I need help

[anon26]

Had a police update yesterday. The case gets reviewed by a Sargent who decides if the case is to be taken further. The Sargent has reviewed all the evidence and he believes that there is enough evidence for a conviction so the case will be taken to crown persecution service over the next 3 weeks for the cps to decided if they also feel there is enough evidence for a conviction in court.

My police liaison officer advised that most cases don't even get this far so looking very promising that it will go to court so that's good news. They have a lot of information and evidence that I don't even know about which they will have to tell me if it goes to court but the fact that it is going to cps is really good

[lawlessone2009]

Had a police update yesterday. The case gets reviewed by a Sargent who decides if the case is to be taken further. The Sargent has reviewed all the evidence and he believes that there is enough evidence for a conviction so the case will be taken to crown persecution service over the next 3 weeks for the cps to decided if they also feel there is enough evidence for a conviction in court.

My police liaison officer advised that most cases don't even get this far so looking very promising that it will go to court so that's good news. They have a lot of information and evidence that I don't even know about which they will have to tell me if it goes to court but the fact that it is going to cps is really good

Hey,

I don't know how you view court and Police and the justice system. What I can say is that having read and commented on many threads on here from those falsely accused that the very fact the Police have gathered all the evidence and basically finished their investigations so quick and are ready to pass the file on to the CPS is extraordinary. These things generally take years! Those that are falsely accused languish in hell for so long that by the time anything is actually passed over or decided they're almost ready to collect their pensions...

There could be a time between the file arriving at the CPS and any trial being set. The CPS may request the Police to carry out some further investigating for instance.

The other side of the coin is that potentially the perp has admitted the offending during interview. He may even be willing to plead guilty before you ever have to go to court.

How are you coping this week?

Today is the day! Play it nice and cool.

[anon26]

No its next Wednesday lol.

Yeah feeling ok about it all. Reminding myself I have done nothing wrong and it's not my fault and trying to concentrate on getting my life back.

The police said that the file has been sent and the head of the investigation will go to meet them in 3 weeks and hopefully from that a decision will be made so they must have very clear evidence but I can't remember anything and know very little. Hopefully he will plead guilty but ill cross that bridge when it comes to it I geuss. Just happy I can concentrate on my for a few weeks :-) gunna take more than this to break me!!

[myhome]

That's really good news that it's gone so quickly - as LL1 said - most take months and months. Hoping this is soon over for you and you can rebuild....you've and amazingly positive approach to it all

[anon26]

Right so today was the day I saw my ex. It was very akward and the drink did not happen. He booked himself on the earliest train back to London to avoid the situation. To say the least it was a very stressful day for me and left me feeling like a fool.

He left at 5 and I finished at half 5 cried for the last 30 mins of work. Went to the pub after with a friend as thought getting hammered was the answer to then go on to meet 2 of my friends that have been involved in this situation from the start. They came to my flat once they released I was missing and called the police. They made me diner and talked through today and everything instead of letting me carry on drinking. Feel better for seeing 2 of my friends as I have felt very isolated recently.

Come to the decision that my ex made the call that he does not want to be with me so it is for the best that I no longer keep I'm contact as contact in my eyes is hope. I don't need false hope I need to be selfish and concentrate on getting myself through this. So not what I hoped for at all but I've learnt that I need to concentrate on getting better and only surround myself with people that can help me get there.

I would normally have been fine with the ex situation it's just I have to much on my plate and I think I'm doing well i am going to work every day and trying to live my life.

Rant over

[lawlessone2009]

Right so today was the day I saw my ex. It was very akward and the drink did not happen. He booked himself on the earliest train back to London to avoid the situation. To say the least it was a very stressful day for me and left me feeling like a fool.

He left at 5 and I finished at half 5 cried for the last 30 mins of work. Went to the pub after with a friend as thought getting hammered was the answer to then go on to meet 2 of my friends that have been involved in this situation from the start. They came to my flat once they released I was missing and called the police. They made me diner and talked through today and everything instead of letting me carry on drinking. Feel better for seeing 2 of my friends as I have felt very isolated recently.

Come to the decision that my ex made the call that he does not want to be with me so it is for the best that I no longer keep I'm contact as contact in my eyes is hope. I don't need false hope I need to be selfish and concentrate on getting myself through this. So not what I hoped for at all but I've learnt that I need to concentrate on getting better and only surround myself with people that can help me get there.

