A feelings rants type post...

[Music lady]

Hi, Sorry to post this here, but I need to get this out.
I hope no one minds me posting this here. Sorry if it doesn't belong here.

I spoke to my sister on the phone about my past. I now feel that I'm making a mountain out of a mole hill. Just don't know how I should feel. I feel numb, like everything I went through is ok. It was ok for me to spend my childhood terrified because my dad knew no different. He meant well. So it must be ok, right?

I just *shrugs* I just can't even find the words at the moment.

[RFLH]

no - it's not right - you are allowed to feel how you feel.

Your sister doesn't know how it feels to be you - or does she?

[myhome]

Hi ML - no worries about ranting - everyone needs to offload sometimes...

No-one can know how you feel even if they have been through the same. Someone once said to me, "I don't walk in your shoes, but we have shopped in the same shoe shop!" I think this sums it up. If your sister hasn't even shopped in the same shoe shop of you she can't begin to understand how you are feeling. and another friend said, " One person's molehill is another person's mountain!" which is very true.

Feelings are intensely personal and everyone can feel what ever they want to....everyone's life experiences make them into the person they are.

[Music lady]

Thanks RFLH and MH for your replies.

I like your analogies MH. I've always thought what my ex bf did to me affected me more than my childhood. However, I feel worse now after talking to my sister than I did when I spoke to her about my ex.

My sister told me that I got more help with my homework than she did. Thing is, I saw it more as interference. I'm now beginning to think that my childhood has affected me more. I just don't know why I feel like this. More to the point, do I really want to know?

[myhome]

if you think that knowing and understanding would give you answers and put your mind at rest, then knowing is a good thing....

[welshgirl]

Hi, Sorry to post this here, but I need to get this out.
I hope no one minds me posting this here. Sorry if it doesn't belong here.

I spoke to my sister on the phone about my past. I now feel that I'm making a mountain out of a mole hill. Just don't know how I should feel. I feel numb, like everything I went through is ok. It was ok for me to spend my childhood terrified because my dad knew no different. He meant well. So it must be ok, right?

I just *shrugs* I just can't even find the words at the moment.

Hey Music Lady,

Sorry only just seeing this now

It's such a shame that speaking to your sister made you feel worse. I am sure that you are not making a mountain out of a mole hill and I'm sorry that she made you feel this way. No child should spend their childhood terrified as you describe, so it is most definitely not ok. Doesn't matter if he 'meant well' or 'knew no different' that is no excuse for making you feel the way he did. His job was to nurture and protect you, not leave a legacy of hurt and pain. You are justified to feel the way you do. Have you addressed this with your counsellor?

Hope that things are ok for you right now

[Music lady]

Hi, thanks for all the replies. They mean so much to me.

MH, I've realised that my white coat phobia probably stems from my childhood. So I guess knowing might help with that, or I may have to deal with my phobia as a separate issue.

WG, I haven't seen my counsellor yet. I'm now going once a month. I nearly rung her to bring my next visit forward. I was struggling to function and felt rotten. I'm feeling better now, but still up and down. At least now I feel as though I can function. I've decided not to speak to my sister about it again. I keep a journal of my thoughts and feelings between my visits to my counsellor. I'm finding that once the feelings have passed, it's hard to remember how I felt until they surface again.

Thanks for all your support, it's very much appreciated. I hope you're all ok too.

[welshgirl]

Glad to hear that your feeling slightly better Music Lady

Yes probably a good idea not to speak to your sister about things again as she doesn't sound very helpful at all. Your counsellor is better able to help you with your thoughts/ feelings I'm sure. Sorry to hear that your only going once a month and I hope that is ok for your needs. Good idea to journal everything in the meantime. I can relate a lot to what you said about finding it hard to feel those feelings after they have surfaced

[Music lady]

Thanks WG

I hope you're ok, just noticed the time when you posted on here. I hope you're not a member of the 'Can't sleep' club. I've found it a hard club to leave.

