rape

[scared]

no my thoughts did not get more bizarre after smoking cannabis with the other man.Are you saying that my thoughts after the rape were bizarre? the only effect the cannabis had on me was to make me more giggly and laugh more,i was still aware of what i was doing.And i stopped smoking cannabis bfeore i met my rapist,so i wasnt high on that night.im not sure if thats what you are thinking or not?

[scared]

im sorry,ive just read my last post and i was really angry with you.I think i know what you mean though now.do u mean that did my irrational thoughts get more bizarre after i smoked cannabis? not sure what you mean by 'mor bizarre',more bizarre than they were before you mean,so do you think that my thoughts were bizarre before i smoked cannabis,then got more so afterwards? or are you referring to my guilty thought after i was raped as being bizarre?

[diana_holbourn]

I don't mean your guilty thought, since that might not have been that bizarre at all in the context, but your problem you've said you've had for much of your life with intrusive irrational thoughts. I was just wondering because cannabis can cause mental health problems over time. I thought the question might be confusing, so I tried to word it so you'd know I meant your use over the long term, not your use on one particular night.

[diana_holbourn]

When you've finished your counselling, there's somewhere else you could try, although I'm not sure whether any of them will fit into your price range. But it might be worth asking if any of them do any special rates for people on benefits or students. Here's a link to a register of counsellors who take people through techniques for getting over trauma and things like that, that might be worth investigating:
http://www.humangivens.com/register/

The site might have some useful information on it about various problems as well.

I'm going on holiday for a few days next Monday so I won't be around when you finish your counselling. Hopefully you know other people you can talk to. It would be nice if you can get away on holiday for a little while yourself somewhere soon where you can relax with others. Any chance of that happening?

My comment about cannabis was just a theory, by the way, nothing that it's worth worrying about. It's just that cannabis is known to cause psychosis in some people when it's been taken for a while, but since psychosis is thought by some to be the extreme end of a whole spectrum of things, I wonder if it has more minor side effects in some people. If it did, it wouldn't necessarily mean people who'd taken it were at any more risk of developing anything more major, certainly if they didn't use it any more.

[scared]

i think i gave you the wrong idea,i have had irrational thoughts occassionally,but i wouldnt say it has been that much of a problem over time.I have only used cannabis for a couple of months,while i spent time with that man,and did not use it before that time,and only a few occassional times after i was spending time with him.And didnt find that i had any partucular irrational thoughts while or after i used it,except the occassoinal ones i mentioned.So i dont think the cannabis use had any effect on me,apart from while i used it,and i felt very happy! i definately haven't had any psychosis since taking cannabis.my counsellor told me today of a centre that helps rape victims,which does free counselling i think,and has a helpline.It is not in the town where i live,but is not too far away,im not sure if they do telephone counselling.but i said to her today that im not sure if i want to carry on counselling and have to built up trust with someone new,and tell them what i have already told my current counsellor.I told her that i felt that i had become dependent on her support,and she was really great about it,so im glad i told her.She seemed concerned about me after the counselling ends,and suggested that i talk to the rape place before i finish with her,so that i have something to go onto.But i said that i have my writing,which i try to do everyday,and that my yoga is helping me,so i have some things in place for when i finish with her.But i am worried about how i'll be when it ends.On the one hand,i would like a break from how intense each week is,and that i think its making me have more panic attacks.But on the other hand,i will miss her and her support,as we've built up a relationship and trust,and it will be hard thinking that i wont ever see her again.god,i feel really **** now..

[diana_holbourn]

I think cannabis can contribute to anxiety as well as causing worse things. So that's why it could cause anxious-style thinking where people can read more into things than they need to and things, like the style of thinking described in my social phobia stuff, for instance. But in cases where it does, I don't think that means people need anything out of the ordinary to get over it. And it might not have done with you. After all, you had enough other things going on to make you anxious on their own.

