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Sitting here
Now on my own in front of the PC, first time since it happened 2 weeks ago. One of the team in charge of my daughters case suggested i do this. I can't say too much as a criminal investigation is underway. The guilt i feel is ovewhelming. Firstly by not being at home the night it happened, my older daughter to find her younger sister when she did'nt answer her phone, on my instructions instigating the emergency services whilst her father & i travelled the 100 miles or so from my dad's. Did i then do the right thing putting the poor little scrap through the additional trauma of subsequent medical examination, interviews, the time for us as a family now in limbo whilst statements are taken, Possible intimidations by those who feel the person who did this this terrible thing to my baby has been done an injustice, bad mouthing my daughter in public. My husband is so struggling to cope with the emotions he was going to leave us yesterday. My older daughter on sleeping tablets & has flash backs to what she witnessed that night. None of us know what happened except my daughter who is withdrawn, she can't tell me what happened as it is such an intimate thing as i am her mum. For gods sake she's only just started her periods a month or so ago, we have done the sex education stuff but she has not had the chance to come & talk to me about boyfriends & sex as she hadnt even got a boyfriend & not even remotely mentally geared up to have a meaningful sexual relationship. She is only just beginning to eat properly. The school has been less than helpful. Oh, i just am struggling to hold it together.
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I know just how hard it is as a young person to confide in her mum, no disrespect to you at all. Just give her love and show support. Yes if someone has done something so bad, the suffering will eventually let her speak about her ordeal and come to terms with it. I held what happened to me inside for nearly 20years before I could even confide in my husband of seven years.
You have done the right thing in letting her be open with you about sexual matters, I was just told there were pads in my cupboard and you will know when you need them. You have done yoru best for your little girl and Never forget that.
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