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[MiaJane94]

hi, I don't really know how this works but from the looks of it, talking to someone who has been through a simular experience seems to have helped.
My name is mia, I will be 21 next month (if I make it that long!!) In November last year I was raped by a friend of a friend, someone I trusted and tried to offer help too eg, the spare room in my flat for the night...big mistake! Through the night I was drugged and raped by him, he stole money from me and had to be thrown out by a friend who had come to check on me as she couldn't get hold of me and was concerned.
She assumed I was a mess because of the money and drugs, called my father who took me to the police station where I broke down and told them everything. The next few days were a blur full of questions and examinations. Even though I knew I was doing the right thing I also felt guilty and blamed myself completely, I took my anger out on myself and completely isolated myself, I sat alone drinking and blocking everything out, I completely hated myself. It didn't help that I lost so many of my so called friends because they either took his side or made me feel stupid for telling the police and in there words "making a fuss over nothing" that just made me even worse.
Anyway in February I moved back in with my father as living alone wasn't helping me at all! Things started going OK again, I pretended that nothing had happened and tried to be 'normal' again, that worked for a month or so! I started hearing that he had told people in our area I was a psycho and a list, how I was obsessed with him.
That was the cherry on top, I went out one night got very drunk and tried to end my life, it ended in me being admitted to a psychiatric ward for 3weeks, they helped me a lot!
I've recently got a new job and am due to start in the next few weeks. The police have told me the CPS will make a decision by the 5th of July as to if they are pressing charges or not.
Its constantly in the back of my mind, I can't talk about what happened or how I'm feeling because the people around me struggle to hear about it. I just wanted to share my story I guess, not be alone in it anymore even though technically I am!
Thanks for reading!
Mia x

[jittery]

hi

hi, I don't really know how this works but from the looks of it, talking to someone who has been through a simular experience seems to have helped.
My name is mia, I will be 21 next month (if I make it that long!!) In November last year I was raped by a friend of a friend, someone I trusted and tried to offer help too eg, the spare room in my flat for the night...big mistake! Through the night I was drugged and raped by him, he stole money from me and had to be thrown out by a friend who had come to check on me as she couldn't get hold of me and was concerned.
She assumed I was a mess because of the money and drugs, called my father who took me to the police station where I broke down and told them everything. The next few days were a blur full of questions and examinations. Even though I knew I was doing the right thing I also felt guilty and blamed myself completely, I took my anger out on myself and completely isolated myself, I sat alone drinking and blocking everything out, I completely hated myself. It didn't help that I lost so many of my so called friends because they either took his side or made me feel stupid for telling the police and in there words "making a fuss over nothing" that just made me even worse.
Anyway in February I moved back in with my father as living alone wasn't helping me at all! Things started going OK again, I pretended that nothing had happened and tried to be 'normal' again, that worked for a month or so! I started hearing that he had told people in our area I was a psycho and a list, how I was obsessed with him.
That was the cherry on top, I went out one night got very drunk and tried to end my life, it ended in me being admitted to a psychiatric ward for 3weeks, they helped me a lot!
I've recently got a new job and am due to start in the next few weeks. The police have told me the CPS will make a decision by the 5th of July as to if they are pressing charges or not.
Its constantly in the back of my mind, I can't talk about what happened or how I'm feeling because the people around me struggle to hear about it. I just wanted to share my story I guess, not be alone in it anymore even though technically I am!
Thanks for reading!
Mia x

Unfortunately, these are things that will happen. My situation's a bit different to yours, I was on the end of an accusation. People around you probably won't want to hear about your situation, they certainly didn't in my case. They'd listen once ( except for a very few close friends, even they'd generally change the subject after a few minutes ) and wouldn't want to hear it again.

I'm no expert, but it seems to me that feeling angry with yourself and blaming yourself really aren't the way to go. Are you a mind reader? Can you read the future? We're human and as humans we make mistakes, sometimes small. sometimes big. If we could see things like this coming we'd all have wonderful lives!

Of course this guy will say thing like this about you- he's preparing a defence; and, unfortunately, there are always people who are going to believe him.

I'm not being patronising when I say that you are still young, I know it's difficult to see it now, but life WILL have many pleasant experiences in store for you in years to come- well worth the wait!
Well, I'm wishing you all the best. Stay strong!

[rosemay09]

I understand

Mine happened with a guy i was "seeing" from work.
Most work people don't even ask how I am yet they all know him and most didn't like him.
It makes me wonder how people can be so cruel and not look after each other!