The site I gave you the link to with the list of therapists on it might be worth looking into, since those counsellors do things differently from many counsellors where you talk a lot about your feelings and the past. You wouldn't have to talk about them much at all if you didn't want to, because those therapists focus on how you can make your future better instead, and the way they help you deal with trauma is by doing that rewind technique with you, getting you to relax deeply and then prompting you to imagine you're rewinding and fast forwarding traumatic incidents on a video until you can do it without feeling any emotion while you do, without telling them that much about them at all. You just do most of it in your own mind without telling them what you're thinking. And they aim to finish therapy in as few sessions as possible, and that would cut down the risk of you becoming dependent on them. I can't guarantee they'd be good for you, but I think they're worth looking into.

But it's good that you're doing other things that are helping you.

[scared]

i am thinking about whether to enrol on a short course at the college in september,in something that i find interesting,so that i can carry on seeing my counsellor.I have looked into courses today,but the brochure for september is not out yet.but maybe it would be good to do a course in something completely different from counselling.That way,i could think over the summer what i want to do about starting counselling again,and have a break from the intensity of it.but because iknow ive become dependent on her,im not sure what to do.i just feel that a couple more months counselling would help me to move on with things,then i will fell better about ending it after that.she was concerned yesterday that i have some support in place for after we finish,as she was aware that it was a forced ending,due to the college term ending and my course finishing.i will have to think about it.

[diana_holbourn]

I'm back from holiday now. I enjoyed myself, especially paddling in the sea a couple of days ago.

Maybe having the break from counselling will be a good thing, since it might allow you time to assess more thoroughly how good it really was. Hopefully enrolling on a new course in something you're interested in will be worthwhile in itself. If it's really good, it could perhaps even make you think about changing careers. But even if it doesn't, it should still hopefully be enjoyable. But I suppose it does mean it might be more difficult to work out how to fit a paid job into your schedule. But then, I think there are plenty of part-time ones around.

Do you think it might be difficult to finish counselling again if you start it again, since you might see her as a source of support you find it hard to do without?

I'm not saying your counselling might have been bad for you, but I heard an interesting story about different types of counselling. I went to some lectures by some of the people who do the type of counselling described on the site I gave you the link to. One of them told a story about a teenaged girl who was brought to them because she'd become very upset after she'd been sexually abused. She'd been to a counsellor for months, but ended up feeling even worse. Then she went to another one and felt even worse. But she didn't like the idea of stopping seeing them, because she appreciated their sympathy and saw them as valuable sources of support, even though she'd got worse. She'd got so bad that she couldn't even go in her own bedroom, because that was where some of the abuse had taken place. But the person lecturing said they managed to change that in one session, by getting her to relax, and then getting her to imagine in great detail going into her bedroom feeling relaxed and confident. They got her to imagine feeling allright, imagining she was going in there to bed and didn't have any difficulties, as if she was rehearsing being able to go there without a problem. And the idea of going there without a problem became so real to her that she managed to do that after that, starting that very evening.

So you never know what a different approach might do for you. But then, some people might benefit a lot from the kind of counselling you've been having. Do you think you've really benefited? How do you think you're better off than you were before you started going, and how much of that do you reckon you can put down to the counselling?

[scared]

