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Hello
My name is Lizzie and im 21, I really don't know where to start and why im writing this really, i suppose just to talk about it and try to understand my feelings! Sorry if this is long!
Well i was raped when i was 14, i was having a rough time at home, started running away and getting in with the wrong people, i used to run away with a friend (well i say friend but she wasn't much a friend really) she was older than me and had a bad reputation with blokes but i suppose i looked up to her don't know why, well she used to take me clubbing and was always pushing me to go with men, one night we were on our way to a club when 2 men in a car stopped to ask us if we wanted to go for a drive and they had drink, but we said No and we took thier number, after we had been to the club my friend phoned the men and they came and picked us up, that night we drove around drinking and i got very drunk, after that night we met up with them a couple of time and each time i would get really drunk and end up having sex with them both sometimes, i was so mixed up didn't know what i was feeling about it all just didn't feel like i was me if you know what i mean, i was still having trouble at home and ended up going in to a care home, which then the men started to ring and txt me all the time saying they were coming to pick me up and that, they used to take me back to this empty flat and there was 3 of them and they would make me drink lots of alcohol and tell me to do things such as strip and and they would either all have sex with me or 2 would watch the other having sex with me, this went on for a few months and i think back now and think why did i go with them i punish myself and get so confused but it was just i felt like i couldn't get out of it and no one cared! There was even times, these men were asians and they once had a different guy there who they said was from their country and made me have sex with him aswell! As i said this went on for months until one of my care workers said they had seen me in a car with some men and it was then i finally let it all out and told him what was happening, i found out after that they said they had seen me in a car with men as a lie, because they had all noticed something was wrong with me!
Well i went to the police and made statements and they did all the health checks, blood tests and that, they told me they had arrested the 1 man because i managed to remember alot about him and his job and stuff, he was claiming he didn't know me when they arrested him but they soon found him out to be lieing when they checked my mobile and found txts from his mobile asking me to have a gang bang! I had to make a video of my statements for the court, we went to court and they played my videos and then i was asked questions though a tv screen, it was the most terrifying thing i ever did, it felt like they were trying to say i was to blame, it was horrible! Anyway they he did go to Jail, he got 7 years, which i was happy with at least he was in jail! I could't bring the other men to court as i didn't have enough eveidence they said!
Well im sorry that this is so long, i haven't spoken to many people about it, my family sort of brushed it under the carpet so to speak and i was never offered counselling! I just cant seem to get this feeling away every now and again i think maybe i did deserve it and that, and im also angry the other men just got away with what they did to me!
Thank you for reading this
Lizzie
My name is Lizzie and im 21, I really don't know where to start and why im writing this really, i suppose just to talk about it and try to understand my feelings! Sorry if this is long!
Well i was raped when i was 14, i was having a rough time at home, started running away and getting in with the wrong people, i used to run away with a friend (well i say friend but she wasn't much a friend really) she was older than me and had a bad reputation with blokes but i suppose i looked up to her don't know why, well she used to take me clubbing and was always pushing me to go with men, one night we were on our way to a club when 2 men in a car stopped to ask us if we wanted to go for a drive and they had drink, but we said No and we took thier number, after we had been to the club my friend phoned the men and they came and picked us up, that night we drove around drinking and i got very drunk, after that night we met up with them a couple of time and each time i would get really drunk and end up having sex with them both sometimes, i was so mixed up didn't know what i was feeling about it all just didn't feel like i was me if you know what i mean, i was still having trouble at home and ended up going in to a care home, which then the men started to ring and txt me all the time saying they were coming to pick me up and that, they used to take me back to this empty flat and there was 3 of them and they would make me drink lots of alcohol and tell me to do things such as strip and and they would either all have sex with me or 2 would watch the other having sex with me, this went on for a few months and i think back now and think why did i go with them i punish myself and get so confused but it was just i felt like i couldn't get out of it and no one cared! There was even times, these men were asians and they once had a different guy there who they said was from their country and made me have sex with him aswell! As i said this went on for months until one of my care workers said they had seen me in a car with some men and it was then i finally let it all out and told him what was happening, i found out after that they said they had seen me in a car with men as a lie, because they had all noticed something was wrong with me!
Well i went to the police and made statements and they did all the health checks, blood tests and that, they told me they had arrested the 1 man because i managed to remember alot about him and his job and stuff, he was claiming he didn't know me when they arrested him but they soon found him out to be lieing when they checked my mobile and found txts from his mobile asking me to have a gang bang! I had to make a video of my statements for the court, we went to court and they played my videos and then i was asked questions though a tv screen, it was the most terrifying thing i ever did, it felt like they were trying to say i was to blame, it was horrible! Anyway they he did go to Jail, he got 7 years, which i was happy with at least he was in jail! I could't bring the other men to court as i didn't have enough eveidence they said!
Well im sorry that this is so long, i haven't spoken to many people about it, my family sort of brushed it under the carpet so to speak and i was never offered counselling! I just cant seem to get this feeling away every now and again i think maybe i did deserve it and that, and im also angry the other men just got away with what they did to me!
Thank you for reading this
Lizzie
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