can anyone help

[benji]

hi just found this site today and never been in to a forum before so i need help and never told what happened to before ok i was raped by my boyfriends brother and his friend when i was 17 my boyfriends mate held me down the other one raped me they took it in turns 4 times i was raped . now i am 40 i have never told anyone about this till two weeks ago because of ill health i told my gp i thought no one would belive me so i kept it to myself not even my family i have never had i boyfriend or had sex since the attack i thought i was alone

[diana_holbourn]

If someone saw an animal committing that kind of attack, it would probably be legal to have it shot. But people don't even expect animals to behave like that. I don't blame you for not getting a boyfriend after being treated so sadistically.

You're not alone; I think it's quite common for people not to want to be intimate with men, or not to be able to trust them, after something like that happens. Do you feel it's something you want to change?

How do you think the attack's affecting your life and happiness nowadays?

[benji]

yes i feel that i was robbed of my life just 1 month ago i tryed to kill myself i had a hand full of pill and a bottle of vodka but i failed

[diana_holbourn]

It's a good thing you failed, because hopefully you've now got the chance to think about what you want from your future and work out ways of getting as much of it as possible while you can. What are five things you'd like from your future? When you've worked that out, how realistic do you think getting each one of them is at the moment, and what would have to happen to make each one a more realistic possibility? What would be the first signs that you were getting nearer to achieving those things?

[benji]

i dont think i have a future i am just here for today and if i am here tomorrow well its ok i feel like every thing is a mess and now people no about it i feel realy ashamed and it was all my folt and i dont want to go on living [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/sad.gif[/img]

[diana_holbourn]

Have you ever found anything helpful in making you feel better? Or have you ever had times in life since it happened when you didn&#39;t feel so bad?

Why don&#39;t you think you have a future? Hhaven&#39;t you got any optimism at all that things could improve? What problems do you think need sorting out before things can improve? What do you think you most need in life?

Do you think you&#39;re depressed? When people are depressed, they often can&#39;t see a way forward, but if something happens and they stop being so depressed, they can.

Aren&#39;t there at least some things you do in life that you enjoy or could do more of, or some days when you feel better than you do on other days, that could give you some idea of what would help you? The better you feel, the more confident you&#39;ll feel that you can cope with bigger problems.

Why are you ashamed of what you&#39;ve told us? It&#39;s nothing to be ashamed of. What do you think was your fault? There are probably lots of people around who feel similar to you and who could be supportive if you told them what happened.

Did your GP do anything to help you?

[benji]

yes i have had some good times when i went on holiday with my sister and her family

and one when i went on concorde that was great out of this world

and then i have my pets who i love

yes i am depressed and on tablets for it

[diana_holbourn]

Wow, you went on Concorde?

At least you know that if you have had good times in the past, things are capable of being good for you sometimes. So they could be again. Can you think of anything about your holidays that you particularly liked and that you could recreate in part to make your life more enjoyable from day to day? For instance, if you had more companionship there, is there any way you can make more friends who do things you think you&#39;d enjoy doing, so you&#39;d have more companionship now?

It&#39;s nice that you love your pets. It&#39;s good that they bring you some pleasure. They&#39;re a reason to go on living, aren&#39;t they?

What do you think is the main thing stopping you having a better life from day to day?

[benji]

yes the concorde trip always bring a smile to my face that was the best time in my life and always will

the holiday was to spain the best bit was just getting away the hotel was right on the beach i came back so child out i forgot about every thing it was great but then i found a photo of my ex boyfriend and it came flooding back

i have a cat tabatha she is 21 years old and the size of a 6 month old kitten she is my baby yes i love them to bits

[diana_holbourn]

Is there any way you could get away on another holiday to relax and refresh yourself, or to go and stay with someone you enjoy being with for a while to recharge your batteries?

Do you think it would help you relax sometimes if you sat somewhere comfortable, closed your eyes and tried to imagine the Concorde trip in as mmuch detail as possible, like what you can hear and what&#39;s around the place, imagining you&#39;re there again enjoying it, imagining you&#39;re feeling the way you felt then? Some people find it helpful to sit down and relax and imagine they&#39;re somewhere they enjoy being for a while, like on a beach in the sun or something, and they can learn to go there in their minds whenever they start to feel a bit tense. When they feel more relaxed, their strong feelings can stop bothering them for a while.

