Been raped Ned to know if others feel the same

[Harlieghbella]

Hi

Someone tried to rape me 9'years ago and I am only just facing up to it now.

I have been with my husband now for 7 years and still find it difficult to initiative sex he thinks that I don't want him but it's not that I'm scared i don't want to have flash backs, I'm ok when it is happening and enjoy it but it's just the initiation of it how can I get over this????

[RFLH]

Hi, thanks for posting.

Have you ever had counselling? Feeling as you do is common, you can't go through something traumatic without it leaving its effects.

You could also try Rape Crisis, they are extremely helpful and will take the time to talk to you and importantly to listen.

[Music lady]

Hi, I agree with RFLH. How you're feeling is normal for what you've been through. I think counselling would help you as well. I have found that it can take a while after something like this happens before we realise we still need to deal with it.

I have things from my past that I thought I had dealt with, but now I'm realising I haven't. I've found counselling to be very helpful even if it is hard at times.

When you become a full member, feel free to PM me.

[myhome]

Hi and welcome and for being brave enough to post.....

You have been given some really good advice by RFLH and ML. Counselling can be very very helpful but it has to been with specially trained counsellors because by its very nature, talking about past experiences evokes some powerful and upsetting memories. It may also be that you are experiences some symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder....

http://www.mind.org.uk/information-s...sorder-(ptsd)/

http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/Post-tr...roduction.aspx

Have you confided in your husband? He may possibly be wondering why you don't initiate intimacy. If he knew and understood he may be able to help you and it may also put his mind at rest too if he is puzzling over this aspect of your lives. If it helps, I used to feel the same and my abuse occurred when I was 6....I only sought counselling last year with a specialist Rape Counselling centre and I so wish I'd done it years ago. It also explained a lot of other things and beliefs about the way I lived my life too...

MusicLady has made you a lovely offer and when you are a full member, don't be afraid to accept her offer of private messaging her.....

[Harlieghbella]

Thank u

Hi

Thank u for replying to my message and thank u for the advice it is really helping.

My husband was the first person I told about what happened to me and he is so understanding I only admitted to him and myself last week that I wasn't over it (he knew I wasn't)

I was hoping I could get over this without counselling think I'm just scared of having to talk about it as I just breakdown and it makes me feel like it was my fault.


How do I become a full member?

Hi and welcome and for being brave enough to post.....

You have been given some really good advice by RFLH and ML. Counselling can be very very helpful but it has to been with specially trained counsellors because by its very nature, talking about past experiences evokes some powerful and upsetting memories. It may also be that you are experiences some symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder....

http://www.mind.org.uk/information-s...sorder-(ptsd)/

http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/Post-tr...roduction.aspx

Have you confided in your husband? He may possibly be wondering why you don't initiate intimacy. If he knew and understood he may be able to help you and it may also put his mind at rest too if he is puzzling over this aspect of your lives. If it helps, I used to feel the same and my abuse occurred when I was 6....I only sought counselling last year with a specialist Rape Counselling centre and I so wish I'd done it years ago. It also explained a lot of other things and beliefs about the way I lived my life too...

MusicLady has made you a lovely offer and when you are a full member, don't be afraid to accept her offer of private messaging her.....

[Harlieghbella]

Thank u

Hi

Thank u for replying to my message and thank u for the advice it is really helping. :

My husband was the first person I told about what happened to me and he is so understanding I only admitted to him and myself last week that I wasn't over it (he knew I wasn't)

I was hoping I could get over this without counselling think I'm just scared of having to talk about it as I just breakdown and it makes me feel like it was my fault.

How do I go about finding a councillor to talk to?

How do I become a full member?

[Music lady]

Hi, to become a full member, you need to post at least 5 posts and be a member for 10 days.

I can relate so much to wanting to get through this without help. I was hoping to do the same. In the end I realised I had to get help. I was starting to feel worse. It might be different for you though.

I have more to deal with than being r*ped by my ex bf. I have childhood issues as well.

I'm so pleased that you have an understanding and supportive husband.

[Harlieghbella]

I told my husband I would get help but am scared feel that it would easier
For me to do it myself and through the forum but will I really be able to get through it????