I would normally have been fine with the ex situation it's just I have to much on my plate and I think I'm doing well i am going to work every day and trying to live my life.

Rant over

I wanted to reply last night but by god was I tired and sore.

I am reading all that you say and getting various different thoughts.


The relationship probably isn't meant to be.

You have absolutely fantastic friends!!! Unbelievably fantastic! Make sure you don't loose them.


You don't need to concentrate on anything, just be who you are. The more energy you expend attempting to be something else the less energy you'll have for simply being you.


How do you truly feel about your ex? I mean, if you're infatuated with him and in what could be termed 'love' with him then brushing things aside and pretending that you've not been affected by his behaviour will not help. Other peoples opinions of what the behaviour demonstrates will simply pass over you. The mind gets set on what it wants, it finds its signs and then continues on its path almost ignoring that the path is wrong.

Just now is really not a time when you should be experiencing hurt and pain. Your mind will have so many different questions that you really did not need yesterdays weirdness from your ex. My opinion is that anyone worth their salt would've met with you after work and had an open and honest conversation with you. They'd have explained their thoughts and feelings in a soft and caring manner and tried to keep hurt to a minimum.

Instead he's coldly disappeared. No explanations and clearly little regard for you as a person. You guys were actually in a relationship! You were talking after the relationship was kind of broken up, it's not as if you were hardened enemies that hated each others guts! The very least he should have done was sit and talk for a little while.

There is of course still the strong possibility that he has reasons. They would need to be pretty darned good reasons in my opinion but they could potentially still exist.

I would say the following:

Spend time with your friends. They clearly care deeply for you.

Avoid contact with your ex. Let him contact you next. If he does let him know exactly what his actions have done to your feelings. Don't let him sweet talk his way out of things. You don't need to mention your own seperate hurt or provide explanation just cut it right down to the fact he didn't even have the decency to share a pint and have a blooming chat even if it was just about work or football or the price of the beer that's being consumed.



Relationship breakups happen. People change. All kinds of external influences shape decisions. If I knew you I'd have had a pint with you, it's not a big ask. Hell, a couple of pints and a packet of crisps.


I'm sorry to hear the plans didn't work out. Maybe it's a sign that it simply wasn't to be. Your friends came through for you yet again, I'd spend time with them as it will clearly be time very well spent.

[Jredge]

Hello im new on here how do i start a new thread?

[lawlessone2009]

Hello im new on here how do i start a new thread?

Toward the top left hand corner of (click on following link) there is a box called "+Post New Thread":

http://www.daftmoo.org.uk/mooforum/f...ice-Been-raped

Selecting box will bring you to a page of your own where you can add your thread title and lay out whatever information you wish to.

Please ensure that you are in the correct sub headed group for your new thread ie: Been Raped or Falsely Accused etc.

Please provide a reply to this message so that I can delete your original message, my response and your acknowledgement as they are within someones thread and could lead to confusion.

[anon26]

Thank you.

That really helped. Cutting contact is the best. Saw a friend again tonight and had a laugh as well so feeling better. Was very low last night having thoughts like it would be easier for everyone if I was dead etc not good.

But feeling more positive today.

Got a call from rape crisis and they have pushes my emotional support forward and have an assessment on Tuesday. Lady was really nice I spoke to and I'm hopeful that it will help me.

I have been ok otherwise yesterday was just not what I needed. I will meet someone that deserves me and someone who can handle the fact that I have and am going through a lot.

Time is a great healer and I have lots of time and like you said amazing friends so I'm lucky in that respect. Stressing about a guy is not worth my energy like you said I need to concentrate on being me again

[lawlessone2009]

Thank you.

That really helped. Cutting contact is the best. Saw a friend again tonight and had a laugh as well so feeling better. Was very low last night having thoughts like it would be easier for everyone if I was dead etc not good.

But feeling more positive today.

Got a call from rape crisis and they have pushes my emotional support forward and have an assessment on Tuesday. Lady was really nice I spoke to and I'm hopeful that it will help me.

I have been ok otherwise yesterday was just not what I needed. I will meet someone that deserves me and someone who can handle the fact that I have and am going through a lot.