You're obviously incredibly strong and I hope your new job worked out.
I hope the CPS votes accuse in your case, and bring back hanging for rapists!

[innocentson]

Understand how you must be feeling but......

So sad to read the posts in this thread. These an heinous crimes indeed & no one can truly appreciate the full extent of what you must be going through...

I truly wish time can numb your pain and your youth will help you move on to a brighter future.

I may not articulate this in the right way though, no offence or upset intended ... But please also bear in mind that this crime affects many others in different ways ; but no less devastating. Eg to be accused of such a crime ; when you know you are innocent and it's so abhorrent to even think about , is unbearable. Not only for the accused person , but their whole families - it wrecks there lives, livelihoods and even when / if cleared .... Leaves them financially ruined and a social outcast in some cases due to no smoke without fire brigade.

There are many cases of innocent people in prison .... Completely immoral and bad enough without talk of hanging to add to the despair


Personally I think "hanging" always was as bad as any "crime" ; compassion & reform for true criminals should be a civilised societies route (in my view)

Good luck & God bless for your future

Innocent sons mum

[jittery]

hi

Mine happened with a guy i was "seeing" from work.
Most work people don't even ask how I am yet they all know him and most didn't like him.
It makes me wonder how people can be so cruel and not look after each other!

You're obviously incredibly strong and I hope your new job worked out.
I hope the CPS votes accuse in your case, and bring back hanging for rapists!

It is sad, but I've always found that people just don't want to get involved. By asking how you are it's an admission that something has happened and again I suspect most people would shy away from that.

Good of you to take time out to reply to someone's post. I hope things are going ok for you?

[AmandaF]

Any kind of abuse is abhorrent and perpetrators should be punished.

However to "bring back hanging for rapists"? I have always deplored capital punishment , and in the current climate too may innocents would be sent to the gallows.

Whilst sympathising with your ordeal, please be sensitive

[rosemay09]

So sad to read the posts in this thread. These an heinous crimes indeed & no one can truly appreciate the full extent of what you must be going through...

I truly wish time can numb your pain and your youth will help you move on to a brighter future.

I may not articulate this in the right way though, no offence or upset intended ... But please also bear in mind that this crime affects many others in different ways ; but no less devastating. Eg to be accused of such a crime ; when you know you are innocent and it's so abhorrent to even think about , is unbearable. Not only for the accused person , but their whole families - it wrecks there lives, livelihoods and even when / if cleared .... Leaves them financially ruined and a social outcast in some cases due to no smoke without fire brigade.

There are many cases of innocent people in prison .... Completely immoral and bad enough without talk of hanging to add to the despair


Personally I think "hanging" always was as bad as any "crime" ; compassion & reform for true criminals should be a civilised societies route (in my view)

Good luck & God bless for your future

Innocent sons mum

Hanging for rapists wouldn't be painful enough if i'm honest. They should go through the pain that victims go through.
And I said for Rapists not falsely accused ones. I can understand that would be awful to be falsely accused of, just remember all that pain for a second and hopefully you'll be 10% of the way to understanding how a victim feels. How it will ruin or at the least taint EVERY future relationship. How hearing the word rape in the news makes them physically shudder.
Your son will get past his false accusation, a victim will never get over the trauma they went through.

[rosemay09]

Someone who understands

It is sad, but I've always found that people just don't want to get involved. By asking how you are it's an admission that something has happened and again I suspect most people would shy away from that.

Good of you to take time out to reply to someone's post. I hope things are going ok for you?

Thank you for replying to my comment. I think you're right. I've found it all the more difficult as a couple of older friends have been in abusive realtionships, yet not once in the 8weeks since everything came out have they so much as texted me to say we're here for you.

I'm feeling very bitter as I'm painfully aware that cases going forward to CPS are rare. I hate the thought that he will get away with it. He was a psycho anyway but this will only make him worse, he'll feel powerful to have escaped the law. It's also putting stress on my relationship, my boyfriend is wonderful and kind; but how many times will he let me shout at him for no reason or burst into tears for no reason- he's only human.

[innocentson]

Hanging for rapists wouldn't be painful enough if i'm honest. They should go through the pain that victims go through.
And I said for Rapists not falsely accused ones. I can understand that would be awful to be falsely accused of, just remember all that pain for a second and hopefully you'll be 10% of the way to understanding how a victim feels. How it will ruin or at the least taint EVERY future relationship. How hearing the word rape in the news makes them physically shudder.
Your son will get past his false accusation, a victim will never get over the trauma they went through.

