Raped many years ago now

[AmandaF]

I know it wasn't- but it got rail-roaded into something else!

Just going back to your OP, and subsequent replies, I think we're all suggesting some kind of counselling if you feel it would help you to come to terms with the consequences of what happened to you. It's never easy to make that move. Your GP would be a good place to start if you feel this is the right thing to do.
I had REM therapy which is used for PTSD and found that had a great effect- it's a bit controversial but worked well for me. It's about actually feeling trauma as physical pain and letting go.
Whatever you choose, the fact that you posted here may indicate that it's now time for you to find a way to move on.

Wishing you well

[Rights Fighter]

I'm really surprised by how aggressive everyone is to each other. Aren't we all supposed to be supporting each other?

Absolutely. Unfortunately Bene does this on many threads. She hijacks them for her own attention-seeking purposes.

Whether offenders think about their families when they are offending, or not, does not mean that the family is responsible for their family member's actions and offending. Many families who have a sex offender amongst their midst are downright embarrassed and ashamed, even though the shame is not theirs.

From what I have read from many of Bene's responses, she is not at all interested in justice. She wants vengeance. Vengeance is not Justice.

She claims to be a Christian. "Vengeance is Mine, saith the Lord" ~ Romans 12: 19 also Deuteronomy 32:35, yet she wishes to have revenge on the offender's family who are innocent of any of his wrongdoing.

I thought that there were no lower depths that she could sink to. I was wrong.

STMO: if you want to heal from this, you need to speak to people who are in their right mind. As many others have said, try your GP, Rape Crisis Centres and other places.

Bene said:
No!!! No!!!No No No!!! No No!!!

I'm going to lose my mind!!

Quite. Get help Bene - but you must want it first, for it to work.

[Strugglingtomoveon]

I think a lot of rape victims want vengeance because what we go through is a very intimate attack on our bodies, causing pain and trauma. It's very hard not to want the attacker to feel pain back, to want revenge on him.

I'm not sure if that is what Bene wants, but i certainly did for a long time. So did my husband and my friends. It's only human to want some kind of pay back after being violated.

It's nothing to do with their families, but nor should having a family prevent victims from bringing rapists to justice. Sadly i have never had the strength to report my attacker.

[Rights Fighter]

Absolutely - I completely understand that.

Nobody is saying that you should not report it just because it might affect his family.

What has been said is that some of us who have also experienced similar trauma, did not report the assailant to the police because we didn't want her/his innocent family to be hurt by it. That was/is our choice. Family members in some cases were warned about certain proclivities so that younger members could be protected.

What you decide to do when you are "ready" is entirely up to you. It is your decision, and only YOUR decision to make. In the meantime, I do hope you can find the help and support you need.

[Bene]

Couple of weeks ago there was a post on here titled false accusers should be prosecuted by the state or something down those lines. There was a universal agreement that if it was possible than they should. I'm pretty certain that most members on this forum if they could prosecute their FA you would in a heart beat and rightly so) you would not for a single second stop to think about the FA family, the damage it would do to their children. You would want justice for them to held accountable for their crime.

Yet somehow it seems okay to say to a rape victim,
You would not benefit from reporting it now other than compensation" think about the family they are innocent, they did nothing to you. The rapist may have a family think about the children" the children are victims too" the children are victims in criminal proceedings . I agree with that the children are victims; victims of the rapist father actions and not the rape victim.
A rape victim is not to blame or responsible for the consequences of her rapist action. He is!! Before you rape someone perhaps stop and think for a second about your family, and your children the damage your actions will do to them as well as your victim.

This post was not about FA or false rape allegations it was about genuine rape victims and a real rapist. ( Rapist still do exist ) so if you truly wanted to help the OP or any other genuine rape victim) why on earth make such suggestions? Everyone was so quick to sympathise with the rapist family. What about the Strugglingtomoveon family? What her children? What about her husband? What about how the rape has and will continue to affect them? Yes you was trying to help her and you want her to do "what's best for her" if that's true than please tell me how is suggesting her to think about her rapist family best for her? Doing what's best for her includes doing what's best for her and her family not his.
Is because of selfish views like these that these men get away with it.
And one final note, speaking on children the OP is someone daughter, I was someone daughter, maybe you don't care because I wasn't your daughter. Society we should always encourage genuine victims to come forward regardless of how long ago it was, it may save someone's else child going through the same horrible ordeal.
God forbid but tomorrow it maybe your daughter or son a victim of a rape and I can bet on my life you would not be thinking about the rapist family!!!


I've not had a good experience with the police, I'm not selfish and I can put that aside and still encourage coming forward, there experience maybe different they may get some justice. A justice for one is justice for all. Even if the case goes no further his name is on file for life so in 30 years from now, another woman may come forward and report the same man, your report may help another get justice!! And that Hun is worth ever heartache and disappointment. I'm fighting for the future I'm fighting to protect my sister and my future daughter fighting to protect somebody daughter somebody sister!

