I need help

[lawlessone2009]

No you don't have to stop posting if you were falsely accused that's not your fault. Had a bad day yesterday so left work at 3 hoping today will be better but 2.5 full days so far is pretty good going I think :-)

Thank you.

As for 'not my fault'. It has certainly felt like that more often than not. I even had my parents blaming me saying that I should never have associated with 'those people', they still bring it up!

Leaving work at 3 isn't a bad thing. I'm surprised you're managing to go in. I am sure your work will be more than understanding. One day at a time. 2 1/2 days is awesome and you should definitely treat yourself this weekend for the achievement.


I am more than willing to 'butt out' of your thread if you didn't feel comfortable or were surprised or are just generally not wanting me posting. I am sure 'myhome' gives the same level of understanding. Your thread is yours, don't feel compelled to change your thoughts and DO feel free to voice your thoughts if you need too.

I'm hoping you had a decent day yesterday and that you will be enjoying a good day today.

[anon26]

Thursday was good after what ended up being a really bad Wednesday. My ex who just moved got in contact which upset me then my mum told my oldest brother who lives abroad what happened without asking me so I was really angry and am currently not speaking to her which is akward considering I'm living at my parents at the moment. Sure I will have to deal with that later. Just pissed me off because she should have asked me first. Annoyed me that my ex contacted me I know he cares but it's not the same he doesn't talk to me I'm the same way and that also makes me angry.

Thursday was fine went to work had a busy good day then saw some friends in the evening and laughed for what feels like the first time in a long time and actually enjoyed myself. Then today not so great been really stress and tired and gone home and locked myself in my room avoiding my mum. I feel like I have no control over my actions or emotions right now. I think I will feel better for an early night.

So bitter about the end of what I thought was the start of something great with that guy. Wish I could get a break. I hate my life

[lawlessone2009]

Thursday was good after what ended up being a really bad Wednesday. My ex who just moved got in contact which upset me then my mum told my oldest brother who lives abroad what happened without asking me so I was really angry and am currently not speaking to her which is akward considering I'm living at my parents at the moment. Sure I will have to deal with that later. Just pissed me off because she should have asked me first. Annoyed me that my ex contacted me I know he cares but it's not the same he doesn't talk to me I'm the same way and that also makes me angry.

Thursday was fine went to work had a busy good day then saw some friends in the evening and laughed for what feels like the first time in a long time and actually enjoyed myself. Then today not so great been really stress and tired and gone home and locked myself in my room avoiding my mum. I feel like I have no control over my actions or emotions right now. I think I will feel better for an early night.

So bitter about the end of what I thought was the start of something great with that guy. Wish I could get a break. I hate my life

Jeez... Parents, brothers, exs, houses, days...

What a blooming day and no wonder you were pissed off...

I think I'd mentioned early about people treating you differently or talking differently. They just don't know what to say or how to say it. They'll also be concerned. He DID phone...............

Unless you actually contacted him?

Laughing is fantastic. Make sure you don't end up like some of us on here that spend time laughing at the most ridiculous things and at the most idiotic and wrong times. You become a bit disassociated with things in life, what someone views as deadly serious and an 'end' you view as nothing to be worried about and smile! I've done it so many times now that some people think I'm a maverick nutcase and others just avoid me...

Let's hope you remain 'normal' and being with friends and having a giggle is so far inside normal that you're putting some of us to shame. I don't really have any real life friends anymore...

Taking a tantrum and avoiding your mum and locking yourself in your room. Hey, cool. You do what you need to do, nobody in their right mind is going to have a go at you for it. Everyone will be adjusting to things though so don't go too hard on them. Life has many twists and turns many of which can be planned for or expected generally, the change in you which will be happening regardless(ly) will take a bit of time for everyone around you to catch up with. Very few people have experience of what to do or say so may seem selfish or uncaring but remember that it's the exact opposite they just do not know how to express it.

I'm for an early night too... Been suffering aggression all day...

As for 'that guy', 'something great' and 'get a break'... Who you kidding? The opposite sex are never great and you most certainly will never ever ever get a break in life if you hang around with the opposite sex... Humour aside, you haven't lost the great guy in life when you get your break all you've done is turned a little corner and set out on a different path! You'll meet lots of great people along your travels just be sure that you don't settle for any less than the best.

[myhome]

I feel like I have no control over my actions or emotions right now. I think I will feel better for an early night.

