what sort of learning difficulties your boy has?

I would have thought he would need help with his mental health and so your first stop would be your GP. Is he in supported housing? If so the a support worker should be available to make an action plan along with him, yourself and other agencies involved. I would think that a qualified social worker/psychiactric worker should be at the hub of this support.

If he is gradually re-introduced to the world - even if he just goes to his place for an hour a day and then gradually builds up - sometimes with you, sometimes with worker and then a little time on his own etc. It would be best if when going in alone, he should have a specific task so that he doesn't get too panicky.

If he is not in supported housing, but in Council or Housing Assoc. then a Tenant Support officer should be available to help in the same process. Psychiactric services need to be involved heavily if he is suicidal, he needs a referral (or appt. if he already has a psych) ASAP as this is an emergency. He will need a Care Plan (or review) to take into account this current crisis after the terrible stress he has been under. Slowly but surely he can rebuild his confidence and state of mind in order to re-start his independent living.


Very best wishes
Jen x

[largactyl1]

Also, concentrating on something like decorating his home (as a sort of new start as well as something to keep him occupied) could help. If he has a particular interest, this could provide security ( particularly with people on the autistic spectrum - I don't know if this is his learning difficulty or not) and could be incorporated into improving his new home as a theme or somesuch.

I'm just throwing ideas around really with this particular thought, but before I was medically retired from teaching my specialism was kids with all kinds of behavioural problems ( all aspects of behaviours - not just badly behaved or anything). Maybe totally inappropriate ideas for yr boy, or maybe you've already thought of it. Hope I'm not being a pain.

Anyhoo, best wishes

[LS]

Hi Witsend, I'm in that exact same situation, and I haven't found a way forward as yet.

Before my ordeal I was outgoing, happy, confident, worked all the hours god made and had a good working relationship with people both personally and professionally.

I couldn't cope and moved back in with my folks. Now I sit indoors on the pc. I wouldn't say I'm agoraphobic but I won't go out unless it's critical. I used to happily window-shop but if I need anything now it's a mad dash into that one shop and back home again.
It's not the land which terrifies me, it's the people in it. No doubt if I could go shopping at 4am and not encounter a soul I'd be fine. Even (close) relations like my sister visit and I'm off to my room. I just can't be doing with it.

Been 4 years since my ordeal, coming up to 3 years since my release. It's not getting easier, it's a struggle to not get worse. I know when my folks pass on, there's precious little here for me and I'll probably follow on days after them.

Haven't got anywhere medically, MIND don't seem to be very prevalent around here, GP just refers me to a counselling centre (or church, if you can find one) and my local Daycentre just weren't helpful at all and suggested voluntary work. I just got the impression no one either knows how to help, or just can't be bothered. From what I've read, my prognosis would be akin to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder crossed with Clinical Depression.

I know these aren't the words you want to hear, but I just hope your son's outlook is a lot different and that his being so young may give him some optimism that being in my 40s I don't have.

I guess the first thing you could try to get him is an appointment with someone prepared to acknowledge the problem, and that's the bit I'm having trouble with.
Good luck.

[witsend]

thanks

thanks to all those that replied! Our son falls into the autism spectrum, aged 30 and we are VERY lucky to have got a psychiatrist AND psychologist from our learning difficulties team on board. This only happened when he was contemplating suicide and I ended up hysterical on the phone to them. LS your reply in particular rang a bell and I will get my sob to read it as it was him who asked me to post this thread in the first place.

[LS]

I would just say that what many of us have been put through is harrowing enough without there being a disability on top, but I think one of the common things that seems to come through is a distrust/mistrust of people, society, individuals and authority.

Having not only been falsely accused but falsely convicted too, I came back out with a hatred, a real dislike of this country. It was a case of "if that jury were representative of this country, then I want nothing more to do with it."
I made a real point to myself that I would never get involved again with anyone from this country, or with anyone from any country whilst in this one. I also told myself that I would happily ignore everything going on around me: if someone was raped/mugged/murdered I would walk on by. See nothing, hear nothing. After all, they've only got their own country to blame, why should I lose any sleep over it?

However, I cannot shake off the goodness in me, and of course I'm the first to help (through gritted teeth, mind). I came here to find solace amongst those who've been through the same situation, yet here I am helping out(!!?)

You tend to find blatant hypocrisies in seemingly normal events. Typical example, this country's army marched into someone else's country and deposed them. "Be like us" we said, "have a regime like ours." Look beneath the surface and our regime is so corrupt it's unreal - unrestrained bureaucracy, the fat in it to get fatter, and blatantly, inherently wrong and unjust acts pass by daily with not so much as a sideways glance.

For miscarriages of justice to occur with such regularity, yet to be almost mundane. Incorrect convictions and accusations should be a rarity, not the norm.

I may have got it worse than many, but I have noticed that the main thing seems to be a lack of trust as a result of these ordeals, and all that it produces is cynicism, anxiety and isolation so that no one can hurt you any further.

[witsend]

Dear LS
I can fully understand what you are saying, there is a major trust issue going on with our son, he readily admits he will never trust anyone again. This was a so called "friend" that did this awful thing to him so how on earth could he trust anyone again. This whole country has gone to the dogs, if you try to lead a normal life everything seems against you, if you are a downright b-----d, hell the worlds your oyster. One thing i would like to say though..... our Army marched into another country on the orders of the government after siding with a "super power"?? It wasn't actually the decision of your regulars,,I know this because our other son was one of those soldiers. So whilst dealing with all this s==t our other son was in Afghanistan. I and other are REALLY grateful that you advise and support on here, without people like you where would we be? Thankyou

[largactyl1]

Hi Witsend, so glad you have support from Psych team - sometimes it can be so hard to get heard. I really hope that your son can get his independence back and possibly be able to trust some people again.

Kind regards
Jen

[witsend]

Jen, have my fingers crossed that we can move forward. he is off out on his own today for the first time in months, just hope he doesn't have a major panic attack!!!!

[Saffron]

Hi Witsend

I can't add anything to the advice that has already been given, but wanted to wish you and your son luck for his outing today xx

[witsend]

will let you know how things go later