That's all I got to say on this!!!

[Rights Fighter]

I repeat:

Absolutely - I completely understand that.

Nobody is saying that you should not report it just because it might affect his family.

What has been said is that some of us who have also experienced similar trauma, did not report the assailant to the police because we didn't want her/his innocent family to be hurt by it. That was/is our choice. Family members in some cases were warned about certain proclivities so that younger members could be protected.

What you decide to do when you are "ready" is entirely up to you. It is your decision, and only YOUR decision to make. In the meantime, I do hope you can find the help and support you need.

You seem to have missed the point. Some of us are speaking from our own experiences of rape/CSA and how we dealt with it. Nobody is telling the OP what to do, or what not to do.

[Shah]

Well said Amanda, lily and RF
I did reply to you STMO on another thread.

As its been said do whats best for you hun no one else.

[Strugglingtomoveon]

Well said Amanda, lily and RF
I did reply to you STMO on another thread.

As its been said do whats best for you hun no one else.

Thanks for everyone's views. I do worry about his family, but not in the way you may think. His daughter was 1 when he raped me, now she must be 18. She's spent her teenaged years growing up with a man who locked me in a storage room and raped me at 17. Is she safe? Does he rape her? I do worry about her and about whether me not reporting what happened to me has affected her badly. I feel cowardly for this. So i can understand what Bene has been saying, about how reporting can save future victims. I just wish i had at the time.

[Shah]

Do not blame yourself for anything you have not done anything wrong you will just keep torturing yourself with the *what ifs*

xx

[Bene]

Absolutely. Unfortunately Bene does this on many threads. She hijacks them for her own attention-seeking purposes.

Whether offenders think about their families when they are offending, or not, does not mean that the family is responsible for their family member's actions and offending. Many families who have a sex offender amongst their midst are downright embarrassed and ashamed, even though the shame is not theirs.

From what I have read from many of Bene's responses, she is not at all interested in justice. She wants vengeance. Vengeance is not Justice.

She claims to be a Christian. "Vengeance is Mine, saith the Lord" ~ Romans 12: 19 also Deuteronomy 32:35, yet she wishes to have revenge on the offender's family who are innocent of any of his wrongdoing.

I thought that there were no lower depths that she could sink to. I was wrong.

STMO: if you want to heal from this, you need to speak to people who are in their right mind. As many others have said, try your GP, Rape Crisis Centres and other places.


Quite. Get help Bene - but you must want it first, for it to work.

Rights fighter!!!
For a woman who is all about facts and evidence, yet your filled with so many assumptions. How Tragic! Perhaps you need to practice what you preach. It's funny because I don't recall us ever having a personal conversation where I shared my thoughts or feelings or deep desires with you. Yet you speak so confidently like you know me and what I want. From what you've read" maybe you need to correct your lenses because I've never said on any post that I wanted vengeance. And yes I'm a Christian trust me if it wasn't for The Lord my response would be filled with a whole lot of ugly words.

I don't particular care enough to share my life plan with you but since we're on the subject of what Bene wants thinks, I'm studying law in university my goal is to have a successful career in the Bar and hopefully prosecute rapist. I want to administrate some form of justice in this injustice world. That's why
I'm very passionate on standing up for rape victims. If I wanted revenge firstly I would be in a prison cell facing life imprisoment for murder but God had my back and my rapist moved house so I don't know where he lives anymore. (Thank God)
So are you happy now?
I'll suggest you go and do what you do best which is offer legal and emotional help to falsely accused or anyone else and stop talking about stuff you know nothing about (me)

[Arsenal12]

I've not had a good experience with the police, I'm not selfish and I can put that aside and still encourage coming forward, there experience maybe different they may get some justice. A justice for one is justice for all. Even if the case goes no further his name is on file for life so in 30 years from now, another woman may come forward and report the same man, your report may help another get justice!! And that Hun is worth ever heartache and disappointment. I'm fighting for the future I'm fighting to protect my sister and my future daughter fighting to protect somebody daughter somebody sister!

That's all I got to say on this!!!

Firstly I would like to emphasise how sincerely sorry I am to read about your terrible ordeal. Rape is Rape genuine victims should rightly receive all the support and assistance available and I sincerely hope you can find the inner strength to get through your ordeal.



I would echo Rf's comments regarding exploring support groups/GP etc.

I do not mean to hijack your thread........HOWEVER I feel I have to make this comment........

Yet again a certain person on this forum has caused a stir and has been attention seeking!!!!........it is all about "I......me me me and I" with this individual.....it appears that on nearly every thread this person is attention seeking and is deliberately provoking fellow forumers.....

