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think i am going mad

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  • think i am going mad

    Hi - my introduction is that i was raped by 3 men (wankers) who were 10 hers younger than me. I was drugged - i was let down by the police - i was judged by the cps - it has been horrific. I try and smile - No one gets me. i went to glastonbury with a friend who has known me since i was 16, I am 36, and i couldnt handle the crowds! i was deemed boring! the person who raped me has an amazing life. i had an amazing life. I have severe PTSD - I feel mental! I hate myself. I hate the fact i have been judged - i hate the fact that i have to pursue this myself. I hate the fact that no one gets me and thinks i am a miserable ***** because i am not party girl anymore.

    I challenged the CPS and their attitude was disgusting so I am launching a private prosecution - why should i have to do that - why should anyone who was raped have to do that.

    i see the *******s very day - i live it everyday - they follow me - i struggle because a lot of people rely on me to be smiley. i have had enough. I can't deal with the low lows anymore - i can't deal with felling alone.

    i am not mental. i have just had my life taken away from me and i don't know how to get it back.

    i wish i could bring myself back but i can't. I have received my police file and it is clear they messed up. The cps letter after appeal was disgusting. How can you deal with that. I have lost a lot of friends because they don't understand me.

    I had to have to have an abortion because of the rape. No one recognises that.

    I know i am probably pathetic compared to others - i am not looking for sympathy - i would just like to know that what i am feeling is normal and i am not alone.

    i have to hear about the **** who did it everyday!

    i just want to be myself again xx

  • #2
    Sorry to hear your experience, could I suggest contacting a rape crisis centre? You will receive expert help and support there.

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    • #3
      Jeez,that's one awful experience,I would say what you're feeling is completely normal.
      Have you considered going to your Doctor?
      I know medication isn't for everyone but I put off going to the Doctor and since I have it has helped,hope there is someway you can rebuild your life and I wouldn't worry too much about others opinions,take care. x

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