Marital Rape while Sleeping?

[Rights Fighter]

I've left a couple of relationships where somebody has assumed they can just take what they want while I've been asleep. I don't hang about for it to be repeated.

[scot]

I'm foreign and I can't understand why it is rape? Yes it can be called rape but you are in marriage and if you go to police they will jailed him. I had experience when I was asleep, my girlfriend suck and i woke up she was on me. Is that rape? May be Yes, it wasn't consent between us. Try to speak with him and if he continue just leave him alone may be he would be smarter

[Rights Fighter]

Scot, there is a big difference between penetrating a woman while she sleeps and trying to arouse somebody gently, within the confines of marriage.

[shalyn]

how did the counselling go for you

Isi - thanks very much 4 ur reply. I have contacted marriage counselling and spoke to my husband yesterday, and after much debate, he has agreed 2 counselling. I am going 2 sleep on the floor in my babies room until we get it sorted as I desperatley need sleep. Thanks again - my mind is ready 2 explode with all the thoughts going round my head, it helps 2 know u dont think i am crazy x

hi ,this has happend to me beetween the years of 1998/2002 i was so upset by it has at the time i was taking slleping pills so i didnt know a thing about it ,but for the last 5 years i wont share the same bed has him,ive devolped this strong hatred towards him ,and wonderd if you have now sorted this out through the the help of the counseller?have you now move on from it ?how did you forgive and re build you love and trust,im a bit confussed about it all, i want to save my marrage but carnt seem to rebuld the trust,love to know how you coped with it
take care x

[Faith]

shalyn, that is a long time to be feeling these kind of negative emotions in your marriage. Effectively, your marriage has been hit with this since 1998...thats 14 years that this has been hanging over you.
I assume you have confronted your husband over the things that happened? he will have no doubt that this has emotionally and physically effected you and I am amazed that your marriage remains intact with you sleeping seperately for so long and there being hatred for that length of time.

You need to ask yourself how salvageable it is. Is your husband willing to change? Does he accept that he was bang out of order? Has he made efforts to reconcile with you and make you feel safe?
If the answer is yes, then I would consider counselling as, with both of your input, you might finally make headway.
If the answer is no, I would really have a long think about whether you want your husband in your life at all.
You sound as if you want your marriage to work...but it isn't something you can do yourselves if you haven't managed for this long. Seek professional help from a counsellor and see where it goes. Take care.

PS I also may be that this has affected you as a traumatic experience more than you now. Even if the sleeping tablets did make you unaware, you still woke up to feelings of betrayal and violation. In the eyes of the law and in all logic, you were taken advantage of during a time when you did not give consent. That is technically rape, whether he is your husband or not. Without trying to be an alarmist...as a victim of rape, you might want to pay a visit to your GP. It may be that not confronting it as the ordeal that it was is the reason you haven't been able to overcome your marriage difficulties.

[billc]

marriage contract is NOT a perpetual consent to sexual contact

... lets be honest and realistic, marriage vows yes means yes...

That unfortunately is how many people choose to believe (in error).
Some people still believe a woman is a form or property a man purchased when they signed a marriage contract. They also believe each month the man contributes financially to the household renews this ownership arrangement. If a woman does not perform the appointed function of relieving her husbands sexual tension regularly he is no longer required to contribute. This is a form of slavery, prostitution and it is an abomination. Living like this kills a human soul.When such a woman finally stands up for herself she is often called liar by even her own family who should know better. She is victimized all over again by her rapist when she finds herself without emotional support. And while the man may have and point to many virtues, it does not make him less of a rapist. In his mind he felt he had the right to do what he did to her. Such a man will never accept responsibility for his behavior. He will always retract any statement which could validate the victims story. Whatever apology that comes will be vague and deflecting blame to ease his burden and put the focus on the flaws of the victim. He will use whatever means available to perpetuate the idea that it is the victim who is over-reacting and therefore ill...and not he himself who needs help and held accountable. Such a man will re-offend if victims remain silent. The emotional carnage will continue until he is exposed for what he is. At least if a victim has the courage to come out of the shadows, others will not follow ignorantly her shoes. That may be the only good that comes from speaking up. With good reason many are afraid to take that step.

[RFLH]

never believe anything that FrankGallagher posted - he is a bad 'un.

[Boys don't cry]

Some people...

Welcome to the forum Billc and thank you for stating the word "Some"in your first post.

Some husbands are falsely accused and not like this.

[DantesG]

Disgraceful Behaviour

I'm fairly new to this site and have been reading some stories, this one is perhaps the most disgraceful behaviour from someone who is supposed to love, respect and protect all those he cares about....

That you should be so fearful in your own home and with a young child must be very painful for you, my heart bleeds for you and hope that you soon find peace In the path you choose.