i had a really bad week last week,as i phoned my course tutor last monday,and spoke to another counselling tutor.And i asked her if it was possible for me to carry on seeing my counsellor in september,although my course had finished,as i still had my practical part to complete (the 100 hours).She said that she could ask my tutor to enrol me as a continuing student,so i could go back and see her.So she said for me to go back and tell my counsellor that next day,so i did.Now in the session before,she had said that we would have an enforced ending the next week (last tues),and i thought we had bothe agreed that it was not ideal.So when i went in to the session last week and told her what my tutor had said,i was really shocked when she said that her gut feeling was for us not to continue counselling,as she was worried that she would be colluding with me.She said that noone has ever come back to counselling after their course had finished and she would have to speak to her supervisor and manager about what to do.But i could tell that she had made up her mind already.She said that we had been working towards ending that week,which was true.But she really gave me the impression the week before that if we could continue,she would be happy with it.I was really upset and angry,and could barely speak to her.She seemed very pulled back last week,very formal,when previously she had seemed more on my side,and more 'friendly'.S
he brought up the issue of my phone calls to her between sessions,saying that she realised that i had trouble with boundaries and endings.It seemed like she was blaming me for them again.I was annoyed,as she wasnt professional about the phone calls issue,as after i had phoned her the second time (there were 3 times in 6 months),and apologised for it the next week,she had said i didnt need to apologise,that it was ok.Then after the third call,she said the next week that it was not allowed,but admitted she should have made it clearer when we started the counselling.She said that the college didnt offer long term counselling,and as i had had 6 months,that it may not be possible.But she also asked how i would manage for the 10 weeks holiday for support,and i said i had friends etc to talk to.Meaning that i might be able to come back in september.So i felt very confused.Then i managed to say about some of my feelings then the session ended,and i left feeling bewildered.Then she said she'd phone before the end of the week to let me know what was decided.She phoned me the next day and said no,i couldnt continue in september.She said that maybe if the sessions were due to end when i was how i was three months ago,she would not have agreed for me to end.And that she felt i now had the resources to deal with the issue,and that that it was the 'best thing for me',as i would look back and realise that it had helped me.She also said that what i had said in the session about feeling rejected was 'my stuff',and that she wouldnt take it on board.I thought she sounded really cold with me.I asked her if me saying that i was becoming dependent on her a few sessions back had anything to do with her decision,and she said no.But i am sure it did.She had also said in our last session that because was a counselling student,she wanted to make sure that boundary issues were adhered to.I told her on the phone,that i felt like i was not in the place emotionally that she thought i was,and that i didne feel ready to leave counselling.I didnt tell her this,but i felt quite angry that she was presuming what she thought was right for me,must be right,regardless of what i wanted or thought.It proved to me that she didnt really understand where i was at in my issue.I understand why she made her decision,so as not to collude with my fear of endings,and i understand the colleges rules could not be broken.But her arrogance over what was best for me really angers me.I told her that i felt like i was being left in the middle of this issue,and didnt know what to do.Mind you after the last session with her,my trust in her was broken,so i would not have gone back in september.Thinking about it,i know i benefited by her support during counselling,although it was me who have most helped myself.I know i used to feel worse after each week,as it encouraged me to ruminate over the issue.I feel really upset that all the counselling i had led to that ending,which was awful.I cried so much when i left her office.I feel like she has damaged some of the good work i did by how she was towards me in the last session and on the phone.Over the last few nights,i have started having really bad dreams about being raped,or being chased and not being able to get away.which have really disturbed me.I have thought about writing to her at the college,and saying how i feel about the colleges policy of dropping clients before they are ready.I really think that if a client starts counselling with a large issue,like rape or bereavement,they should be told that long term counselling might be better for them,as it is not fair to take someone on,for them to build up trust with someone,to then be told that there isnt enought time for them to work through their issue.After the last session i felt like i was completely powerless,like any self empowering i had done was all wiped out,as she took back the power to put me in my place.I am glad im not going back now,as i dont think she was a brilliant counsellor,and wasnt always professional.I have been very depressed this week,and crying a lot about my rape,and the counselling ending.I really feel that she misled me in the session before last,when she said an enforced ending was not ideal.I understand i may have misread what she was saying,but im still angry with her.Until last weeks session,i was starting to learn to trust people again,and now i feel that i cant trust anyone,except my family and some close friends.I feel so frustrated as the counselling has ended and i cant do anything about it,or say how i feel about it,apart from what i told her on the phone,which wasnt much as i was too shocked.I am not looking to do a short course at college for a new career.Im not sure why you said about that,i have only just trained for this one! I havent got any clients to see yet,still waiting,but my crb check had been done now,so might be soon.I still havent heard from my daughters aunt,after i sent her book back with a letter two and a half weeks ago.I dont know whather to call her or to leave it.I might leave it another week,but its so frustrating not knowing if she's avoiding me,as she seemed to imply i was hassling her last time i phoned her.So i dont reallywant to phone her again.help me please,i feel so **** i cant take any more.I am so fed up as i have so much time on my hands,and too much time to think about what a ****ty world i live in,with no money too.The only good thing was that i performed with my belly dancing troupe today.I was so nervous becaus of my panic attacks and worrying about people looking at me,but i did it!My teacher said that i was great,which made me feel good.For about a minute,until someone in our group said afterwards that i should be careful with my timing.I was really angry about that,as i feel like i did well even to take part after how ive been feeling.But they knew nothing about that,so i suppose they dont understand.

