Need advice on wifes past situation :(

[garnetdagger]

Hi everyone, with deep sorrow i am writing this post, its going to be hard but i will give it a go.

I am posting behalf of my wife whom i have been married to for 6 years, she is 24 i am 25. We met when we was really young I was 15 she was 14 and was together for a year and we split up.

In the year or 2 we was split up we had different partners, we eventually got back together , and have been together since with 4 beautiful children.

Anyways i knew of all the partners she as been with in the past. But recently she come clean to me about a certain one of them as he was in the newspaper for selling drugs and is doing some years for it.

She told me after breaking down crying, the truth what happened with him. He was around 21 she was 15, She told me how he groomed her, took her shopping, bought her presents, And he got a new car and asked if he gets a present as the car is for her, another night he got her drunk at a friends house and took her upstairs, she told me she didn't want to have sex but he said "its too late now, you turned me on" and proceeded. The next day they was talking and she said she didn't want to and he said to her *its your fault you turned me on.
This vile scum angers me so bad it also hurts so bad. I knew about this partner of hers but i never new it was rape until recently. She was a vulnerable underage girl and he took advantage.
I am trying to convince her to go to the police and put a report in, but she really doesn't want to as she doesn't want the whole scene to come to light again. She thinks theirs literally 0 evidence he can get charged and that it will bring shame on her as the news will spread around. She said shes had so many years to get over it and doesn't want to relive that night.

She didn't tell me whilst he was out in case i did something to him, It angers me so much he will be out in a year or 2 and be set free for doing this. I know who the person is as he lives local to me, I remember the disgusting man having a 13 year old in his car as he worked on takeaway delivery's he must of been at least 22 or 23 then.

Ever since shes told me its going round and round in my head.

What do you think I should do guys? Persuade her to come forward? or live forever acting like it never happened..What are the chances of this being a successful conviction? other than her word maybe a friend or 2's word that was there that night?

[Casehardened]

Hello and welcome to the forum,

I'm hoping some of our female members will respond to your dilemma to give you a view from a woman's perspective but I'm wondering if some of the reason for wanting her to report the incident is down to anger at yourself for not being around to protect her at that time and subconsciously transferring this anger against him.

If so, remember you were both young and impulsive at the time and it is in the nature of youth to try out different relationships to see which ones work best.

I don't know any of you personally so this isn't a subjective judgement but as a dispassionate onlooker I suspect the account that you have heard has been edited a little so as not to upset you any further and your wife would prefer not to have the full details emerge as they surely will if there is a police investigation.

[Rights Fighter]

At the end of the day the choice MUST be hers.

If you persuaded her to do this and then nothing came of it, she would be mortified that she''s put herself through the agony of an interview, going through each sordid details step by step, for nothing.

Even if it resulted in a conviction, what would she have gained, emotionally? She might have gained "justice" but at what cost to herself - given she doesn't sound as though she wants to do this? It would be different if she wanted to do this. But she doesn't.

[Franticwithworry]

You sound to be a lovely man; one who loves his wife and is angry at the ill-treatment she suffered. I agree though, that the decision to report must be hers. She has clearly dealt with this in her own way up until now, and it appears that your love has been instrumental in helping her cope.

Yes, you are angry, and want something done, but you need to know that not all crimes, let alone sexual crimes are reported for a multiplicity of reasons.

It might be difficult to keep your anger at this man's actions in check and not let it spill over onto your wife, because you think she should take a particular course of action, but please do your best to just love her as you have been doing and let her deal with this the way she feels best. That, I think, is the best possible thing you can do for her - respect her wishes and carry on loving her to the best of your ability.