Raped many years ago now

[Lilyput]

I'm really sorry to hear this. I hope you find the courage to your story again in a place you feel safe. I think it was really brave of you to open up and I'm sorry for arguing on your thread.

[Izzy]

I seem to have stumbled upon some kind of recurring argument between you all and i really don't have the energy for it. It takes a lot out of me to share my story and i thought this might be a good outlet. It was interesting initially to see what people said. But now I'm being accused of lying, which is exactly what I'm always afraid of whenever i tell someone close to me about my rape .

This whole experience is now making me feel worse. Thank you to those who have offered kind words, but i think I'm going to step away from here.

You can only do what's best for you. Have a look though at the thread you commented on from the Dad looking for support after his 17 year old Son was arrested. If you read your last paragraph then you'll see what the problem is. It's a support forum, if you can't give support in the falsely accused part then don't post there.

[Casehardened]

Can I personally block a user though?

Yes indeed,

Dealing with troublesome users:

http://www.daftmoo.org.uk/mooforum/f...ublesome_users

[Lilyput]

Thank you, sorry again for causing any problems.

[Rights Fighter]

For what it's worth i dont think OP and Bene are the same person. I think OP was looking for support. Personally i would ban too as if this carries on this forum will be a ghost town. But im not admin and i don't fully know the rules and aims of the forum.

Can I personally block a user though? As i don't think mine and Benes interactions are helpful to anybody particularly new posters looking for advice.

You can yes http://www.daftmoo.org.uk/mooforum/p...?do=ignorelist however, you can still see that they have posted, and it's tempting to see what the latest drivel is.

I had an email from another member this morning asking the very same question that another member on here did in this thread. They wondered whether Bene is actually a real troll / spoof account and run by more than one person.

Some days "she" appears to write coherently and other days it seems to be the rantings of an 8 year old.

I do not believe that Bene and STMO are one and the same person. STMO writes with thought, Bene does not.

I did wonder whether this is the "legal enquiry agent" and/or one of his "friends" trying to derail the forums. It wouldn't be the first time he has done this.

I think that maybe if we, as a group collectively agree to completely ignore Bene's posts in the future, she will end up just ranting away in her own little vaccuum.

I know it is tempting to answer her, especially if we are trying to protect decent genuine members from her vitriol.

[Casehardened]

But now I'm being accused of lying, which is exactly what I'm always afraid of whenever i tell someone close to me about my rape .

This whole experience is now making me feel worse. Thank you to those who have offered kind words, but i think I'm going to step away from here.

I have obviously kept an eye on this thread and I am sure no-one has accused you of lying; however I take your point about the arguing, unfortunately the arguments always seem to start as soon as Bene appears on the scene and I therefore need to take action as we cannot have members, whether new or established, frightened away from the forum.

I have not as yet found it necessary to ban anyone, and I don't really want to do this, when she isn't arguing she does post constructively so I am going implement the procedure where I have to pre-censor her posts before letting them loose on the forum.

This will be a pain for me and for her as I will only occasionally look at them and by the time I let them out on the forum they will probably no longer be relevant, but that is perhaps the point of the procedure

[Rights Fighter]

You can only do what's best for you. Have a look though at the thread you commented on from the Dad looking for support after his 17 year old Son was arrested. If you read your last paragraph then you'll see what the problem is. It's a support forum, if you can't give support in the falsely accused part then don't post there.

The thing is, STMO is trying to support others despite what she went through herself. I was pleased to see her trying to offer support on "this side". It is not her who is trying to derail the forums - it is Bene.

STMO I am so sorry you have not received the support you were hoping for. Had Bene not been on these forums I can guarantee your experience here would have been far better. She is not your friend. I doubt she has any idea how to be a friend to anybody or offer genuine support, which is really sad.

The person who owns these forums is not answering emails and he is the only person who can make the decision to remove members who do nothing but cause upset and anguish. This is one reason why I am in process of starting up my own public forums.

Just because some of us are supporting the falsely accused does not mean that we cannot support genuine victims. Some of us are on both sides of the fence.

Hold on in there STMO.

[Rights Fighter]

I have obviously kept an eye on this thread and I am sure no-one has accused you of lying; however I take your point about the arguing, unfortunately the arguments always seem to start as soon as Bene appears on the scene and I therefore need to take action as we cannot have members, whether new or established, frightened away from the forum.

I have not as yet found it necessary to ban anyone, and I don't really want to do this, when she isn't arguing she does post constructively so I am going implement the procedure where I have to pre-censor her posts before letting them loose on the forum.

This will be a pain for me and for her as I will only occasionally look at them and by the time I let them out on the forum they will probably no longer be relevant, but that is perhaps the point of the procedure

I know it is difficult to contact the owners. I also know you have tried to get more moderators on board to help you. Could you not add moderators on a temporary basis until the owners comes back to us?

[Lilyput]

You can yes http://www.daftmoo.org.uk/mooforum/p...?do=ignorelist however, you can still see that they have posted, and it's tempting to see what the latest drivel is.

I had an email from another member this morning asking the very same question that another member on here did in this thread. They wondered whether Bene is actually a real troll / spoof account and run by more than one person.