[diana_holbourn]

No wonder you feel let down. That reminds me of something someone once told me about a psychologist they were seeing at about ?100 or more per appointment, and they asked her a question on the phone, and she said she wouldn't answer it over the phone and they'd have to make another appointment with her for her to answer it! I don't know if that was something to do with insurance, or what. But on the face of it, it does seem a bit extreme!

I wonder if some counsellors put on an act sometimes. Don't blame yourself for the things she's saying are your problems. It seems silly to me that she should give you the type of counselling that's likely to make you feel worse afterwards because you'll go away thinking about bad things, and then she has a go at you for phoning her up for more support, when perhaps if she did better counselling, you wouldn't feel so down after each session so you wouldn't feel the need for more support! On the site I've been telling you about, there's a checklist of things that good counsellors will or might do and won't do: http://www.humangivens.com/hgi/register/checklist.htm
You could see how many of the things on the list your counsellor measured up to.

Do you think what's brought on your nightmares is feeling disempowered by what's happened with the counselling, so they're symbolic of that, or feeling disempowered brought bac the same feelings?

The reason I suggested you might be interested in looking at a career change one day is that I was wondering if you might one day think counselling is stressing you out too much, since you won't necessarily be able to predict when someone might start telling a story that brings back bad memories for you and upsets you a lot.

It's good that your teacher praised your dancing and you managed to get out and do it despite feeling bad.

[scared]

hi,i looked at the website,and she doesnt measure up very well at all.She didnt help me to think about my problems in empowering ways,or understand how to lift my depression,and didnt help me to deal with my feelings of fear or trauma immediately.One of the things she said to me that sticks in my mind was that after i had told her about the man in the supermarket grabbing my shoulders and looking at me,asking me if i wanted a 'male',was that 'it is important to be aware that he may have meant in like that or he may not have'.Which at the time made me more worried as before id told her about it,i had been trying to comfort myself by telling myself that he probably didnt mean it like that.So what she said made me feel worse about it.Another thing she said,after i had told her about how my teacher at school was horrible to me,and other pupils picked on me,was 'were you bullied at school?'.They way she said it,was like she wanted me to say yes,so i did.It was true i was picked on a lot,but i had never thought of it in terms of bullying before,and she put that idea into my head.She also said when i asked her about strategies i could use to challeng my negative and irrational thinking,that she would help me by giving my some challenges.She never did,except once when she asked me if i had challenged the thoughts i was telling her i had between sessions.She was good at reflecting back what i said to her,but not at facilitating me in moving on with my issue.In fact the reflecting she did do on what i told her had happened to me,my rape,she did because i asked her to give me her response to what i said.As before that i felt like she was listening,but wanted to know that she understood what i had told her,so she agreed to say more in response.I remember that i first told her that i felt i was dependent on her quite a few weeks ago,and she did not discuss it with me,or explore it in any way.I think she reflected it back to me and that was it.Surely that issue should have been explored with me? I have lost some faith in the value of person centred counselling,if all a counsellor does is listen and reflect back what the person has said,and feels.She told me at the start that she uses can use person centred and bits from other approaches in her work.The only thing she gave me was a printed paper from the internet about improving self esteem,and did not discuss it with me.It was from a university in america.I found this the most useful information that she gave me,and that was something i could have found myself if id have looked for it!
I am not sure why i am having the nightmares now,it could be because i feel so disempowered by her.I told her a couple of sessions back,that i had recovered another memory of what happened after the rape,and told her about it.All she did was reflect back what i had said.I really needed to know startegies for dealing with it,but she didnt tell my any.I also started then to see his face when i closed my eyes,which was really disturbing to me.I dont feel like she was helping me to deal with any of the memories at all.Then i was left to struggle on between sessions on my own,apart from your invaluable support,and a couple of close friends,without whom i wouldnt be here now.She told me that some people beat pillows to help them when they're angry,as i told her that anger was one of the worst feelings.I also told her about being obsessive compulsive,and she didnt offer to help me to challenge those compulsions,which i have now managed to control on my own.I am scared that because i have been feeling worse since the counselling ended,that my panic attacks will come back.At the moment,my determination is still there,although its had a severe knock,to try and move on with my life.But i dont know how.I realised the other day,that maybe i need to accept that the person i have become since the memories came up,and since i was raped is very different to how i was before it happened,and the memories became conscious.My changed attitudes towards what i will not accept treatment wise,from other people,will remain.I dont feel like i will trust people so easily as i used to before it happened.My daughters aunt was right when she said that he had taken my innocence away that night.As i no longer have faith in people,until they have proved it to me.I think that my fear of someone taking advantage of me in other ways,like lying or letting me down on purpose are going to make it hard for me to become involved with someone new.Although theres not much chance of me meeting a woman,as i dont get to go out much anyway! I just cant face being hurt again by someone,as ive had as much as i can take in my past relationships.I feel like ive become a lot harder than i was,which i think is good in some ways,as i wont let myself be taken adavantage of again,and have higher standards or how i want to be treated by people.As before i would put up with a lot of **** from people.I feel like i deserve to be respected and treated well by people,as i would treat them.I think thats the only way i can resolve the split i feel between my old self,and the person ive become.Im still the same as i was in some ways,like my dark sense of humour,but very different in others.I was on the no panic chatroom at the weekend,and was chatting to another lady who had been raped,and she offered for me the chat with her on msn,which i will do.I am a bit worried,as how do i know shes not a man? I had a nasty experience in the chatrrom the other night,when i started to share what had happened to me with someone else who said they had been raped,then they said thay were a man.I felt angry,as though they had been deceiving me.The whole room went a bit quiet as i think others were a bit surprised.But i didnt want to share any more with him,as he was a man,and i didnt feel comfortable.

