I don't know what to do

[Confused30]

I dont know if anyone can help me but i dont know what to do. I was 17 when my boyfriend had sex with me - i was a virgin and he was older than me. I had told him i didn't think i was ready for sex, and i wanted to wait a bit. i had only known him a few weeks and we were fooling around so it's not like i was a total angel.
I had one armed trapped underneath me and i couldn't move and he had sex with me from behind, it was so painful i cried but i desperately didn't want him to know i was crying. i didn't say no though, id dint speak, i couldn't move. He came inside me and then went to the toilet, i lay shivering in the bed not knowing what to do. i was bleeding and was in so miuch pain - when he came back he had sex with me again, again from behind, and it was so painful i bit the pillow to stop him hearing me cry. He drove me home afterwards and gave me some money to buy the morning after pill. I cried all night, and had a panic attack whn i had to get the morning after pill.

I stayed with him for six months because he took my virginity and i wanted it to be special, i ddint want my first time to be with someone i didnt care about, and he always wanted sex everytime he saw me - we had sex in toilets, in his car, in a nightclub - i never wanted to but i didn't say no to him. If i didn't say no it can't be rape can it as he wouldn't know that i was hating it? He eventually dumped me by text after those six months

I am so confused i want to know was i raped??? pleas someone help me to understsand what i did wrong

[Confused30]

this is tearing me apart

[breathagain]

I dont know if anyone can help me but i dont know what to do. I was 17 when my boyfriend had sex with me - i was a virgin and he was older than me. I had told him i didn't think i was ready for sex, and i wanted to wait a bit. i had only known him a few weeks and we were fooling around so it's not like i was a total angel.
I had one armed trapped underneath me and i couldn't move and he had sex with me from behind, it was so painful i cried but i desperately didn't want him to know i was crying. i didn't say no though, id dint speak, i couldn't move. He came inside me and then went to the toilet, i lay shivering in the bed not knowing what to do. i was bleeding and was in so miuch pain - when he came back he had sex with me again, again from behind, and it was so painful i bit the pillow to stop him hearing me cry. He drove me home afterwards and gave me some money to buy the morning after pill. I cried all night, and had a panic attack whn i had to get the morning after pill.

I stayed with him for six months because he took my virginity and i wanted it to be special, i ddint want my first time to be with someone i didnt care about, and he always wanted sex everytime he saw me - we had sex in toilets, in his car, in a nightclub - i never wanted to but i didn't say no to him. If i didn't say no it can't be rape can it as he wouldn't know that i was hating it? He eventually dumped me by text after those six months

I am so confused i want to know was i raped??? pleas someone help me to understsand what i did wrong

its a very sad and tricky situation and I pray you find strength to deal with it, it is very important to make it clear to someone that you do not want to have sex with them,as you say you never told him know then I guess he might have been none the wiser
although surely checking to see if someone is actually enjoying the encounter should be the moral and decent thing to do,which your man did not seem to do and I wonder why it had to be from behind the first two times if his intentions were romantic?
Perhaps you need to do some serious soul searching here
because on the one hand it could help him doing the same to others if he at least is confronted about it, on the other hand it could seem that the fact that he dumped you by text could be your motivation?
Only you really know the truth considering you had sex with him in a night club
how old are you and how old is he?

[Jess]

I'm so sorry that this has happened to you, you didn't deserve to be treated like this. I have posted a similar story asking if I was raped as well (just a few down from this- I was told that this is the correct place to be putting these posts). I think it sounds a lot like you were in an abusive relationship which is very traumatic and I'm sorry.

I'm being clumsy with words but will try to write this down, I think there is such a blurry line between consensual and non-consensual sex when there really shouldn't be. When you have sex with someone both sides need to make sure they have consent, just assuming you have it is not the same and continuing when the other person shows signs of not wanting it despite early positive signs is not ok, I find it disturbing that even when you were shivering on the bed after the first time that he still had sex with you, that doesn't really sound like a healthy relationship and I'm not surprised you were left feeling violated. I saw an article on facebook comparing consent to offering someone a cup of tea here is the link http://metro.co.uk/2015/03/14/this-t...t-way-5103657/. I hope you find it helpful and I find it's a lot less triggering than a lot of the things you read online about consent.