Some days "she" appears to write coherently and other days it seems to be the rantings of an 8 year old.

I do not believe that Bene and STMO are one and the same person. STMO writes with thought, Bene does not.

I did wonder whether this is the "legal enquiry agent" and/or one of his "friends" trying to derail the forums. It wouldn't be the first time he has done this.

I think that maybe if we, as a group collectively agree to completely ignore Bene's posts in the future, she will end up just ranting away in her own little vaccuum.

I know it is tempting to answer her, especially if we are trying to protect decent genuine members from her vitriol.

I dont think shes fake but I think she doubts anyone here has been FA and is treating everyone like a rapist or a supporter of a rapist. Seriously concerned she is considering a legal career my gosh!

Sorry to bring religion in to it everyone. But the world has a view that Christians are self righteous and judgmental. People like her are the reason that sterotype is alive and well. Hate religion by all means i did a few years back but please don't think Benes lack of compassion is a representation of all Christians it is not. The Christians i know are wonderful understanding people, whom i love dearly.

I think we should all ignore ive blocked and wont even read her last PM. If we only respond to positive posts there can be no arguments.

[Casehardened]

I know it is difficult to contact the owners. I also know you have tried to get more moderators on board to help you. Could you not add moderators on a temporary basis until the owners comes back to us?

Unfortunately it is only Phil as Admin who can alter permissions to be able to carry out the moderating tasks; I do worry about what has happened as this is the longest period of time that he has been away from the forum.

[Rights Fighter]

I emailed him a few weeks back with no response, also Mrs Webmoo......

[AmandaF]

STMO that's a shame but understandable.

The recurring argument only happens when one particular member joins a debate. This person has nothing positive to contribute to those falsely accused- it becomes a platform for her own arguments, some of which have been very hurtful and disrespectful. It is almost as tho she believes rape victims are on some elevated ground whilst the rest of us are naive and pointless existers. It would be the same as us saying "We weren't there when you were attacked so how do we know it happened as you said it did?" This person has caused a lot of distress to people on here. It should not be like that.

A lot of us on here have been subjected to both sides of the coin and are therefore in a better position to support both sides.

You mention you have a supportive husband- even that would suggest you have made great inroads into dealing with your ordeal, I am sorry that you have been left feeling worse- I doubt anyone ever intended that to happen.

Wishing you well

[Rights Fighter]

I echo what AmandaF has said. Some of us have been on both sides unfortunately. I do know that some people (includes AmandaF) who made a decision not to post on occasion due to the argumentative one making a huge mountain from a pimple. When they see that she is online at the bottom of the page hearts drop and they leave. This is not what should be happening.

We are here to support anyone who genuinely needs support. That includes victims of SA and victims of FA.

[Strugglingtomoveon]

I echo what AmandaF has said. Some of us have been on both sides unfortunately. I do know that some people (includes AmandaF) who made a decision not to post on occasion due to the argumentative one making a huge mountain from a pimple. When they see that she is online at the bottom of the page hearts drop and they leave. This is not what should be happening.

We are here to support anyone who genuinely needs support. That includes victims of SA and victims of FA.

Well I've never told anyone this but i too have been on both sides of the fence. My husband and i were wrongfully arrested for possession of child pornography a few years ago. Our computers were seized and searched and the police found nothing at all, as we knew they wouldn't because we would never do such things. We're still not entirely sure what happened, the police said after they realised we were innocent that someone may have been using our wifi since it wasn't secure (foolish mistake on our part). Luckily no charges were brought to us and the ordeal was over after a few months, but i understand very well how distraught people feel when wrongfully accused of something hideous. I was terrified about the impact it would have on my career, as people do often think 'no smoke without fire'.

So i get it, i do. It's awful. I also understand the feelings on the other side. The fear that no one will believe us about what happened, that our rapists will tell everyone they were falsely accused and knowing that their friends and family will believe them instead of us. So we get defensive and paranoid, we wonder whether everyone who says they have been falsely accused is actually just lying. It's a terrible way to think and i know it's not true for so many poor men who get targeted by these women, but as i said i know what it feels like from both sides and where those feelings come from.

Arguments and raised emotions are inevitable when both things are just so awful.

[AmandaF]

I really admire your honesty- thank you for bravely posting that.

I was raped by an ex in a very humiliating way , a long, long time ago now, I told my best friend, took 2 weeks off work till the bruises faded and got on with life. I'm not saying all in that position should do so but that was right for me. I think the only lasting damage it did was to my self esteem, leaving me feeling totally worthless, which was probably reflected in my choice of (now ex) husband!!

Sometimes I read stories on here and I don't think everyone who claims they are falsely accused is being as honest as they seem, same as people who say they have been raped- sometimes it becomes clear that it's revenge they seek on someone who has jilted them. The more you hear read or see you get a "feel" for the genuine.

But no matter which side we are on, the point is that ANY false claim or accusation weakens the position of the wronged, whether they be victims of assault or of lies.

It has been said that prosecuting false accusers would deter others from coming forwards but I think it's the FA's themselves who have a detrimental affect. False accusations abound now, not only for sexual offences but for any for which compensation is payable,

In an ideal world we would all unite for change.