my friend suggested that i write a letter to my counsellor,not to have a go at her,but to tell her how i felt about the colleges decision to not let me continue counselling.I had already written one when she suggested that,but had not sent it as i wasnt sure what to do.I wanted to write one,as i feel that i was left feeling so frustrated that i was told the counselling could not continue,and that i feel i have not said a lot about how i feel about it.Would it be wrong of me to send it?

[diana_holbourn]

It doesn't sound as if that counselling was very good! Do you think it was really worth it, or do you think that some of the time, it just made you torture yourself about what happened a lot more than you would have done if you hadn't discussed the issue in counselling?

I think on MSN, you can chat with people by sending voice clips as well as typing. So maybe a way you could find out if the person's really a woman is by suggesting you do some chats like that.

One thing it might be worth bearing in mind when you decide whether to send the letter is whether it's worth the risk of being treated by the counsellor the way she spoke to you last week again. She might not accept what you say. I think you ought to consider what you're hoping to get out of sending it and how likely you are to get what you're hoping for. And bearing in mind that the counselling wasn't that good, do you really think having more of it would have benefited you?

[scared]

I spoke to my course tutor today,and told her what had happened at the end of my counselling,and how the counsellor decided not to keep seeing me.She asked me if i was happy with that,and i said no,and i told her what the counsellor said about me not being good with endings etc.Basically everything ive told you.And she asked me whether i wanted her to fight the counselling service on my behalf,as as far as she was concerned,i am classed as a continuing student.She acknowledged that it might be difficult then going back to see my counsellor or one of her colleagues.She asked whether i could phone cruse,if loss was part of my issue.I really wanted to say what the issue is,but for some reason couldnt get the words out.I could have kicked myself after the call.She said there were specialist agencies which may be able to help,depending on the issue.She was really supportive,but i felt awkward telling her what the issue was about.But i wished i had,so she could understand which agencies to suggest.I also didnt tell her that i had been thinking of writing a letter to the counselling service,or what my counsellor had been like.I did tell her that my counsellor felt that i was in a place emotionally where i could now cope better,but that i didnt think i was in that place.I rang her back a while later,and told her i would like to take some action against the counselling service,not so i could go back to them,but as their policy of not letting students come back for counselling after their course.She said she would speak to her line manager,and maybe the counselling people,to restate my position at the college,and let me know how it went.I told her i feel angry at what has happened.She suggested a counselling service in nuneaton,which is quite far from me,and may not see people from my area,i dont know.But that if i needed more support,to contact her again.I was really surprised and pleased that the college offered to take action on my behalf,as i feel that something needs to be done,as it is not acceptable to do what they did to me,and maybe to others.I will let you know when i hear again from her.I felt quite upset after speaking to her on the phone that first time,as i was angry with myself for not telling her what my issue was,as im sure it wouldnt have gone against me.She was just concerned that i get the right support i need.I was feeling upset this morning as it it the first week i have had no counselling.It annoys me that i felt upset when on reflection i dont feel the counsellor did me a lot of good in some ways.It feels like im still in the same old pattern of putting up with bad counselling for the sake of that person giving my kindness also.Like i put up with being abused in the realtionships ive had,because they were sometimes nice to me,and met some of my needs.How do i break this pattern,it really worries me.Mind you,even though i was upset at not having the counsellors support anymore,i would not want to continue having counselling with her,like i would have wanted to continue past relationships which were similar.So perhaps i have made some progress towards getting rid of that pattern..