I can appreciate how raw your pain must be and truly hope your suffering eases over time. Counselling may help ....

However I know my son will never get over the devastation his current nightmare is having on him & particularly his family either ... His nightmare started 8 months ago and continues every minute of every day with increasing fear for his elderly fathers health deteriorating badly as a result of this. And in current climate of target chasing rather than real police work I fear there are many innocent young men (and women) in grave danger & even those that manage to prove their innocence don't ever really " get past " this nightmare
In a similar way that real rape victims don't either

[AmandaF]

So- you think we falsely accused can recover??

How? When we've lost everything- jobs, businesses, homes, families, physical and mental health?? Our relationships, friendships, careers, personal and professional reputations ruined forever??

We too are victims.

We can never be the same again.

[rosemay09]

I can appreciate how raw your pain must be and truly hope your suffering eases over time. Counselling may help ....

However I know my son will never get over the devastation his current nightmare is having on him & particularly his family either ... His nightmare started 8 months ago and continues every minute of every day with increasing fear for his elderly fathers health deteriorating badly as a result of this. And in current climate of target chasing rather than real police work I fear there are many innocent young men (and women) in grave danger & even those that manage to prove their innocence don't ever really " get past " this nightmare
In a similar way that real rape victims don't either

Don't say similar it's not similar at all.

Like comparing having cancer to a cancer scare. Rape victims ACTUALLY went through the rape and then go through nightmare your son's facing. And we have the horrific statistics against us where MOST rapists get away with it, due to lack of evidence- despite the police's best efforts. And the people you're looking to blame are not hard working police, who are desperate to bring REAL rapists to justice.

[rosemay09]

So- you think we falsely accused can recover??

How? When we've lost everything- jobs, businesses, homes, families, physical and mental health?? Our relationships, friendships, careers, personal and professional reputations ruined forever??

We too are victims.

We can never be the same again.

Yes and rape victims lose all the above WHILST ACTUALLY HAVING BEEN THROUGH THE PHYSICAL ACT. And worse still, the vast majority of rapists are walking amongst us, due to lack of evidence.

[innocentson]

Don't say similar it's not similar at all.

Like comparing having cancer to a cancer scare. Rape victims ACTUALLY went through the rape and then go through nightmare your son's facing. And we have the horrific statistics against us where MOST rapists get away with it, due to lack of evidence- despite the police's best efforts. And the people you're looking to blame are not hard working police, who are desperate to bring REAL rapists to justice.

Believe it or not : I was trying to empathise with your situation

However it's clear you can't do the same - so I shall stop trying and we'll have to agree to disagree

And we can both stop wasting a thread

I wish you well

[AmandaF]

Believe it or not : I was trying to empathise with your situation

However it's clear you can't do the same - so I shall stop trying and we'll have to agree to disagree

And we can both stop wasting a thread

I wish you well

Really? Have you been made homeless because of it? Does your DBS check, vital for employment, read like a dodgy script for Eastenders?
To echo innocentson- this is a forum for mutual support, whatever side of the fence we sit, not to vent anger.

I hope you get justice. I hope we do too because while the police waste time chasing false allegations, your case and those like it will be ignored

[oaks]

I am confused by this thread as a newcomer. Whilst not negating the suffering you talk of and empathising totally but have you not got a sense of this what this forum is about. This may seem strange to you but most people who, having been falsely accused, have degrees of paranoia that make us very suspicious. You dismiss our pain as the falsley accussed and maybe that is fair enough. But the devastating impact on my teenage children, one breakdown and one suicide attempt, the ailing health of my elderly parents, the loss of reputation, career, finances and standing, the very real sense that your life has changed irrevocably and for the worse, the never ending feeling of being a social pariah stays with us constantly. It is with me every minute of every day and I really am puzzled by why you would come on a forum like this when I would never dream of imposing my story on a site for survivors of rape. If I am wrong, please accept my sincere apology, but are you a journalist or have some other interest posting your story here as it doesnt make sense. Its very obvious what this site is about so why would you seek it out for support here? I cant think of any curcumstances that I could respectfully post my story on a thread for rape survivor support. If you want to trade in misery, I can ignore your elavation of the appaling injustice done to you in relation to the falsley accussed but you dont get to brush aside the devastation to our families and friends who are innocent collateral victims in a truly flawed system.