Hi anon - it's likely that you don't have as much control over your emotions as you used to have. Your brain has taken a battering and your code and morals for living your life have too. Your conscious and subconscious minds will need a lot of time to try to sort out and try to make some sense of what's happened and then try to rationalise it and then learn to live with it. This process can play havoc with your emotions.
If you think about it, our emotions are never stationary anyway - we have good days, down days, the blues, the grumps, the joys etc. When you have experienced trauma these changes are magnified and seemingly out of control. It can be very difficult to fight against this, so maybe best to accept that this is what is happening at the moment and allow your emotions the space they need.....
You need to be proud of what you have achieved so far - you have a fantastic positive attitude......

[lawlessone2009]

Hi anon - it's likely that you don't have as much control over your emotions as you used to have. Your brain has taken a battering and your code and morals for living your life have too. Your conscious and subconscious minds will need a lot of time to try to sort out and try to make some sense of what's happened and then try to rationalise it and then learn to live with it. This process can play havoc with your emotions.
If you think about it, our emotions are never stationary anyway - we have good days, down days, the blues, the grumps, the joys etc. When you have experienced trauma these changes are magnified and seemingly out of control. It can be very difficult to fight against this, so maybe best to accept that this is what is happening at the moment and allow your emotions the space they need.....
You need to be proud of what you have achieved so far - you have a fantastic positive attitude......

Jeez, I'm with you and can I have some of whatever you've been drinking?

That is an awesome post, full of insight and guidance.

I'm in awe.

[Music lady]

I'll have some of whatever LL1 and MH have been drinking

I can't really add anything to the advice you've been given. I can see why you're cross with your mum. Just take your time and don't rush things. I agree with MH, you do have a fantastic positive attitude

[anon26]

It's not easy it is very much like my brain is at war that is the best way to describe it.

I guess I am being hard on my ex he did try but I am fed up of pity and it being the the main focus.

Today I am having my hair done and eyebrow wax done tho that's bound to make me feel better. May as well look good show people I'm not going to roll over and take it and fight back. I do try to be positive but don't get me wrong at some point of nearly every day I wish I hadn't been found and I didn't make it home as that option would be easier then dealing with such a horrific experience but I have to play the hand I have been dealt and get on with my life.

It's been an easier week with no police updates so I'm gunna try to enjoy the weekend ♡

[lawlessone2009]

It's not easy it is very much like my brain is at war that is the best way to describe it.

I guess I am being hard on my ex he did try but I am fed up of pity and it being the the main focus.

Today I am having my hair done and eyebrow wax done tho that's bound to make me feel better. May as well look good show people I'm not going to roll over and take it and fight back. I do try to be positive but don't get me wrong at some point of nearly every day I wish I hadn't been found and I didn't make it home as that option would be easier then dealing with such a horrific experience but I have to play the hand I have been dealt and get on with my life.

It's been an easier week with no police updates so I'm gunna try to enjoy the weekend ♡

Your brain is an extremely complex lump of a thing. It is reliant on 'signals' from throughout your body. At the moment your actual body from a physical sense may well be shouting 'we're alright ere' but from an emotional point of view it is shouting 'problem ere gov'. The emotional side will be of such magnitude that it will over run everything. Your brain is desperately looking for the 'solution' from its arsenal but there isn't one. Time is the only solution. The issue is that over time if you do not deal with your emotional issues then these 'remain' and become part of your everyday function and you'll feel 'wrong' if they are not present.

Storing things up leads to big issues later on. Your immediate actions should involve just what you are doing (I still have no idea how you're managing it though!) with the continuation of a normal life and your extra little treats. I had my hair 'done' yesterday by the way...

As for 'looking good'. Only take it so far, don't turn it into an addiction or reliance. Keep it as a treat. You looked good before anything happened and you'll continue to look good for a while yet (just wait until age starts its nasty work!).

Are you managing to eat yet? That is one area where you really should over do it just now even if it's some weird far out super expensive exquisite piece of rarity, get it down your gullet and fill that belly of yours. If all else fails buy a bag of grapes and sit and munch on em, I did that so often back when I was going through hell.

As for your 'not found' and 'making it home'. I've been stuck in similar now for so long that it DOES seem normal to me. You only need to mention the 's' word and I suddenly feel a comforting pulse through my body soothing my emotions and calming me. Well, STOP it right there and don't allow it to take hold (easier said than done I know). That moment in time that has brought you so much hurt and pain is gone, never to return. There is nothing within anything that you had control over which created or in any way allowed to happen that which happened. There is nothing in your present life that can change anything in the past. You can reflect on it but you cannot change it.

