Hi newbie here : My Story

[LaLa89]

There doesn't seem to be many people using this particular section so I dunno if anyone will read this anyway I feel like writing it down and someone reading it will make me feel better so here goes:

On Friday I had a complete breakdown and told my mum I was raped 11 years ago, it was really hard as I haven't told anyone but I was having a panic attack and I just couldn't keep it in anymore. I felt relief at telling her but now I feel bad because I told her to promise not to tell anyone, maybe I should tell her she can? I told her to not tell family anyway as I couldn't deal with the looks and sympathy.

Basically I was 18 years old and in a friend with benefits relationship with this guy I actually really liked him and thought I was in love with him uh I was stupid. We met up one night and long story short he raped me but at the time I didn't think it was rape I thought it was an accident because even though he put his penis inside me and I said no & was crying he only did a few strokes then stopped. So at the time I thought it was an accident he said sorry and stupidly I believed him he never raped me again but I did have consensual sex with him another time which was weird, then we never spoke again.
I have always been disgusted with myself for having consensual sex with him and still am today because in a way he could say we had consensual sex and that other time was an ''accident''.

So for the last 11 years my life has been awful I rarely leave the house, I have panic attacks outside and inside, I take anti depressants and I just feel so useless. I don't even know what to do anymore, I still live at home at 29, I have no one to talk too and I feel like I've just destroyed my mums life, she hasn't said a word to me about it since Friday. I feel better for finally saying something but also like rubbish too.

Also I was wondering do you ever get over it?

Thanks for reading.

[Peter1975]

Hello LaLa,

I'm very sorry that you find yourself here and very sorry to read your story as well.

You are right, we don't get many posters here on this side of the site and we have no regular contributors that I'm aware of but you are very welcome here nonetheless.

It sounds to me like you need to speak to someone other than your mum, perhaps a trained counsellor from a support organisation such as rape crisis could help you get things into perspective and suggest ways of coping with how you feel about the past so that you can move on with your life which seems to be what you really want and deserve to do.

I'm sure your mum will be ok, she is perhaps a little shocked and still trying to process things.

Please take care.

[LaLa89]

Hey Peter,

Thanks for replying I'm guessing not that many people want to discuss this subject (I don't blame them tbh).

I've had a GP appointment and have been referred for counselling so hopefully that'll help me.

Just getting it out has been a relief, I still feel guilty putting that on my mum though but have told her she can tell someone.

I will look up rape crisis and see what they do.

All the best x

[Peter1975]

Hi Lala,

I'm sure you will find a great many people that will share their similar experiences with you just not so much on daftmoo! There has been the recent #metoo campaign for instance and just tonight I came across this article on the BBC which has some useful links at the end:

https://www.bbc.co.uk/bbcthree/artic...e-3a5ba92d8bea

There is a list of helplines and organisations on the this morning website too:

https://www.itv.com/thismorning/rape-helplines

I'm glad that you have spoken to your GP, counselling and "getting it out" seems like an obvious but nonetheless difficult first step and you can be proud of yourself for taking it.

Try not to feel guilty about your mum, parents never stop worrying about their children but are always glad to be there for support. If you can't tell your mum who can you tell?

[LaLa89]

Thanks Peter and thanks for the links I will definitely take a look at them.

And you're right if I cant tell my mum then who else

[Franticwithworry]

Hi LaLa89. Sorry I'm a bit late to this. This side of the site is very quiet and I haven't been around as much lately either. That said I can't really add anything to Peter1975's always excellent advice.

Even so, I wanted to reinforce his comment about your Mum. Speaking as a Mum, yes, we always worry. Chances are she knew something was wrong and will be mightily relieved that she now knows what it is that is troubling you. Confiding in your Mum is part of your job description and being there to be confided in is part of hers. :-) I very much doubt that you have destroyed her life - more as Peter says, she needed time to process this huge news and to work out how best to support you.

Hopefully she is talking to you about it now or at least giving you big cuddles if you want them.

We are always here to 'talk' to too, even if you have to wait a bit for a response.