help - advice needed!

[harmony09382]

i was raped by someone i knew back in 2006 - we'd become close friends and i was able to confide in him. one evening i went round to see him for a chat and a cup of tea when he kissed me - i kissed him back for a matter of seconds and then said no - he kept trying and i said no again. he then started clambering on top of me and i said no for a third time but he carried on - my mind went into total shutdown and he raped me. it was all over in a matter of minutes (thankfully) and he said that he thought it was best if no-one knew about it. I was scared he'd tell my husband and blamed myself - if i hadnt have kissed him back in the start it wouldnt have happened?? I kept it to myself until 9 months ago when i realised that it wasnt my fault and the important thing was i said no but he carried on. it's pretty much ripped my life apart and i'm finding it harder now than i was when it first happened.

i'm waiting for couselling but am also thinking about reporting it to the police. If they even question him, i know he would lie through his teeth and i don't want to get myself into a horrible battle and go through re-living it and seeing him again but i don't want him to get away with it incase he's done it before of might do it again.

can i have opinions on whether i should speak to the police and the likely outcomes?

thank you

[friday]

i've replied to another of your threads so won't repeat what i've said but just know that you (unfortunately) are not alone. glad to hear you are seeking counselling, i hope it helps. it is unlikely it will go to court unless he admits it or tries to say he has never met you when you can prove he has (e.g in my case he first tried to pretend he was someone else but i knew he had a tattoo in a place i wouldnt have seen if he was wearing a shirt). did he have any scars on his chest, stomach etc that would prove he had taken off his clothes? remember that if he was your friend then he could say he showed you his tattoo, scar etc.

if you report it to the police they will present the case to a magistrate who will decide if there is enough evidence to go to crown court

i hope whatever you decide to do works out.

[Rights Fighter]

It is the Crown Prosecution Service who will make the decision as to whether the matter will proceed. Not the magistrates.

The police put the case together, send it to the CPS who then decide whether it has a possibility of getting a conviction.

If they decide to proceed the matter will first be heard at the Magistrates court (a formality as it is an indictable offence) and from there would proceed (be committed) to the Crown court.

Right up until trial there is always a chance that the case could be NFA'd (No Further Action'd) if it is considered that an abuse of process has taken place or that further evidence has come to light that would give positive indication defendant is innocent.

[isi]

I cant offer much but my understanding of how hurt you are feeling.. I am so sorry rhis happened to you and I hope that counceling helps.

If you do decide to go to the police do try and remember everything that happened. You have to weigh up how you would feel if you do go to the police and if it did not get to court. You may feel liberated as a woman to stand up for what you believe in or it ay tear you apart inside. either way it is entirely up to you. It is traumatic going to the police but they are there to help.

My experience is different to friday as he was foud guilty but each case is different.

good luck and if you need to chat.. offload..rant we are here.

take care

Isi

[harmony09382]

thanks for your help - it's really good to have advice from others who have been through the same things as you. Although my friends are supportive, i don't think they really understand...

[friday]

you may not think they will be able to support you but you could be pleasantly suprised. i didnt tell my family for almost 2 years but i was so relieved when they found out, it explained so much for them about the way i had been acting etc.