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december 29 2007

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  • december 29 2007

    HI, my name is brittany..I am from the US..but i dont feel comfortable to say where...I am 19 years old and i have been sxually assulted..i dont feel comfortable using the word rape...it scares me...I have not slept in about a week now...atleast bot more than an hour at a time....im hoping that this site can help..just so that i can get my voice out there...

    It happened saturday, deceember 29, 2007...i was at a bar with my friends mark and rebecca...rebecca was taking me out that night because i was depressed about my boyfriend being gone for my birthday...which was new years eve...i decided to ask mark to go (my boyfriend's "best friend") bc i didnt feel safe with just us girls going out...now the bar we went to Honey's has always been known for selling to underage people...i ahd been going here for a long time..anyway...i was having a good time with my friends until i started feeling uncomfortable with mark...he kept telling me i needed to break up with stevo and go to him so i started backing away from him...i told rebecca that i was gonna go get another drink..by this time i was pretty tipsy but i was fully aware of everything around me...i went up to the bar and the bartender was taking awhile...and there was this guy standing next to me...he offered to buy my drink..no big deal right?..ive had guys buy my drinks before..so i walked back over to my friends and started talking to them...he came over to me and gave me my drink...he introduced himself..and i felt kinda weird around him but i didnt think anything of it..the one and only thing i actually remember him actually saying to me is "you have brown eyes like me so your full of **** too"...the way he said it just freaked me out but once again i didnt really do anything about it...(later on rebecca told me that i actually asked her to get me away from him and she told him and he refused)..now i admit that i kissed him...but evrything beyond that i didnt want...i dont know how i got outside..how i got to his car..the next thing i remember is being either pushed or pulled into the backseat...i dont believe i was awake the entire time...at the time i was on my period and i was wearing a tampon...he did what he did with it still in me..at some point he wiped blood on my shirt..he did everything he possibly could...i kept crying and telling him i wanted to go inside..i told him no...but he had not had enough...i remember being able to see out the window...we were int he parking lot...after that i dont remember...i dotn know how i got back into the bar...all i know is that he left me there...the next thing i know rebecca is driving up and she brings me to the hospital..according to her she thought that i had found a ride home and she left...mark left also because he was mad at me...the only person that was there still was her boyfriend thomas who called her...and drew..drew told me later that i was screaming and crying and wandering in the parking lot..i dont even remember seeing him...i was sent to the hospital...then to another...i was given the rape kit BY A ****ING MAN...it was the most embarrassing scray horrifying...painful experience i have gone through...i could not walk for a good week...i didnt sleep either..i had bruised ribs..and a messed up knee...he did not beat me but the force hurt me...on top of that my boyfriend told me i deserved it and broke up with me on my birthday...the man who sexually assulted me was arrested in florida and spent two weeks and 2 days in jail..when he got sent to louisiana someone in his family put up the entire 250,000 to bail him out..he has been charged with aggravated rape..and im still waiting on dna to come back and the next step is trial...if he was smart he would have killed me...he is able to put up money and walk free while i have to explain myself and feel damaged for something he did to me...i jsut dont kknow what to do...and im scared to go anywhere...i thought i saw him the other day...actually im almost 90% sure..but im told that im being paranoid...i cant take much more....please help

  • #2
    Hello Brittany

    I am so sorry to hear of your ordeal. You need to get some counselling/therapy as soon as possible, and gather as much support as you can. have you spoken to your mum and dad about this? the hospital you went to should be able to refer you to a good therapist, and the police might be able to as well. in this country we have a system called Victim Support - there should be something similar in the US.

    You have done the right thing by going to the police, and the fact that this man has already been charged is good. I am not sure how the system works in the US, but part of his bail conditions should be that he does not approach you. If you think you saw him you should report it to the police as soon as possible, even if you are not 100% certain.

    Your boyfriend is an idiot if he thinks you deserved it, and you are better off without him. Please try not to think of yourself as a victim, but as a survivor - it will make you feel stronger. Talk to people - your friends and your family. Don't worry if you can't face going out, these emotional wounds can take a long time to heal. When you feel really down, try to do something to take your mind off it - read a book, listen to some music, do some housework. You may feel alone, but you are not.

    Good luck, I hope it all works out for you.

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