Raped many years ago now

[Bene]

I use to constantly think about my rapist family. I thought about them everyday I prayed about them.
Do you think my attacker's family gave a single thought about me?

Did they think about me on the night I was raped?
Or on the day when I went through the humiliation of being medically examined?

Or on the day I tried to kill myself and I was in the hospital?
Do you think they thought about me when I had a mini breakdown and was walking around with a knife and was arrested spent a night in a jail cell, I was striped searched while being on my period. And the many nights I cried myself to sleep. And failed my first term of uni because I couldn't get out of bed.
When told my rapist sister what happened she told me it was not her problem and I should not bother her again. That sums it up it's not your problem when it's someone else's child!!! It's okay as long as your family is okay taken care off than who cares about the damage that's caused to someone else family.

I'm sure if you had the chance to prosecute your false accuser for all the hell and damage they have caused in your families life you would. But wait!! What about your false accuser's family or their children
I'm pretty certain you would not be thinking about them.

Your honestly encouraging a rape victim not to report her rape because of how it affects the accused family? Regardless of whether it happened 5 minutes ago or 60 years ago the damage is the same!!

[Strugglingtomoveon]

Lord have mercy, I can't believe I'm seeing these comments.
Sweet lord Jesus!!!

Dear strugglingtomoveon

Please Hun think about yourself! And what's best for you!!
If you decide not to report the rape that decision should solely be based on what's good for yourself your mental health and sanity.
Please please please don't ever ever base your decision not to report the rape ) be base on how an investigation affect the rapist's family, children, job whatever.
Think about yourself!!
You were someone's child your rapist did not stop and think about
how his action will potentially affect your parents! Or your family, friends, education. He did not think about how his action will affect your potential marriage and future he thought about himself his sexual needs.
You are not responsible for someone else's actions, you are not to blame for the consequences of his action. He is!!!
When you rape someone you don't just ruin your victims life but you also destroy your own.



No!!! No!!!No No No!!! No No!!!

I'm going to lose my mind!!

Thank you. I know that my rapist is married with children, as he was when he raped me. At the time knowing that did affect my decision not to report him, which I'm sure now is why he told me.

[Lilyput]

Bene Im genuinely not arguing with you as i think you are on this site to argue and when everybody is on here is in some form of distress, so what is the point of tearing chunks out of eachother?
But no i dont want revenge of any form on FA i pray everyone sees through her lies then i want to pretend she never existed as three months as far as i.was concerned she didnt.

[Strugglingtomoveon]

FA sorry kept writing OP and not slept in a few days.

Really glad you corrected that!

The main reason I've never reported it is because i don't want the humiliation and i don't want my own parents to have to listen to the details. And of course he would never be convicted, so it would all be for nothing.

[AmandaF]

Bene- I think you should not pass any more opinions on false accusers. Reporting yours wasn't a positive for you was it?

This thread is about this girl's nightmare. It is her own personal decision based on many many factors. Counselling done correctly is a very good way, I find, of making an informed choice either way.

And just for the record- one of our FA's is in prison having pled guilty to his own despicable charges so he didn't think about his own family and neither will I when it was them who ruined mine.

[Lilyput]

Really glad you corrected that!

The main reason I've never reported it is because i don't want the humiliation and i don't want my own parents to have to listen to the details. And of course he would never be convicted, so it would all be for nothing.

Were there witnesses of people working there too .that could remember you both leaving the room? If there were that counts as evidence i believe.

[Strugglingtomoveon]

Were there witnesses of people working there too .that could remember you both leaving the room? If there were that counts as evidence i believe.

There were lots of people who worked there and several saw me leave the room upset, but it was 17 years ago. I don't know that they would recall an upset teenager from 17 years ago.

[Lilyput]

In OHs case there are three impartial witness one thst remembered something key to proving hid innocence so you never know.

[AmandaF]

You may not have been the only one- but again only you can make that decision after weighing up all the pros and cons.

[Lilyput]

Yes but look after yourself first and decide whats right for you and your life. Just know whatever side of a case you are it appears hopeless but that isnt always true.

