help needed please

[nicosticko]

Hey there so just today i was accused of non consensual sex. The alleged act took place on september 29th, and allow me to first say i am 100% innocent of these allegations. I live in the US.....I was hosting a party at my house, when a friend of a friend who i had had several conversations with prior to this even showed up we had a small conversation at the party that involved flirting. She left back to her house.(she is roommates with 4 good friends of mine)at the conclusion of the party i went back with one of her roommates a good friend of mine to have a drink, since i had yet to drink that evening.(since i was hosting a party i did not want my house to burn down.)when we came in the house she came out of her bedroom, and my friend went into his room with a girl he had met that night. The Accuser and I talked on the couch for about 10 minutes then decided to move to her bedroom so we wouldn't disturb anybody that may be sleeping, while in her bedroom we talked a bit more then began kissing, she then asked me if i had protection i said no, she then told me to go to her drawer and get a condom, we proceeded to have sex 2 times. Afterwards we fell asleep together, and i awoke earlier in the morning to get to a prior commitment. I said bye gave her a kiss and left. Since that day i have seen her 4 times, none of them being awkward. Then today 12/11/09 i get a call from the police saying they would like to question me over a complaint of non consensual sex with this women. The officer who called was a Sgt, and arranged a meeting with me for tuesday 12/15/09....i have no idea of what to do i am so scared, these charges are complete Lies!!, and i have no idea why on earth she would do this...i am a college student and so i am very poor, i come from a very low income family that would never be able to help financially...on top of that i am at college 3000 miles away from home!i need advice!
Please and Thank You

[Saffron]

Hi Nicosticko

First of all I must say that I do not really know much about the American legal system, so I can't advise you on the process. However there are some practical things you can do to get things as straight as possible.

First of all, write down everything you can remember about the evening. Even the most trifling detail could potentially be useful. Was the girl drunk, did she come on to you, did anyone see you flirting/kissing, etc.

Please remember that when you are interviewed you have the right to legal representation. It is essential that you are not interviewed without a lawyer present. As you cannot afford to pay for a specialist lawyer, you must use the duty one. Please don't assume that as you are innocent you do not need legal representation.

You do not have to answer any of the police questions, although if it does get to court the jury will be advised that you did not "co-operate".

As the sex took place at the end of September, there will be almost nothing in the way of physical/DNA evidence. This does not mean that the case will not progress, however. Very often it is the case of one word against another, and the one who is "believed" is the one who comes across as being the most credible, even in a court of law. I know of one case in the US where a good, kind man was falsely accused by his own daughters. No evidence at all, beyond their word, and one of them was proven in court to be a liar, yet the jury still convicted him. He is now serving 30 years.

Do you have any messages, text or email from her sent after the event? If so, it is important that you keep these and pass them to your lawyer.

I don't want to alarm you, but you need to be prepared for the worst-case scenario. Have you got any friends you can talk to? It is important that you have as much emotional support as possible.

In the meantime, stay well clear of this girl, and try not to contact any mutual friends. I know you are going through a very frightening and disturbing experience, but you must remember that you are not alone. Keep strong and keep posting - better out than in!

Best

Saffron

[VeryWorried]

Hi,

Very good advice from Saffron above.

The only real things to add are as follows:

If I were you, I'd be concentrating on the times that you met her after the night you two shared. Was there anyone else present that can comment on her behaviour? Specifically her reaction to seeing you?

Also, linked to Saffron's comment, do keep posting here, it really does help. However, be careful not to say anything that would be identifiable to you. Whatever you post can be found by the police, and used in court.

As you can tell by my screen name, I have been through the journey you are about to start. I wish you the best of luck with it, and I'll keep an eye on this thread for any advice I can offer along the way.

I wish you the best of luck for a speedy resolution.

[nicosticko]

help needed please

Thanks for the help
That is great advice to write down everything that happened, the hardest part is that it was so long ago...To my knowledge she was not under the influence, however she does smoke marijuana regularly. There are no text messages or phone calls between us from that night, however i do have some people that saw us at the party flirting...if it does come down to credibility i have never been in any trouble in my life, i am involved in my church, and am a student athlete...I am fortunate enough to have a great group of friends where i am at to support me through this...my biggest concern is that i am leaving to go home for xmas vacation in 5 days!and will be gone for a month...and i am also attempting to finish up final exams over the course of this upcoming week..I attempted to call the public defenders office, but they told me that i can not be appointed a public defender until i am arrested, and my goal is to stay out of jail...I dont understand how a person can do this.....this women that is accusing me is part of a feminist movement, and it is my belief she is trying to gain some pity or attention from all these people, she is a very promiscuous girl and been known to be involved in orgy's...i have a meeting for some free legal advice on monday 12/14. so hopefully that will be very informative....i am just so scared, i have yet to tell my family of the situation, my mother would die if she heard these allegations i was unable to sleep last night, and have been researching as much as possible, and fully understand the type of trouble i could be in, but i still dont understand this because i feel i should be able to just tell the police the truth, i am not a lier i never have been i am a good guy, that made a mistake of having a one night stand!thank you for your support..
Nicosticko

[friday]

hi nicosticko,
sorry to hear you are in this situation. hopefully it won't come to getting arrested but as the others have said, you need to prepare for the worst. can't add anything to what everyone else has said other than my support.

i just wanted to highlight one thing you have said that i think is irrelevant and should not be brought up in court you said she is promiscuous and has been known to participate in orgies but the past sexual history of a woman does not make her exempt from being a victim of rape. people have fought to prevent past sexual history being brought up as it only supports the myth that if a woman is promiscous she "is asking for it". whether rape occurs to a virgin or a woman who has slept with 1000 men is not the issue. it is the fact it was done against the persons wishes.

[Rights Fighter]

hi nicosticko,
sorry to hear you are in this situation. hopefully it won't come to getting arrested but as the others have said, you need to prepare for the worst. can't add anything to what everyone else has said other than my support.

i just wanted to highlight one thing you have said that i think is irrelevant and should not be brought up in court you said she is promiscuous and has been known to participate in orgies but the past sexual history of a woman does not make her exempt from being a victim of rape. people have fought to prevent past sexual history being brought up as it only supports the myth that if a woman is promiscous she "is asking for it". whether rape occurs to a virgin or a woman who has slept with 1000 men is not the issue. it is the fact it was done against the persons wishes.

Absolutely correct Friday. Just because somebody is known to be promiscuous or enjoy orgies does not preclude her from being raped. She still is fully entitled to turn somebody down - say "no" - to sex.

[nicosticko]

yeah i agree, and thak you for the advice..i spoke with a criminal defensive lawyer today, and he has agreed to meet with the police department n my behalf, and for free, he is a really good man, and i really appreciate his help, nice to know people still help other people in this world. He is going to get as much info as possible on the case, i.e where we are at in terms of the actual investigation, and it was nice to have found this website so i was not completly in the dark about the situation i am in...the hardest thing i had to deal with is the fact that i may not be able to go home for xmas, i am a very family oriented erson, and have not seen my amily in a very long time and this would not only crush me but them aswell...thanks for all the support i'll keep you posted!

Nicosticko