Sometimes once a month isn't enough, but it's hard to judge when I'm there. It just depends what comes to the surface in between sessions. I have been before now and not had much to discuss. It just depends. I am going to ask if I can e-mail her between sessions, just to keep her updated on how I'm doing. I'm feeling a bit anxious about Thursday now. I have a meeting at work that I'm going to be leaving, feeling happy. Then virtually straight after, I see my counsellor. I just feel as though so much has happened since I last saw her. I'm worried that while I'm in a happy mood, I might forget to mention something I'm struggling with.

I've written lots in my thoughts and feelings book. I don't think I'll have time to mention everything, which is another reason for asking to email her. I'm going to write a summary for my counsellor on Thurs, and just go from there.

Sorry if I've rambled a bit

[welshgirl]

Hi ML

Hope that your doing ok

I think emailing your counsellor to keep her updated in between sessions is a really good idea. A lot can happen in a month and it must be hard to keep on top of everything you wish to discuss. Maybe every other week would be better for you? It's a tricky one for sure!

Yes, I am most definitely a member of the can't sleep club! Night time always seems the worst doesn't it?! Kids in bed and time to think! Not always a good thing! I find that things on tv start me off thinking of things too, hard to switch off then.

Here anytime you want to chat Hun x

[Music lady]

Welcome to the Can't Sleep club. Night times are the worst. Although it's not so much thinking about things for me, I just feel scared to go to bed. Anyone would think my hubby's scary, but he's great. I wouldn't have made it this far without him. Poor thing is a bit neglected, but I just can't help it.

I can't afford to go to my counsellor every other week unfortunately, too expensive.

Thanks for the offer. Here for you too

ML

[welshgirl]

Welcome to the Can't Sleep club. Night times are the worst. Although it's not so much thinking about things for me, I just feel scared to go to bed. Anyone would think my hubby's scary, but he's great. I wouldn't have made it this far without him. Poor thing is a bit neglected, but I just can't help it.

I can't afford to go to my counsellor every other week unfortunately, too expensive.

Thanks for the offer. Here for you too

ML

Aw sorry to hear that you get scared to go to bed, that's not a nice feeling and I can certainly relate to that. I think that's why I used to drink too much, as I found it made me less anxious and knocked me out. Not that I am advocating that mind! Maybe the doctor could prescribe something for you if it is really troubling for you

Hubby sounds lovely. I am glad that you have some much needed support in your life, after all you have been through. I am sure that he is not neglected and I am sure that he understands. My other half is essentially a good guy but pretty lacking in sensitivity to be fair! I find it hard to talk about stuff anyway. But it usually doesn't go well so I don't bother anymore. Shame really as it would bring us closer I'm sure.

[Music lady]

Sorry if this is an overreaction, but I need to vent!

I was listening to the news, when the update on Stuart Hall's trial came on. Made me feel so cross. One of the girls was asked if she consented. She replied 'I wasn't tied down and r*ped if that's what you mean'
She was then asked 'Did you feel flattered and seduced?'

My ex used flattery, which I fell for. Made me feel that he was saying I deserved it. That because I fell for flattery, I somehow consented. I said NO!! He told me things that I hadn't been told before. For the first time in my life, he made me feel beautiful. Why would someone even suggest that it could be taken as consent? He manipulated the situation. He saw a vulnerable and naive teen, how is that my fault? This is part of the reason I've never reported him.

Sorry if this upsets anyone, I just had to get it out.

[Faith]

There's an archaic attitude still in many of these cases that there has to be violence and intimidation to be raped when in fact, the truth is very much the opposite. In order to exert pressure and to take advantage, flattery is often used as a tool to break down defences...that doesn't mean that any victim was 'asking for it'
It is certainly not a crime to be flattered and some of these criminals are VERY good at what they do.

Never anything wrong with you having a vent my lovely. Use this as your platform to let it out as and when you need. That's why we are here.

[Music lady]

Thank you Faith for your kind words. They mean a lot to me. It's good to know I can vent away on here.