New here

[Casehardened]

Oaks has posted thoughtfully (though in defence of Mia and Rosemary I would comment that Phil in his wisdom set this forum up to encompass support for both those who have been raped and those who have been falsely accused of this) but it does seem to me that recent threads in the 'Raped' section have degenerated into arguments which is puzzling and does make me wonder about the motives of the (new) members who fuel these arguments.

In this thread in particular there has been discussion of the merits of hanging for genuine rapists; I have scoured the thread to find who initially advocated this and nobody did!! So why the discussion?

What is even sadder is that many of these new members then disappear below the parapet leaving the more seasoned members wondering what was the point........

EDIT to add that I have re-read the thread and note that it was our new member Rosemary who suggested this rather than the OP. Can I suggest she starts her own thread to promote this point of view rather than hijack another member's thread who may not wish to share her viewpoint.

[AmandaF]

Oaks- the form IS for people who have suffered rape and false allegations- it is divided in to various categories and subtitles.
What it is NOT is for one side to berate the other- as I said it is for mutual support and advice.

Modern day feminism encourages women to be forever victims and whilst there is plenty of support organizations out there for them , we, the falsely accused/ wrongly convicted are forced to manage, lurking in the shadows of society, forever condemned by the stigma of what we are supposed to have done, telling no-one other than the few who understand.

The women who concern me most are those who never come forward, the ones who brush their ordeal "under the carpet" and move on, never seeking justice or compensation. I have known too many of them and there will be more as the real victims become less credible due to the soaring numbers of those who purely seek revenge, money or noteriety

[AmandaF]

CH- you are an excellent mediator!!

[Casehardened]

CH- you are an excellent mediator!!

Thanks, I usually try to see the opposing point of view, as you do of course as per your last post!

[AmandaF]

At the end of the day, both are highly emotive subjects and will always cause differing of opinions.

However I hate the thought of capital punishment for any crime but I believe in our society there are now complex problems within the punishment system. I truly believe that the guilty should be punished for their crimes and in some cases prisons are regarded as playgrounds. Posts on social media go on about "Put the elderly in prison as they'd be better treated..... blah blah blah". I can't say this has been my experience . Where my OH is drugs are rife, they are given limited substandard food and if you have any special requirements tough s***.

Which brings me to the point- how many in the penal system are guilty? How many accused plead guilty due to the fear of being found guilty at trial and given a longer sentence, even though they may be innocent but are tried on hearsay, as many sexual offences are these days?

It should be no witnesses,no injuries, no DNA, no case to answer

[oaks]

My genuine apologies to anybody offended. Was at a low point and I have no wish to add to anybody's pain and suffering

[AmandaF]

I don't think it was yourself who said anything offensive!

[Casehardened]

Oaks has posted thoughtfully

My genuine apologies to anybody offended. Was at a low point and I have no wish to add to anybody's pain and suffering

I thought you made some very good points...

[jittery]

hi

Thank you for replying to my comment. I think you're right. I've found it all the more difficult as a couple of older friends have been in abusive realtionships, yet not once in the 8weeks since everything came out have they so much as texted me to say we're here for you.

I'm feeling very bitter as I'm painfully aware that cases going forward to CPS are rare. I hate the thought that he will get away with it. He was a psycho anyway but this will only make him worse, he'll feel powerful to have escaped the law. It's also putting stress on my relationship, my boyfriend is wonderful and kind; but how many times will he let me shout at him for no reason or burst into tears for no reason- he's only human.

Funny you should say that. I won't elaborate, but I've experienced similar. Been there for friends and when the boot's on the other foot suddenly it's a different story. But I've learned over the years not to expect anything back from people you do favours for- bread eaten's soon forgotten.

It is difficult for victims. Don't forget, if a case goes forward they have to be confident that 12 people are going to find the defendant guilty otherwise they get it in the neck for wasting the court's time and money from the powers that be. Won't comment on the psycho, I know it's no consolation to you in the here and now, but people like that always come to a sticky end- not all crimes go unpunished.

Sorry to hear about your relationship issues. I'm guessing your reactions are only to be expected. As a man myself, I would guess your boyfriend'll be okay with the crying, the shouting probably more difficult to handle. I mean this with all possible delicacy, but have you had any counselling or help to get over your ordeal?

[jittery]

hi again

Yes and rape victims lose all the above WHILST ACTUALLY HAVING BEEN THROUGH THE PHYSICAL ACT. And worse still, the vast majority of rapists are walking amongst us, due to lack of evidence.

I'm going to introduce myself to you.

Without blowing my own trumpet, I've been almost entirely unaffected by what's happened to me. I've been lucky.

I was falsely accused of raping a woman, who it seems THROUGH NO FAULT OF HER OWN has been left probably irrevocably damaged by years of systemmatic abuse. I would aggressively defend her from anybody who took a pop at her or her actions.