I didn&#39;t realise cats got that old. Maybe you&#39;ve been looking after it well. What other pets have you got?

[benji]

i am going camping at the elvington air show from the 18 to the 21 august i no its not long but its some thing i like doing its not far from where i live so 5 of us are going my sister and her kids and me we have been before its a great show you camp in the air field

as for my pets i have

2 dogs / 3 cats / 7 birds / 1 g pig / 1 rabbit / and about 20 giant afrcan land snails all my pets are rescued i am finding them hard work at the minute just because i am down need a pick me up to get me going

then i look after my mum and dad he has lung and kiddny problems and mum has athritis

so my life is not my own

[Snoopyseed]

hello Ann, i received a email from diane, i run a support group for survivors, your very welcome to join its here http://groups.msn.com/abcvictimsbreakfree

As for the way you are feeling , please feel assured that what you are going through is compleltly normal, its normal to feel ashamed and normal to feel so low that you are verging on suicide, however it doest mean that its right to feel this way.After a truama such as the one you have described survivors often have symptoms similar to yours, this is linked in with a condition called Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
Have you heard of it? If you havent do a google, you wiull probably see that the way you are feeling is pretty much linked in with this, however im not a GP and you would need to talk with your GP if you feel this could be likely.

There is much treatment available, ranging from medication to alternative remedies.Im also a therapist myself and help survivors physically by either sending out dustant healing which is free all you have to do is ask, or people come to me for a treatment.Perhaps reiki or acupuncture along with counselling and medication may help, the possibilities are endless&#33;

One thing you must relaise is that even though it doesnt feel like it yo are already healing, i would reccomend a book called You Can Heal Your Life, by Louise L Hay.

This book has been responsible for bringing people back from the darkest of places into the light.

I myself am also a survivor, i too tried to kill myself, one by throwing myself in front of a tube, something that day pulled me back, to this day im glad that whatever pulled me back did, as i now lead a happy life, yes the memories are still there but they dont hurt, they dont hold me back, i never thought it would be possible, and now i lead an active life and help people that feel low after trauma.

It took me many years, but i am where i am today because i had people around me that cared, so a support group would really help, and i opened my mouth and got help.


The doors are open for you, all you have to do now is walk through and seek the help you deserve, good luck, and many blessings for having the courage to speak out.

Snoopy [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile.gif[/img]

[diana_holbourn]

Ann, I hope you enjoy your weekend away. You camp in the air field? Does that mean you have to take your tents down and take them away before the planes come? What happens if people sleep late? Do people come around and order people out of bed? :-)

Have you ever been to the air museum near there?

Can you think of anything you might enjoy doing before the holiday, maybe something connected with it?

Wow, you&#39;ve got loads of pets&#33;

Are you getting any help to look after your parents, like from social services? Or have you tried to get some? It must be worrying looking after them when they&#39;re not well. I know there are online support groups where carers can find companionship and advice. Would you be interested in joining one, or do you think reading about other people&#39;s problems might make you more depressed?

[benji]

Hi snoopy

i will have a look at the book and look at the web site i was looking on the web and found ( star )surviving trauma after rape thay are very good i have been emailing i have sent them about 2/3 emails and yesterday thay got me to pick up the phoned for the first time i spoke to someone about it not in a letter or by email but by phone so thay are talking me thought it and trying to help

like you i steped in front of a bus about 3 years ago how it missed me i will never no but now i am feeling the same way and i dont no why mylife is going down hill agian

i wrote it all down what happened to me at 17 and sent it to my GP he sent me an email i have to go and see him at 11.30 his dinner time to talk about it the doctors will be shut and lock so i will be ok i think

so thank you can i still look at your web site

Ann

[benji]

Hi diana

Have you ever been to elvington your self if not you have the runway and next to it is the field thats the camp site it better going for the full weekend you pay ?65 thats for one car and 4 people with two day of of fun i hope that would be a good wake up call

no i dont get any help just from my two sisters one gives my dad his bath and the other one takes mum and dad to there appointments thats all i get in help i some times have to site up with him all night and feed him its like looking after a baby just bigger it gets hard work at times but i have to keep doing it coz thay are my mum and dad

Ann