can anyone help

[diana_holbourn]

My brother loves air shows. It sounds like the kind of place he'd enjoy going to.

I know it can be difficult to get help with caring for relatives from social services, but sometimes they will send someone to help sometimes. I know of a discussion board for carers where you might be able to get some advice on sources of help, and you might feel emotionally supported by other carers there. It's at http://carers.org/forums/

It'll be allright to join Snoopy's online support group even if you're getting help from elsewhere.

[benji]

i love air shows have you ever been to a air show the buz you get its like the need for speed we now go ever year my sisters kids love it i think i like because its loud i like the jump jets when it hangs in midair in front of you

my nephew came home from work yesterday with a letter and in it was a 2 day cruise with derek acorah to
amsterdam do you no derek of ghoust town he was on most haunted i meet him in halifax at his live show so i now have 2 things to look forward to

ann

[diana_holbourn]

I don't think I've been to an air show myself, but my brother used to go to one every year and work there making sure the cars parked in an orderly way or something. And I think that meant he could get in free, and he loved the show and was really enthusiastic to go every time. And someone paid for my dad to go on a short flight in a little aeroplane there for his birthday once at another time of year, and I think he enjoyed it. It was meant to bring back enjoyable memories, since when he was young, he started training to be a pilot, and he did daring things in little planes for fun sometimes. But he had to give up his training, I think because he didn't have the money to continue. He became a school teacher instead.

I think it's nice that you're going on another holiday. I've never heard of the person you mention. But I hope you enjoy yourself and come back feeling refreshed and feeling as if you can cope with problems with more energy.

[benji]

i am now realy looking forward to them just hoping that my dad to come out of hospital soon

i had an appointment to see my gp about things and for a talk about what i went thought so i went for 11.30 to find out thy moved to monday so i was panicing and making myself ill now i have to go thought it all agian on monday at 11.30

i am glad i found this site i have never done any thing like this before i feel better for telling about my rape but i also feel like i am putting on others with my problems i have feel like i have three good days and two bad days and two i on the fence [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/thumbs_up.gif[/img]

[benji]

if its ok can i tell every thing that has happened and you mite see how i find it hard to go forward if thats ok

[diana_holbourn]

I&#39;m glad you&#39;re pleased you found this site. Don&#39;t worry about talking about your problems on here. This site&#39;s here to try to help people. So you can tell your whole story if you like.

It&#39;s a shame your GP postponed your appointment after you got all keyed up to tell him about it.

I&#39;m glad you&#39;re looking forward to your holidays.

I&#39;m glad you have some good days. What do you think makes your good days better than the other days? Can you think of anything you do differently on those days that makes them better, that could perhaps make even a small difference if you did it on the other days as well?

[benji]

hi
i moved from halifax to coventry i went to school there .i meet a boy he was older than mewe fell in love and for 3 years every thing was going great we never even went to bed together we wrer doing it right for when we got married so when i left school at 16 and my boyfriend was 19 we said we would get married in about 3 years we were happy with that but one day i went round to his mum and dads house to see my boyfriend but he was out only his older brother was in so i went in to wait for him me and his brother was just talking about how is work was goingand then he got up and used the phone i thought he phoned my boyfriend about 1 hour went by and then someone knocked at the door he opened it and in came his friend he sat next to me every thing was ok and then some thing happened they went for me my boyfriends brother held me down and his friend rape me and then thay swapi was rape 4 time i was terrified to scream or move but i got away i went straight home went up stairs into the bathroom put every yhing in the bath and i scrubbed myself i felt very dirty i felt it was all my fault my mum was asking me what was up i kept saying i was ok i said to myself i would never tell anyone not even my mum and dad but lots of things have happened to me lost family been bullied ill health myselfcouldnt find the help i needed its all built up i was going mad iwent to my gp and she asked me was i stressed and what it wasso i said yes so i was telling her what was wrong i was being bullied by next doors kids about my size and she said what do you want me to do about itjust moveaway and i havent got the time come back in two weeks so my sister took me home very up set then i said to myself thats it just end it so i was going to kill myself i had the tablets in my hand and a bottle of vodka on the table someone in my head said do it i just wanted to end it right there and thats when i went on the web and found jo the samaritans they have been very good i told them about what had gone on when i was 17 and said i sould go back to my gp so i did and got a different gp but could not tell himthen he got me an appointment with my gp i have had for years it was hard to tell him all about it but i did but now i feel i should have never told any one it was my problem

so thats it

hope you can read it

ann

[diana_holbourn]

That&#39;s really gross&#33; I do get angry about that kind of thing.