Rapist's should be punished no doubt about this.....they should be locked up forever!


However as quoted above by a certain person!!.........

...it is said that " A justice for one is justice for all. Even if the case goes no further his name is on file for life so in 30 years from now, another woman may come forward and report the same man, your report may help another get justice!.


Point taken!!!


OK speaking from my own personal experience I have been falsely Accused of raping my wife..........my life is ruined regardless....... Now if my case gets NFAD and hopefully it will get NFAD..........BECAUSE IM INNOCENT..........

I and all of the INNOCENT PEOPLE THAT HAVE BEEN FALSELY ACCUSED HAVE TO tread on eggshells for the rest of our lives!!!......because of the initial false allegation!!!........"no smoke without fire"


For example........ I get NFAD...........this arrest will likely remain on my record........ 10 years later I'm falsely accused yet again........... Does that automatically mean that I'm guilty because there was a previous Allegation!!!!!!


NO THIS DOES NOT MAKE A PERSON GUILTY!!!


Sorry to the OP I had to make this point for all of the fellow people being on the VICTIM of being falsely accused side.....


Kindest regards wish you all the best.

[Arsenal12]

Rights fighter!!!
For a woman who is all about facts and evidence, yet your filled with so many assumptions. How Tragic! Perhaps you need to practice what you preach. It's funny because I don't recall us ever having a personal conversation where I shared my thoughts or feelings or deep desires with you. Yet you speak so confidently like you know me and what I want. From what you've read" maybe you need to correct your lenses because I've never said on any post that I wanted vengeance. And yes I'm a Christian trust me if it wasn't for The Lord my response would be filled with a whole lot of ugly words.

I don't particular care enough to share my life plan with you but since we're on the subject of what Bene wants thinks, I'm studying law in university my goal is to have a successful career in the Bar and hopefully prosecute rapist. I want to administrate some form of justice in this injustice world. That's why
I'm very passionate on standing up for rape victims. If I wanted revenge firstly I would be in a prison cell facing life imprisoment for murder but God had my back and my rapist moved house so I don't know where he lives anymore. (Thank God)
So are you happy now?
I'll suggest you go and do what you do best which is offer legal and emotional help to falsely accused or anyone else and stop talking about stuff you know nothing about (me)

Here we go again!!!!!


Why do you always feel the need to hijack another's persons thread????

Why do you always appear to verbally attack the most proactive....... The most supportive......the most experienced..... And the most kindest of members!!!!!!


RF has helped so many people.......on both sides of the fence......yet you always feel the need to cause arguments.........why???


We are different....... Different cultures.....different...... Ages.....different life experiences...... However..... We all share one terrible thing in common which is PAIN.........hardship........heartbreak.........et c

For once can you PLEASE STOP causing a STIR...and arguments.....yes you are a victim.....yes you are in pain.........but please stop......upsetting good people on this forum............

[Rights Fighter]

Thanks Arsenal.

She can't help herself

Bene said

I don't particular care enough to share my life plan with you but since we're on the subject of what Bene wants thinks, I'm studying law in university my goal is to have a successful career in the Bar and hopefully prosecute rapist. I want to administrate some form of justice in this injustice world. That's why
I'm very passionate on standing up for rape victims.

Bene, to study and practice law you would have to have a certain type of mindset that understands logic, and be able to see all sides of an argument and then work from that standpoint. You would also have to keep emotions out of it. You have proved on here time and again that you can do neither.

I've known people with serious mental health problems study psychology. If they were unleashed on an unsuspecting depressed and anxious client, God alone knows what damage they would cause. I can just imagine you as a prosecutor, taking the high moral ground telling the jury and the public gallery all about your experiences. I doubt your client would have any say in the case as you would make it all about you, as you have on these forums.

Maybe taking your anger out on these forums is helping you, but it is at great cost to those whose threads you insist on hijacking. That is downright selfish.

[Shah]

Here we go again!!!!!


Why do you always feel the need to hijack another's persons thread????

Why do you always appear to verbally attack the most proactive....... The most supportive......the most experienced..... And the most kindest of members!!!!!!


RF has helped so many people.......on both sides of the fence......yet you always feel the need to cause arguments.........why???


We are different....... Different cultures.....different...... Ages.....different life experiences...... However..... We all share one terrible thing in common which is PAIN.........hardship........heartbreak.........et c

For once can you PLEASE STOP causing a STIR...and arguments.....yes you are a victim.....yes you are in pain.........but please stop......upsetting good people on this forum...........

Well said Arsenal12 as well as the bit about lives being forever ruined because of a FA and I think RF hit the nail on the head !!!

[Lilyput]

Thank you RF Bene is unlike any Christian i have known in my walk. I pray her journey with God softens her heart.