I haven't lost my job or any of my friends and, although some people in the street WILL know what's happened if they have anything to say, they have not said it to my face and my relationships in the community have been unaffected.

I'm telling you this because I feel that while I can't truly empathise with a genuine victim of rape, I genuinely believe that a real victim will suffer more than myself, but then it seems most falsely accused suffer more than myself too. If you want to start a new thread I'll talk to you, but please remember people in this forum are going through hell. Maybe not as bad as yours- who can say? They too are not in a great place and if you can cry and shout it is only reasonable to expect people on this forum to be upset too.

[Bene]

I'm saddened!!!!

I've tried to keep this in and remain sensitive to others but I'm not going to be politically correct anymore!!
This has to be said!

A young girl came to this forum room who claims that she has been raped and is , in need of supportive, encouragement and help, as many others do. Yet out of the 67 views this poor girl's post got only 1 person bothered to reply and offer her any sort of supportive. This happens very often on this forum, victims of rape are often ignored when they are in desperate need of support. You don't have to be raped to be able to offer a victim support. Pain is pain!! I may never understand how it feels to be falsely accused and you may never understand how it feels to be raped, but where all human and we can all relate to pain, being let down by the judicial criminal system!! Experiencing injustice!! The anger and raged of Being judged and being ignored by society. We are all victims!!! And we should try to make more of an effort to the rape victims on here!!!

[jittery]

hi

I've tried to keep this in and remain sensitive to others but I'm not going to be politically correct anymore!!
This has to be said!

A young girl came to this forum room who claims that she has been raped and is , in need of supportive, encouragement and help, as many others do. Yet out of the 67 views this poor girl's post got only 1 person bothered to reply and offer her any sort of supportive. This happens very often on this forum, victims of rape are often ignored when they are in desperate need of support. You don't have to be raped to be able to offer a victim support. Pain is pain!! I may never understand how it feels to be falsely accused and you may never understand how it feels to be raped, but where all human and we can all relate to pain, being let down by the judicial criminal system!! Experiencing injustice!! The anger and raged of Being judged and being ignored by society. We are all victims!!! And we should try to make more of an effort to the rape victims on here!!!

Good point Bene, I'm hoping there will be a new attitude born on this forum. Everyone here is a victim; and as such, it should be about having MUTUAL RESPECT for each other's experiences.

There should be no bickering about who is experiencing worse than who, it should be about how much support we can offer each other.

[AmandaF]

If you want mutual respect and support, you should give it.

To tell those suffering injustice that they will recover is wrong- any kind of injustice from either side of the situation. I think you will find people were trying to be supportive but to talk about hanging and then tell a terrified parent that their son will get over it and is not a real victim is hardly being supportive.

It's like me saying "It's ok- you'll get over it " when I know all too well you won't, to a greater or lesser degree.

That said , the women I know who have been subjected to this kind of devastating attack, the ones who just purely relied on friends and family to get them through end up being "survivors" not "victims". Now that really is sad.

[Arsenal12]

If you want mutual respect and support, you should give it.

To tell those suffering injustice that they will recover is wrong- any kind of injustice from either side of the situation. I think you will find people were trying to be supportive but to talk about hanging and then tell a terrified parent that their son will get over it and is not a real victim is hardly being supportive.

It's like me saying "It's ok- you'll get over it " when I know all too well you won't, to a greater or lesser degree.

That said , the women I know who have been subjected to this kind of devastating attack, the ones who just purely relied on friends and family to get them through end up being "survivors" not "victims". Now that really is sad.

I agree with you Amanda, I always find your comments inspirational and motivating. There is clearly two sides the victims of Rape and the victims of being falsely accused.....let's all support each other where we can...both ordeals are terrible and difficult.

Turn all that pain into positive power

[jittery]

hi

If you want mutual respect and support, you should give it.

To tell those suffering injustice that they will recover is wrong- any kind of injustice from either side of the situation. I think you will find people were trying to be supportive but to talk about hanging and then tell a terrified parent that their son will get over it and is not a real victim is hardly being supportive.

It's like me saying "It's ok- you'll get over it " when I know all too well you won't, to a greater or lesser degree.

That said , the women I know who have been subjected to this kind of devastating attack, the ones who just purely relied on friends and family to get them through end up being "survivors" not "victims". Now that really is sad.

Well, again that's precisely the point I'm trying to make Amanda. This isn't about taking sides, I'm saying that BOTH sides should have respect for each other as victims. I think what Bene was refering to was Rosemay's original post. Here, once again, a victim has posted and no one has answered. Perhaps if one of us had, she may not have been as vitriolic as she was, of course I'm not saying this would have made a difference, but it might.

My comment says that I'm hoping the flavour of the forum will change and it applies to both sides. I'm not siding with Rosemay, a lot of her comments were out of order; but she isn't the first victim to appear on this forum to receive no support from ourselves; and that's what I'd like to see change.