How do I heal?

[snowbee]

Hi, my name is Lynne and was told about this forum by a friend. I have no idea what I am expecting here, but, big breath, here goes.

I am a 34 yo woman and my husband was killed in Iraq two years ago. About three months ago, I finally started dating again. I met a man who seemed nice and have gone on a few dates with him where he acted the perfect gentleman.

I had invited him to my house one night about a month ago to cook him dinner. We had a pleasant meal and while I was washing up he started to try and touch me. I had told him I wasn't ready for that yet and he seemed to ignore me and get more and more forceful.

I told him no, I told him to leave and thats when he hit me. My 5 yo daughter who was in bed heard the noise and came out of her room. This man raped me in front of my child and beat me so badly I was in a coma for 2 weeks. In the hospital I found this man had raped my child after he raped and beat me half dead.

I have been seeing a therapist but the last two weeks have been hell of earth. I feel I betrayed the memory of my husband, I betrayed my daughter and most of all I feel I betrayed myself for bringing this man into our lives.

I don't know how to talk to my daughter. I don't know what to say to her, I certainly don't know how to explain to her years from now that she can't have children of her own because of what this man did to her.

I bear scars (he carved on my with a knife) which means I will never be able to go to the beach or be with someone else at anytime in the future.

I have ruined my daughter's life and that is just killing me. I feel like my very soul is damaged. How do I go about starting the healing and is healing even possible after this, I don't know.

Why, even with therapists do I feel so alone and worse with every day. Does it get worse before it gets better? or is it always going to be like this?

Well, I've said it. It took me two days to get the courage to post this. I don't know what to expect, I just need answers, if answers exist to such a thing.

[Saffron]

Hello Lynne

Your story is truly horrific, my heart goes out to you and your daughter.

I'm afraid I cannot offer any practical advice beyond nailing the animal who did this to you in a court of law. Have you reported him to the police? reporting a rape seems to be a bit of a postcode lottery, but I am sure you will be treated sensitively.there is a lady called Snoopy who runs a website for survivors, I will email her and ask her to get in touch.

Beyond that, please do not feel guilty. You have certainly not betrayed your husband's memory, and you are not to blame for the ordeal your daughter experienced. As people we judge each other by our own standards, and if you are an honest person you expect others to be honest too. You trusted this vile man, and you were betrayed in the worst possible way.

Healing is a slow process, but it does happen. I hope Snoopy will be able to help you. Good luck, and thank you for sharing your story with us.

Love from Saffron.

[MGR]

I can't tell you how you will heal as I haven't done so myself yet but the only person to blame is the man who attacked you and your daughter. I'm having trouble getting suitable help but the people who have helped me most have been rape crisis.

I hope that you and your daughter can heal.

Love

M

[Unregistered candy]

Oh my gosh that's horrible. I have learned though that everyday is a new day. And although you wake up with the horrible trama of what happened, one day it will all get better. Believe me i was raped but not that tramatic. I hope you do heal and get better. Thats so horrible. Did you get that man behind bars? you should report it to the police. And its not your fault the guy put on the nice act probably to trick you. There are so many people out there like that. Don't worry, i think you should get justice and put him in jail. You should start doing things with your daughter, like things mother and daughter do, take her places and try to help and understand her. Have her talk to a therapist. I know its hard probably to talk to her but she needs you the most right now. Comfort her she probably doesn't know what shes feeling. I cudnt imagine. As for both of you the trama you experienced will only make you a stronger person and the fact you been victimized, is not your fault. A cruel man of trickery did this to both of you. And he will get his karma. He has so much coming to him. You didnt betray your husband, its not your fault. You are in my prayers, i hope you heal through that horrible pain. That is by far the saddest and scary story i ever heard. I know its hard but you cant let this get the best of you, your a good person and your going to heal, but it takes time. if you need anything im here <333
Candice Email: Babygrlcm1015@yahoo.com