Time is a great healer and I have lots of time and like you said amazing friends so I'm lucky in that respect. Stressing about a guy is not worth my energy like you said I need to concentrate on being me again

Good news that the emotional support is being pushed forward and your off to see someone on Tuesday. The internet may be a great place for typing up issues and receiving replies but it does lack the actual 'human being in front of you'. Obviously the forum members when they are here and replying can provide some form of comfort but it isn't always the same. I hope it goes well for you and don't hesitate to share your experience with us or have a rant.

As for suicide. If you're anywhere near the actual edge then type the word into Google and select whatever catches your eye. I've done it so many times now I could most likely recite paragraphs from various sites. There are many different approaches taken by sites from the brutally honest to the kind hearted stories. Don't feel bad for exploring what is being said about it as normally it detracts the mind enough to help you forget. What I would clearly state is DO NOT under any circumstances visit those sites whilst listening to music as every time you hear the song(s) you will be reminded about 'that' space in time.

Keep up the friend visits and the distractions. Everything is moving forward and you are progressing at some rate of knots. It's good to spend time with people and get up to normal everyday escapades.

In time you will meet someone. There is someone out there for everyone, apparently... It's the finding of them that seems the hard bit! If you simply carry on with your life and keep up the socialising and friendships then your path will cross with the 'one'. I wouldn't worry about highlighting what you're going through, they will accept you for who you are and everything that comes with you is a bonus. You're clearly a strong and determined lady, you may not feel it but it takes extra-ordinary strength to do what you are doing and deal with things the way you are.

View all that you have achieved and understand that having a set back or a bad day is just like everyone else has, it's an isolated thing in the grander scheme of life and certainly not something that defines you. Gain strength and knowledge from it and approach your next hurdle in life. Some hurdles are that big that once you manage to get over them in some manner you will find that all future hurdles are so insignificant that very little effort is required to pass them.

Time is indeed a healer. Stressing about guys is something I've never done... It's a woman thing....

[anon26]

Haha that is true.

I find writing on here such a comfort and I do need to remind myself from time to time that I have shown great strength so far.

I must admit I will be happy once or if this goes to court and I can get some kind of closure.

I may start a journal to help me through the tough times as writing it down seems to help.

But it's the weekend time to see my friends and attempt to have some fun.

[myhome]

hi anon - you are doing really well and need to be proud of yourself. Cut all ties with the man - he doesn't deserve you. Keeping a journal is a great idea - writing things down gets it out of your head, then when it's all over - burn it without re-reading it......it's gone physically and emotionally then...

[anon26]

hi anon - you are doing really well and need to be proud of yourself. Cut all ties with the man - he doesn't deserve you. Keeping a journal is a great idea - writing things down gets it out of your head, then when it's all over - burn it without re-reading it......it's gone physically and emotionally then...

thank you im trying my best. I went out with my friends last night for the first time and drank which was weird. had a good time drank a lot danced all the usual stuff although its not so easy for me. the last time I went out I woke up in a park battered and bruised and no idea where I was and I knew I h ad been raped.

nothing bad happened to me I just enjoyed myself then when I got back to my friends place I cried!!! no idea why I cried cant even really remember why I cried think it was a massive step for me to go out and that was probably bound to make me feel emotional. plus alcohol can have that effect I guess.

my friends where so good reassuring me that I was ok and its ok to cry and it is no big deal if I want to cry. they are so great! still feel like an idiot but it is getting easier everyday.

I will be happier once I know what decision CPS have made in regards to court etc.

totally right about my ex he clearly doesn't care and I don't need the stress. haven't heard from him since he came into the office on Wednesday and I have deleted his number and Skype and snapshat just from everything. when he next contacts me I will say I would be happy to be friends later but right now its to stressful for me and it hurts me and he has hurt me weather he meant to or not and I am weak right now.

enough about him I am more important right now and my friends. even if they are the reason I am hung-over today

[Music lady]

Hi Anon,

Wow! You're doing amazingly well. Sorry I haven't posted for a while. I have been reading your posts.

That must've taken a lot of strength to go out with your friends last night. You have amazing strength! So pleased that you have really good friends.

Well done for cutting your ex out. He clearly doesn't deserve you.

After all you've been through, I think crying is a normal reaction. Hopefully the emotional support on Tuesday will help.

[anon26]

Thank you music lady. Yeah it did feel like a big step going out and I'm glad I did it. Can only get easier. Have to remind myself it's only been 6 weeks or so since it happened. I will be ok and get through this with my friends help ♡