You shouldn&#39;t have blamed yourself. Rapists like their victims to blame themselves so they can get away with their behaviour, but they would have been in control of what they were doing and would have been perfectly capable of choosing not to. Rape is generally to do with sadism rather than uncontrollable sexual desire. It&#39;s often to do with a desire to inflict pain on someone or to humiliate them and make themselves feel powerful at the expense of someone else. Attackers usually fantasize about raping someone long before they do it. The reason they did it might have nothing whatsoever to do with you. Perhaps your boyfriend&#39;s brother was such a loser that no one wanted to go out with him so he was jealous of your boyfriend for having a girlfriend and wanted to ruin things for him. Or perhaps him and his friend had been raped or assaulted themselves and felt they&#39;d lost a sense of masculine pride and had a perverted idea that raping someone would make them feel macho again. Or perhaps they&#39;d become addicted to pornography at an early age and they kept craving worse and worse things as tamer things stopped satisfying them, just as drug addicts need to increase their dose of drugs as they build up a tolerance to the dose they were taking before, till they were no longer getting a thrill just from looking at nasty pornography so they felt they needed to start doing the real thing to give themselves the same high. Some people can get addicted to pornography and crave worse and worse things till they end up like that, apparently. They could have done it for any number of sick perverted selfish reasons that had absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with you. Rapists like to get out of the responsibility for their actions by making their victims think it was their fault. In fact, they like to convince themselves that it&#39;s the victim&#39;s fault. But in reality, rapists are responsible for their sick perverted behaviour. And if your boyfriend managed to go out with you for as long as he did without trying to have sex with you, that&#39;s extra proof that it&#39;s highly unlikely that it was anything to do with your behaviour.

It was reasonable of you to have assumed you could trust your boyfriend&#39;s brother since your boyfriend was so respectful of you, so it was natural to have thought he would be as well. So you can&#39;t blame yourself for spending that much time alone with him and his friend, since you couldn&#39;t possibly have known what would happen. And it must have been even more of a shock that someone you trusted could have done that.

Did you ever see your boyfriend after that?

It does seem a bit stupid of that GP to ask you why you&#39;re stressed and then not be sympathetic when you told her&#33; She would have done better not to ask at all. And it was silly of her to suggest you just move away&#33; Moving house is a big event in a person&#39;s life, and what if you&#39;d been bullied by kids in the place you moved to after all that as well? She should have had more sense than to behave the way she did.

And it&#39;s about time trainee doctors started learning about nore of a variety of ways of helping people than they do now. Too many of them seem to think drugs are always the answer and haven&#39;t got any other ideas. But hopefully the GP you&#39;ve told now will be more helpful.

Has anyone given you any other suggestions on how to deal with the kids who are bullying you? What kinds of things do they do? Do they call you names?

[benji]

hi

no i could never bring myself to see him i no he did not do that to me but i could see his brother in him so i told his it was over it was hard he tryed to get us back to gether so in time he went in to the army thats the last in thing i new any way if i had told him he would have killed them both i never thought that would happen because we all hung around together we were good friends but they say most of the time you no your attacker so i have never had a boyfriend since ans i am now 42

as for the kids one is 17 one is 18 thay all have a gang about 12 in the gang thay stand at the window and shut thing like i shuold be died fat bast*** i am embarisment to every one i should be lock away for looking like i do because i am fat i no i am but i have health problems i am with the gp and the hospital with my problems and it can not be fix with pills but i have had M.R.S.A the super bug two years ago in both legs and some how i have M.R.S.A in my legs now its very pianfull i would never wish it on any one i find it very hard to walk

and as for getting help with the kids i just have to wright it all down and send to my council i have been doing that for years we have had the police when they trashed my dads brand new motability car we only had it for two weeks but the police said if we did not have proof that they did it the police would not do any thing

thats why i am finding it hard

[diana_holbourn]

It must be difficult for you to trust men after being attacked by people you thought were friends. If you ever do get a boyfriend again, maybe it would help you have more confidence in him if you thought about all the ways he&#39;s different to your attackers.

It must have been very upsetting to have your dad&#39;s specially adapted new car vandalised, and to keep getting bullied. Stupid kids&#33; They ought to be old enough to know better&#33; If they were intelligent enough to have anything worthwhile to do with their lives, they wouldn&#39;t be spending them doing idiotic things like vandalising things and bullying people&#33; And it&#39;s not your fault you&#39;re fat, especially if you haven&#39;t got good enough health to do much exercise. When they shout insulting things to you, perhaps if you try to think of them as just losers who don&#39;t seem to have the brains to think of better things to do with their lives, what they say won&#39;t get to you so much.

