scared

[scared1905]

i started uni last year having just completed 10 months therapy and was so excited about my fresh start.

I met this guy in September whom i had a totally platonic friendship who in December came down to halls one night. He was a bit upset and i thought a chat would cheer him up and company might make him feel better. It got late so he stayed over and later that night he forced himself on me. I just froze and didnt no what to do and was scared that i was alone so just kept telling sweetly to please stop but he didnt stop. Then he started trying to stick his penis in me and i kept tightening up which kept fustrating him. Again i pleaded for him to stop but all he kept saying over and over again was wait. I was a virgin and i had never exeperienced anything like this. He then managed to get himself into me but it was hurting me so much and i kept telling him to stop because of the pain but he just kept saying wait. He just kept humping on me and the rest i don't remember that well..but he was just so normal afterwards..

I got out of the bed and saw the blood and was frantic as i knew i was no longer a virgin... he just left. Never saw him in uni again

Its been a year since this now and i am still so confused... he left that night and i never saw him again. He rang me 2 weeks later and acted normal. I then txt him calling him a rapist and he never rang or came to uni again.

I have tried so hard to try and get myself to move on from this but i cant..i fcked up my 1st year and am now resitting. I promised myself this September that i was gonna get over this and move on but i just can't. Im back to my old habits again....im missing uni and just cant focus on my studies. Dont no what to do? Im so scared of failing and i just cant afford to do that again..

will i ever just be able to get over this..

[bellygoddess]

hi

hello scared,i understand what you are saying as i was raped in a similar situation to you when i was 19.i was a virgin too.i was living in a bedsit while i was in my first year of uni,and the man that raped me was an older man who had just moved in next door.We met on our communal landing one day and he suggesting coming round one night to introduce himself and have a chat.I said yes as i didnt think anything of it.He came round one night and was really charming,and asked me lots of questions,then my mum rang me,and while i was on the phone he started to suck my fingers.I told him to stop and he did.Then he asked me to have oral sex with him,and i said no.Then he was really cold and agressive and said he wanted to have sex with me.I was terrified but i agreed and got on the bed.He told me to take my jeans and underwear down,so i did.Then I came out of my dazed shock and realised what he was doing,and told him to stop but he then forced himself into me.I was in agony too and thought i was going to die.I bled a lot too,and he said it was 'normal',then he left.Yes you were no longer a virgin afterwards,but remember that it was not your 'first time' having sex,you were raped as i was,its name is 'sexual violence',and its about power not sex.What that man did to you was selfish and horrific.When i told my rapist to stop,and that he was hurting me,he said he was 'being as gentle as he could'.Men will say anything and ignore what you are saying.There is no excuse for what they did to us,it is not our fault,remember that.If you ever want to chat by email,let me know on here and ill give you my email.