Hi, to become a full member, you need to post at least 5 posts and be a member for 10 days.

I can relate so much to wanting to get through this without help. I was hoping to do the same. In the end I realised I had to get help. I was starting to feel worse. It might be different for you though.

I have more to deal with than being r*ped by my ex bf. I have childhood issues as well.

I'm so pleased that you have an understanding and supportive husband.

[Music lady]

Hi, it's really your choice whether to have counselling or not. Sorry if that sounds a bit blunt, it isn't meant to. We will support you as best as we can on this forum, but we're not professionals.

I couldn't have made it this far without the support I've recieved from this forum. My counsellor guides me through my issues and gives me coping strategies. We're here for you whatever you decide.

When I was trying to decide on counselling, someone told me that to go it alone, would be like a heart surgeon trying to perform heart surgery on himself. Sometimes we don't see what our issues are, but a professional would. BUT, it has to be your choice.

Hope this helps. Here if you need me.

[Harlieghbella]

Hi,

It doesn't sound blunt at all I know it's my choice just don't know what to do for the best.

I am seriously considering counselling and want to do what is best for me and my family.

Don't even know how to go about getting a counsellor.

But your advise really is helping so thank you

Hi, it's really your choice whether to have counselling or not. Sorry if that sounds a bit blunt, it isn't meant to. We will support you as best as we can on this forum, but we're not professionals.

I couldn't have made it this far without the support I've recieved from this forum. My counsellor guides me through my issues and gives me coping strategies. We're here for you whatever you decide.

When I was trying to decide on counselling, someone told me that to go it alone, would be like a heart surgeon trying to perform heart surgery on himself. Sometimes we don't see what our issues are, but a professional would. BUT, it has to be your choice.

Hope this helps. Here if you need me.

[myhome]

To find a counsellor use google or similar and type in Rape crisis centre your home county/town; or Rape and Sexual abuse centre your town/county. That should bring up some. Or you could ask your GP, Citizens' Advice Bureau or Samaritans....

ML is right - in her advice - we can help but as this is affecting your life and your relationship then a professionally specially trained counsellor will be the person who can really help you. Remember - rape is never ever the victim's fault.....

[Music lady]

Hi,
Some GP's keep contact details of counsellors. When I saw my GP, she was very sympathetic. She recommended counselling, but told me that she didn't think I could wait for counselling on the NHS. So she recommended going private.

I ended up googling counsellors in my area. I did a lot of research. The counsellor I've picked is registered. Sometimes though it can take a while to find a counsellor you can get along with. It's very important to be able to have a good working relationship for the counselling to work.

Good luck ML

[Music lady]

Sorry, MH reply wasn't there when I replied.

[Harlieghbella]

Thank u

Thank you all for your helpful comments I still haven't decided weather I am going to see a counsellor but your messages have all been very helpful.

[welshgirl]

Hi

Someone tried to rape me 9'years ago and I am only just facing up to it now.

I have been with my husband now for 7 years and still find it difficult to initiative sex he thinks that I don't want him but it's not that I'm scared i don't want to have flash backs, I'm ok when it is happening and enjoy it but it's just the initiation of it how can I get over this????

Hello Harlieghbella,

I am so sorry to hear about what you went through. A traumatic experience like that will affect you in so many different ways. I can imagine that bringing up the past and all the emotions that come with it, must be a pretty scary thing to do. Necessary though for healing to take place.

I am glad that you have a supportive husband, he must be a great help for you when trying to deal with this. As hard as it is, try an talk to him about how you are feeling, as keeping things all bottled up can be such a lonely and isolating thing to do.

You have taken a brave first step by reaching out and posting on here, and I hope that it helps you to move forward in your journey towards overcoming this. Please consider a counsellor who specialises in such things, as such trauma is difficult to process alone. A trained counsellor will help you to see that it is NOT your fault. It is only the last few yrs that I have started to see the bigger picture of what's gone on in my life and still trying to figure it all out now. If I would have sought help years ago I feel that things would have been different for me.

Good luck and take care!

Here anytime you want a chat x