I&#39;ve read about a help group that was set up in South Yorkshire by a couple who got intimidated by neighbours for three years. It doesn&#39;t seem as if your council or police have been very helpful&#33; Perhaps you could get some new ideas on what to do from elsewhere. Apparently a group has been set up by Wakefield council along with other people including that couple to help advise on nuisance neighbours. It might not be in your area, but they might still give you some good advice, or refer you to people nearer you who can. I found a phone number for them on a website with an article about them. The group&#39;s called "It&#39;s Your Call", and the number&#39;s 0845 8 506 506. I don&#39;t know if they&#39;d be able to give you any new ideas on what to do, but there might be ways of dealing with things that your council haven&#39;t told you about.

The website where I got the number&#39;s http://www.wakefield.gov.uk/News/PressRele...&textonly=false

There are some alternative treatments for MRSA believed to be promising, some thought to work in some cases where drugs don&#39;t. There&#39;s a website about them here:
http://tahilla.typepad.com/mrsawatch/mrsa_...oils/index.html

There&#39;s even something about the healing properties of honey there.

I think it&#39;s been quite widely reported that tea tree oil can help, although people have to blend it with an oil that doesn&#39;t have much effect on the skin, since it&#39;s a bit strong on its own. There are several snippets from articles about it on that website.

There have also been studies about how Japanese green tea could help after a while. There&#39;s a website with a bit about it here:
http://www.abc.net.au/southcoast/stories/s1098646.htm

I&#39;m not sure how effective all the things mentioned are, but they might be worth looking into and trying if they sound promising.

[benji]

hi
thanks for that

can i ask where do you find all the web sites i keep looking on the web but never find any may be i am not looking in the right place

when i see the kids go out i feel better but if my mum and sister go out i have to lock all the doors and windows i have been doing this for so long now i think it will be hard to brake the habbit

hopefilly my gp will help me and give me some help

i have been talking to star and they say i have been looking after other people and there needs i have forgot about myself and my needs but i have never thought about myself before

and as for help with mum and dad when i ask for help from poeple and the family they you get the help with the money i get but thats not what i am after is for me to have a brake from it all its not about money

[diana_holbourn]

I&#39;ve searched in Google for some things in the past and got really frustrated because I&#39;ve searched for some time without finding exactly what I wanted, but sometimes you get lucky. It can help to narrow things down by putting place names in there, and also, it helps when you know a little bit about the subject in the first place, because you can put more relevant keywords in there.

You have to start looking after your own needs, because people can get emotionally exhausted if they don&#39;t, so they&#39;re less able to help others.

I know there are organisations that provide help where trained carers can come in and give you a break for a while. I&#39;m not sure if you&#39;d qualify for that kind of help from social services, because they have quite tight restrictions on who gets it, but it might be worth asking. Also, there are charities that might be able to give you information on respite care or organisations that might be able to help some days so you can have a few hours&#39; break every now and then. I&#39;ve heard of one called Sue Ryder Care. I&#39;m not sure how good they are, but you can find out about them and get in touch with them to ask for more information here: http://www.suerydercare.org/aboutus/aboutus.asp

[benji]

hi thanks

i keep looking for things about mrsa but never found the one you found i have joined that one i can start looing at t time and come of the pc at breakfast how time flys

i never thought about asking for rape sites i never thought they would be any out there but i did and found i was not alone with this i found this site and one called star my gp said i was going to get intouch with them and get someone out to see me and have a talk i am talking to them on the phone they have been realy good i think it was them that stopped me from killing myself but i must say the thought is always in my mind to do it the lady at star wants to meet me

i have joined the group in the caring web site i think you sent it on there it tells you to ask your gp they mite be able to help with care some how so i am going to ask when i have my life on track

so thank you

ann [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/thumbs_up.gif[/img] [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/biggrin.gif[/img]

[benji]

hi


can i just say thank you for your time and help thanks

but if i need to can i come back here to have a chat if thats ok

other guys need you help i have taken up to much of your time and i have moaned to much so i will go so you can help someone else ok

thank you [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/thumbs_up.gif[/img]

ann [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile.gif[/img]

[diana_holbourn]

You can come back here to talk whenever you like. Don&#39;t worry about talking too much about your problems. We&#39;ll be glad to try to help if we can.

It would be a shame to kill yourself now when you&#39;ve been strong enough to cope for years and you might finally be going to get the help you need so your life can improve.

I found the first MRSA site by putting the search words MRSA alternative treatments into Google. It was at or around the top. If you type that in, you might find a whole load more information about various treatments in Google as well. Some are probably better than others though, so if you can find sites that discuss all their pros and cons and how effective they are, they&#39;ll probably be best, just in case there are sites that just want to sell stuff so they don&#39;t tell you that kind of thing.