I have found another forum called 'after silence' where a lot of people are in very similar situations to you and I think you may find it helpful if you like to type things out rather than speak in person.

Again I am sorry to meet you here, I hope I have been of some help.

[jittery]

Hiya

I'm so sorry that this has happened to you, you didn't deserve to be treated like this. I have posted a similar story asking if I was raped as well (just a few down from this- I was told that this is the correct place to be putting these posts). I think it sounds a lot like you were in an abusive relationship which is very traumatic and I'm sorry.

I'm being clumsy with words but will try to write this down, I think there is such a blurry line between consensual and non-consensual sex when there really shouldn't be. When you have sex with someone both sides need to make sure they have consent, just assuming you have it is not the same and continuing when the other person shows signs of not wanting it despite early positive signs is not ok, I find it disturbing that even when you were shivering on the bed after the first time that he still had sex with you, that doesn't really sound like a healthy relationship and I'm not surprised you were left feeling violated. I saw an article on facebook comparing consent to offering someone a cup of tea here is the link http://metro.co.uk/2015/03/14/this-t...t-way-5103657/. I hope you find it helpful and I find it's a lot less triggering than a lot of the things you read online about consent.

I have found another forum called 'after silence' where a lot of people are in very similar situations to you and I think you may find it helpful if you like to type things out rather than speak in person.

What a tragic, awful thing to have happened. I'm not far from tears as I write this. I can barely remember being 17, but I do know that I was very unsure of myself even when trying to kiss a girl. I can remember many a loud "tut". Jess is right, anyone who doesn't even care enough to ask if you are ok if you are showing signs of distress is a pretty poor excuse of a human being. I can't empathise and I'm not big headed enough to think I can help. All I can say is that I hope you find a way of coming to terms with this through whatever channels.
Find some joy and all the very best to you :-)

[jittery]

Hello again

I dont know if anyone can help me but i dont know what to do. I was 17 when my boyfriend had sex with me - i was a virgin and he was older than me. I had told him i didn't think i was ready for sex, and i wanted to wait a bit. i had only known him a few weeks and we were fooling around so it's not like i was a total angel.
I had one armed trapped underneath me and i couldn't move and he had sex with me from behind, it was so painful i cried but i desperately didn't want him to know i was crying. i didn't say no though, id dint speak, i couldn't move. He came inside me and then went to the toilet, i lay shivering in the bed not knowing what to do. i was bleeding and was in so miuch pain - when he came back he had sex with me again, again from behind, and it was so painful i bit the pillow to stop him hearing me cry. He drove me home afterwards and gave me some money to buy the morning after pill. I cried all night, and had a panic attack whn i had to get the morning after pill.

I stayed with him for six months because he took my virginity and i wanted it to be special, i ddint want my first time to be with someone i didnt care about, and he always wanted sex everytime he saw me - we had sex in toilets, in his car, in a nightclub - i never wanted to but i didn't say no to him. If i didn't say no it can't be rape can it as he wouldn't know that i was hating it? He eventually dumped me by text after those six months

I am so confused i want to know was i raped??? pleas someone help me to understsand what i did wrong

Hello again. I was so upset when I read your post first I couldn't really answer. Now don't get blaming yourself for anything or thinking you've done anything wrong: you haven't. When I lost my virginity at 19 I was so confused the woman had to pick me up and put me inside her. In had no confidence at that age to either act descisively or even speak up. NO ONE can hold against you the fact that you wanted your first time to be something special- we all do.
I can't answer whether you were raped or not. I don't know if you would ever get a straight answer: some will say yes , some will say no. What I would say is that you are young. You will find someone who will fall in love with you, and when you do they will make love to you. The difference between sex and making love is so, so special I can say it's the most wonderful experience you will have AND you've still got that to look forward to.
All the best to you; find the joy and I'm sure you'll do what's right

[ADHDguy]

I dont know that you were raped by you were definitely treated with a lack of sensitivity and empathy.