My Daughter was raped on her way home

[blackpool]

It was a family birthday, and my daughter, a mother herself, walked a short distance home on her own.

She was attacked and raped. She did not report the incident for two or three days, until friends pushed her.

Six months later, I found out, not through my daughter, but through some paperwork I saw at her home.

I talked to her sympathetically, and encouraged her to talk to me. She told me she did not know her attacker. She has slowly told me a little more of the incident, but feels embarassed/angry/secretive/guitly/made bad decisions?!.

Meanwhile, she has not been coping well, her children have been put on the "at risk" register.

Next month there is to be a court case.

She has not sought any help, saying she will deal with it nearer the time.

What can I do to help? What agencies are there out there that can help her, as she does not feel able to confide in me. Not that I know anything useful!

Any angencies/ideas/websites you can suggest, would be appreciated.

[Saffron]

Hi Blackpool

if there is to be a court case, Victim Support should have already got in touch with your daughter. www.victimsupport.org.uk. You could also try www.rapecrisis.org.uk. both organisations will be very gentle and sympathetic, and will be able to help both your daughter and yourself cope. they will also be able to explain the legal process, and tell you what to expect at court.

Good luck. I know how difficult it is to see someone you love suffering. I hope it all goes well for you.

Saffron

[annaaaa]

She should have reported it straight away so he doesn't do it to other women.

[RFLH]

Hello Blackpool, what an awful thing for you all to be going through. Try to encourage her to talk about it, whether to you, friends or trained counsellors.

I don't see why the SS has taken an interest in this, I'm sure that you're helping her as much as you can.

Please keep posting so that we can help to support you both.

[Rights Fighter]

annaaaa your comment is not particularly helpful!

RFLH it is possible that SS are involved on a totally separate matter and had noticed the young mum has been overly distressed on a routine visit.

The links provided by Saffron should help this young lady but then only if she chooses to use them. Some people do not like the label of "victim" - however survivors are born of being victims.

Blackpool I reiterate what the other posters have said: encourage her to talk to her doctor to get some sort of emotional assistance.

Had I been up north still (I take it you are in Blackpool?) I would have provided a shoulder. However I am sure you will find some sort of rape crisis group up in that area. I know that there are some good counselling and therapy centres around that area.

Please keep coming back and if you can encourage your lass to as well.

[isi]

Hi Blackpool

I have recently been through a court case and it is draining and scary. Your dauhter will need all the support she can get even if it is helping to look after the kids while she hides in her bedroom sleeping or just smply trying to relax. I mentally broke down and could not cope with life but I am slowly getting better. Rape affects people in the most awful way.

I take it the police have found her attacker if it is going to court? This must be so confusing for your daughter and I think just being there at her disposal and not judging anything that your daughter does will help her greatly. Reasuring her that you believe her and that it is not her fault is so important.

Maybe suggest to your daughter to speak to a councelor. I have been seeing a councelor for months and it has really helped.

Jeep posted about how you are getting on.

[friday]

with regards to her children being on th "at risk" register, the community law society can provide information on her rights (e.g lawyer), as well as explain the procedures and what she can request from the local authority (e.g additional childcare, children stay with a relative until she feels more able to cope etc).

regarding the rape, i'm not suprised she didn't tell you. i didn't tell my mum (my step brother told my stepfather) because i was worried she would feel she hadn't done enough to protect me, or that she would think i was to blame (when of course the rape victim almost always believes she is to blame in some way, whereas a mother would hopefully and probably not).
she will seek help in her own time and her own way. the police will have given her numbers of services but she will know when is the right time to use them, for her.

sorry to hear you are in this awful situation, and that your daughter has had to deal with one of the most disgusting crimes known to mankind. when she is ready she will ask for your help so look after yourself so you will be able to look after her when the time comes.