[Bene]

Thank you. I know that my rapist is married with children, as he was when he raped me. At the time knowing that did affect my decision not to report him, which I'm sure now is why he told me.

The horrible thing is that a lot of the time they are married with children.

He should of thought about how his actions will affect his family before he raped you.

They are great organisations out there that offer free counselling and therapy.
Couple of weeks after my rape I made an appointment with the rape crisis advocate,
she was great she sat me down and we made a list of all the pros and cons of reporting. All I thought about was him and his family, oh I thought I was ruining his life, his poor mother and sisters Him this and him that. And she told me forget about him what about yourself. Do what's best for you)
Me and her both knew I was a complete hot mess and was no way mentally stable to go through an investigation. So I didn't report it at the time and waited 18 months later to report. So yea If you decide on not reporting it should be because it was the best decision for you at that time and not because of his family or children or fear of him.

I'll message you later Hun, I'm trying not to completely go off on here.
I've not had the best of couple of days or weeks. I spent most of the holidays alone crying. I literally had a mini breakdown I've been a sobbing mess. The past 3 days. I don't even know why ) I've been doing so well the past 3 months and than all of a sudden I can't stop crying and I'm so down.
On top of that I have 3 coursework to do under 2 weeks.
Lord Jesus help me. I will get them all done in Jesus name.

[AmandaF]

The horrible thing is that a lot of the time they are married with children.
.
.

Really??

And how many of us have had a s*** time just now?
Yet we don't draw attention to the fact- we are simply trying to help give this lady some perspectives here

[Strugglingtomoveon]

Really??

And how many of us have had a s*** time just now?
Yet we don't draw attention to the fact- we are simply trying to help give this lady some perspectives here

I'm really surprised by how aggressive everyone is to each other. Aren't we all supposed to be supporting each other?

[AmandaF]

"I'm sure if you had the chance to prosecute your false accuser for all the hell and damage they have caused in your families life you would. But wait!! What about your false accuser's family or their children
I'm pretty certain you would not be thinking about them.

Your honestly encouraging a rape victim not to report her rape because of how it affects the accused family? Regardless of whether it happened 5 minutes ago or 60 years ago the damage is the same!!"

That is also aggressive. yes we should all be supporting each other as injustice, damage, pain, grief are common themes to all. Unfortunately some can only appreciate one side of the argument depending on personal experience.

we falsely accused rarely get any sympathy from rape victims whereas most of the comments on your post have come from those in this category. Members have been insulted by "No smoke without fire " type comments and that we are naive to support our wrongly convicted / falsely accused loved ones.

It's sad as I am a firm believer in the fact that false accusations , which are increasing, is what will stop genuine victims from coming forward. As I said we are all victims of the same injustice- just caused by totally different reasons.

A crime against a person, no matter what it is, whether it be sexual assault, domestic violence or telling lies to ruin another individual, should never go unpunished.

I really hope you find answers that you as an individual are comfortable with and can assist you to move on.

[Strugglingtomoveon]

"I'm sure if you had the chance to prosecute your false accuser for all the hell and damage they have caused in your families life you would. But wait!! What about your false accuser's family or their children
I'm pretty certain you would not be thinking about them.

Your honestly encouraging a rape victim not to report her rape because of how it affects the accused family? Regardless of whether it happened 5 minutes ago or 60 years ago the damage is the same!!"

That is also aggressive. yes we should all be supporting each other as injustice, damage, pain, grief are common themes to all. Unfortunately some can only appreciate one side of the argument depending on personal experience.

we falsely accused rarely get any sympathy from rape victims whereas most of the comments on your post have come from those in this category. Members have been insulted by "No smoke without fire " type comments and that we are naive to support our wrongly convicted / falsely accused loved ones.

It's sad as I am a firm believer in the fact that false accusations , which are increasing, is what will stop genuine victims from coming forward. As I said we are all victims of the same injustice- just caused by totally different reasons.

A crime against a person, no matter what it is, whether it be sexual assault, domestic violence or telling lies to ruin another individual, should never go unpunished.

I really hope you find answers that you as an individual are comfortable with and can assist you to move on.

My post wasn't about false accusations?!