My mum often said what happened to me was 'a lesson learned the hard way'. She had absolutely no idea what that really meant to me. No doubt you will be getting similar vibes from those around you that care for you. They do not mean it in a literal sense although it seems to stab at the heart. There is no way for them to say anything different, they are incapable of such a thing because they do not know what it actually means to be the 'one'. Your mother telling your brother is most likely because she had to speak to someone and your brother IS part of the family. She most likely didn't believe it'd really cause any upset. If you've made it clear that it has then no doubt she'll take her lead from that and keep her mouth shut from now on.

It's a confusing time for everyone around you. It's even more confusing for you. A whirl of emotions and thoughts and stress and strain. In time you will be able to pick apart everything that you are presently experiencing and then some form of healing can begin.

As for the Police. It's always good to get some peace and quiet where they are concerned. I suppose you are potentially looking for some peace and quiet at the opposite end of the scales from where I was though.

Keep your chin up, smile even if you want to cry and make sure and look after that hair of yours.

[anon26]

My appetite isn't as good as it once was but I am eating not the best foods I must admit but I'm eating. Plan to start the gym I'm July and a super healthy diet to give me more energy and something postive to focus on and kill time. The weekends are strange as I would normally be out and instead I stay in but in time I'm sure that will change to. New hair do is awsome Deffo made me feel a bit better.

I know she wouldn't have meant to upset me but she needs to apologise. Until then she will be getting the silent treatment.

Start my theropy in July to deal with the emotional side can't wait to be honest I know it will take time I just want to move on .

[myhome]

Awwwww LL1 and ML - thanks.... you both ain't so bad yourselves..... Strangely - and thankfully I rarely drink now....it's just that I'm of hugely advanced years and have learnt a lot especially over the last 6 years........
anon - hope you had a great time with your treat. Going out will gradually come back as you grow mentally and physically stronger....

[anon26]

So stayed in bed all of Sunday was so tired after a full week in the office. Actually had a good day today more a less like normal. My ex gave me a kitten not long after it happened and he had his op today (spade) and text my ex to say wish the cat luck and turns out he is going to be down next Wednesday in the office (works for same company) so we have agreed to go for a drink after work. I really want to see him and I'm quite excited. In my head I'm like make sure you look hot and show how well you are doing and hope he changes his mind and goes for long distance. Seriously think I'm playing with fire here but he was so supportive over the first few weeks it happened before he left and the only reason we are no longer together is because or geography. What are your thoughts people should I expect to feel **** after or just enjoy it and spend some time with him as finds ahhhh I am doing so much better now well i think I am

[myhome]

Difficult one...my suggestion that you go with no expectations at all expect to enjoy yourself. Then if he doesn't change his mind you won't be disappointed, and if he does then it will be a lovely bonus....good luck and have a great evening

[anon26]

Thanks It's nor till next week anyway don't think he will change his mind after one night but if I show I'm ok and more myself maybe he will start to realise I can cope and at least I can show how strong I am I guess

[lawlessone2009]

Thanks It's nor till next week anyway don't think he will change his mind after one night but if I show I'm ok and more myself maybe he will start to realise I can cope and at least I can show how strong I am I guess

You have absolutely nothing to prove or show.

Just be 'you'. Not a new you, a 'hot' you or some kind of funky hybrid you. Just you.

He clearly liked 'you'.

He's also coming to see 'you'.

He bought you a blooming cat!

LoL...

If you need a cry then have one. Any man would be a fool not to offer a cuddle.

Remember, he's a bloke. Blokes are silly at times and say the completely wrong things. He's a bloke and all blokes do it.

Have a fun comfortable and loving night together. I would say it is exactly what you need. I wouldn't go pushing anything regarding relationships or the likes, just play it nice and relaxed/almost cool (if you can do 'cool'.........)

Clearly by the very fact he's going to be down and also that he's visiting 'you' there is interest. Guys like to think they're being subtle and stuff but he's being blatantly obvious! Indulge him, indulge yourself. Keep it all positive but don't be afraid to show the real you, if you need a cry have it!!!

Males love females who need a jolly big hug. A kind of 'equals' type thing. He hugs you, you hug him and together you are one.

If I was you I'd be smiling to the moon and back.

[anon26]

Thank you that is exactly what I needed to hear and what I think :-).

Best to enjoy the time I get with him and remain hopeful