27 years ago now but need to know..

[Fairyelephant]

I'm hoping there will be someone here that can give me some advice.
When I was 12 I was raped by a boy who I went to school with. He was 14. At the time, I hadn't a clue rape even existed, all I remember was kissing him and him trying more and me not wanting to, that followed onto non consenting sex. Not violent, I mean he held my hand above my head but he was more humorous about it, like messing around as if it was funny.(struggling to find the right words here) he defi ately had sex with me and i was definately saying no, that i didnt want to. Apart from that all i remember is walking back to my friends house that night (as I was staying there) my friend telling her mum why I was so upset and the next thing I know my mum and dad were there and I was hauled to the police station, examined and interviewed in a room that they tried to make resemble a living room. I also remember his friends at school used to taunt me, follow me, tell me they were going to chuck me in the canal and called me names.. apart from that It was like it had never happened and never mentioned again by family. To this day I haven't had the guts to ask my mum what happened. Angry nobody communicated with me. I've asked my cousin and she said when she came to see me all I did was have my nervous laugh and that was it. (Always get a nervous laugh to this day but when she said that it was like it opened a part of my memory that I hadn't recalled since)

I want to know what happened. I need to know for my sanity as it haunts me.

Do you think the police would be able to tell me?

I'm 39 now, Watching 24 hrs in police custody last night has got me thinking.. I just wish I knew more about what happened.

Did they not believe me? Did my family not take it further? As I've said I wasn't even sure it was a criminal offence at that age. All I knew was he had had sex with me and I never wanted it to happen. Never in a million years did I think I would be taken to a police station. I was so ashamed I didn't even want my mum knowing let alone all that.

He was just 14. Maybe he didn't know he was doing anything wrong?

So confused by it all.

Thanks in advance

[Lilyput]

Are you still in contact with your family? Perhaps you could ask them, i'm sure they would have known the outcome?

If there was no DNA evidence maybe it was NFA'd an your parents didnt want to bring it all back for you? Or perhaps police thought you were both too young to cope with a trial? I know that would never happen now but perhaps back then? I'm sorry i cant help more but i would ask your family for closure and seek counselling if this is still traumatic.

[Fairyelephant]

Thank you for responding.
I feel unable to approach my family. Shortly after it was revealed that my dad had been having an affair. Mum and dad split, dad turned into a different person. He stalked my mum everywhere she went, was physically violent to me amd my mum. Time and time again the police were called and eventually he wasn't allowed anywhere near the house. My mum had a nervous breakdown, we were pulled out of school as my dad was sending threats of taking us to Italy. I feel angry it feels like it was just brushed under the carpet. I understand it was a very difficult time for my mum but why was I left in the dark? I'd love to have the guts to bring it up again but I just can't face it. That's why I wondered if the police would help? Surely I have the right to know what happened?

[Lilyput]

If it would give you closure i would contact them hun. The police are a tad useless so it may take them a while to tell.

Wow sorry to hear you've had such a rough time of it would your mum be open to counselling to talk about what you went through as a family where you could approach it in a safe place. Big big hugs x

[Fairyelephant]

I don't think I could do it With mum. I mean she is a mum in a million but as it's never been discussed since, I am fearful of approaching it the wrong way as I hold a lot of anger about it. I wouldn't want to upset her but at the same time I need to know as it's like all of a sudden it's hit me like a brick and it's earing away at my thoughts x

[Fairyelephant]

I've also lost heart with councillors as I was reffered to one for infertility. I got there which was hard in itself as I had to try and come to terms with getting the idea of children out my head as it was never going to happen. I sat there amd told her why I was there and she said "I'm not too sure why they've sent you to me as I'm a sex therepist!'
Obviously I never went back!

[Rights Fighter]

You could check to see if there are any Rape Crisis centres in your area.

Try:

http://rapecrisis.org.uk/centres.php

There are a few helplines on this link http://www.itv.com/thismorning/rape-helplines

There are a few helplines on this link too http://thesurvivorstrust.org/find-support/

[Fairyelephant]

Thanks for all the info

[Casehardened]

He was just 14. Maybe he didn't know he was doing anything wrong?

In view of his age and that it happened 27 years ago it may be that doli incapax came into play (basically this would mean that he was just outside the age limit for criminal responsibility at that time) and no action could be taken against him.

[DantesG]

Case History

Thanks for all the info

I'm so sorry to hear what you have gone through, it must be very difficult for you to get closure on this as the years have gone by, I'm sure that it would be possible to retrieve the information you are looking for and for the police force to give you the assistance you are looking for...

You can get a SAR (Subject Access Request) and retrieve any and all information the force hold about you, I hope this helps finding closure

Dantes