I don't know if i was raped and I don't know what to do about it.

[Vespa1996]

So this happened about 4 years ago when I was 15 and I knew at the time it was wrong but I've only just come to terms and started to think about whether it was rape or not.

I was in a bad place at the time and didn't really value myself or understand what was normal in terms of sex/relationships. I went to a party and ended up having sex with a guy I'd been with before. I was ridiculously drunk but I know I consented to this as I instigated it. The next thing I remember was a guy I'd never met nor did I know his name behind me and I was having a threesome. After that I only remember him and the other guy leaving the room and me at crying. I don't remember saying no, but I'm sure I wouldn't have consented to a 3 some aged 15 with a 19 year old I'd never met. After this I was in such a state so carried on drinking, kind of forgot about it and ended up having sex with the person I was actually seeing at the time. I didn't report it because I thought if I'd had sex after then nobody would believe I was upset and I didn't want my parents at the time finding out I had sex.

I think I was raped but I never spoke about it and now 4 years on I understand consent but I don't know how to talk about it and I feel guilty for not stopping it and stupidly having sex after.

[lawlessone2009]

If you were 15 years old then you were raped by 3 people.

You cannot consent at 15 years old. The legal minimum age for sexual intercourse is 16.

Do you know who the 'guy' is now?

[Vespa1996]

I understand that it's not what I meant. Not a very helpful response thanks.

And yes I knew who the 'guy' was afterwards.

[lawlessone2009]

Yes.

Well.

Not off to such a good start.

It appears that there has been two consensual incidents of sexual intercourse.

There exists a third incident which was non-consensual. That would be by all definitions, rape.

What do you wish to do now though?

[Bene]

I'm very sorry regarding what happened to you.
Please don't ever blame yourself) you were 15 years old.
And please try to not to jump at lawsome throat. She was only trying to help and offer some support.

Yes you were raped according to law,
Firstly the legal age of consent is 16, you were 15. And secondly you were too drunk to consent)

Accepting that you were a victim of rape is not so easy, it took me a whole year to truly appreciate and accept what happened to me. And 2 years on I still feel like did it really happen? Was it all in my head.
Regardless of the circumstance you were a child and it was not your fault) it's so easy to blame yourself and not the rapist!


What you can do now, one option is if you want to it's not to late to report it to the police. If you knew the guy than you perhaps that's an option.
And the second option is accepting what happened, dealing with it and moving on from it. It's been 4 years! Don't give this man another year of your life.

I get my strength through Christ, counselling is a good option it was quite helpful) there's medication that you can get. Try speaking to your Gp, they can connect you with organisation that offer counselling to victims of rape and sexual trauma.


I'm just starting to truly overcome what happened to me. Trust me it had been hardest and most difficult journey of my life. Accepting that you was raped by someone you loved and trusted, someone who you called a friend it's not easy!! I went from crying myself to sleep most nights to now sleeping like a baby. I'm truly free and have genuine peace in my heart. I know you can and would too

May god truly bless you and help you in your journey.
X

[Stayingstrong]

Hi there and welcome to the forum, even though the circumstances are not good.

You are now 19, and I hope appreciate what consent means, in every aspect.

I cannot really offer advice, as
1/ I have never been in your shoes
2/ I have recently gone through a truly horrific time when my OH was arrested for rape in February.
3/ Although I am now 57, believe it or not I was young once, and willingly lost my virginity before I was legally allowed to. It was totally consensual, but reading so many posts on this forum now, I realise technically I could say I was raped.

My personal perspective on your honest post. Try and perhaps get some counselling, but think VERY deeply and carefully before you go to the police and make any accusations. What benefit would this give YOU personally? Will it help the healing process for you?

Having been on the "other side" I would not wish those charges on any innocent young man / men who genuinely for whatever reason, all parties were worse for wear, so assumed it was consensual, and "fun"

None of my comments are meant to hurt, but are my genuine thoughts xxx