[scared]

i was so upset last night,when i was coming home from my belly dancing class.We had been dancing a dance we have learnt,and last night,the teacher said she was going to move us around,as we do it in a square formation.Normally,im in the middle of the square,with everyone dancing round me.But last night,she put me on one of the sides,and put others in different places.She said that shed done it so each of us could learn how to dance it if we were a small group performing,or a large group.So we would be flexible about our positions.Anyway,we did the dance,and i got really confused as to which way i was supposed to be going,and when we'd finished dancing,two women in my group were laughing at me,asking me how i ended up nearly dancing in the other groups space.I felt so upset and nearly walked out.I dont think they meant it nastily,but one of the women was the one who criticised my performance after we did it on sunday.Then we had to do the dance in pairs,and mirror each other.I also went wrong doing this,and felt like everyone had noticed and was laughing.I dont think they really were,but it felt like it.So i rang my teacher this morning and left a message for her to ring me.She rang me at lunch time and i told her how i felt like id messed eveything up,and was upset about it.She was nice,but i was shocked when she asked her if id rung her just to tell her 'that',she said 'are you mad'?I dont think she was being nasty but i didnt know what to say,so started to ask her about one of the steps,when she said that loads of people had got things wrong.She said shed done it as an exercise to see how we coped doing it differently,and not to be so hard on myself.I felt really embarrassed for ringing her,but she seemed ok with it.Then i went to town woth my friend,and bumped into her there! But she was really friendly towards me.I feel stupid for ringing her about it,as i know i was being oversensitive about it.But ive always had a problem when i think people are laughing at me,or if i make lots of mistakes,as i thought i must be stupid and was angry at myself for making them.Because when i was at school,i remember people laughing at me for being hopeless at sports,i was always the last to be picked for teams etc.I used to think i was clumsy and hopeless.I still think im very awkard doing things,physically awkward,and not graceful.I know i can be clumsy too.I envy my dance teacher as she seems to have such an air of confidence,and moves slowly and confidently and smoothly.What was good last night,was that we also were learning another dance,that only some of us already knew.So those that ddint know it,like me were told to watch the others doing it,with my teacher in the front.They were dancing towards us,and my teacher was camping it up as always,raising her eyebrows at us etc.And i felt she was so sexy,i really did enjoy watching her.Whe i used to have feelings for her,i used to feel so turned on watching her dance,but since my feelings changed,i didnt really feel like that anymore.But she still has that appeal for me,just something in the way she moves.Does that sound vulgar? I dont want to be with her anymore,but is there anything wrong with feeling that way,if i dont act on it,which i wouldnt out of respect for her.Next time o think someones laughing at me,i will ignore them or laugh too,and try not to take it personally.Its just with the panic attacks ive been having,and hating people looking at me,i find it difficult when i think people are making fun of me,i just want to run away.I was really depressed last night,as the one good thing in my life,apart from my daughter seemed to be going wrong.i was in despair...

[diana_holbourn]

It's no wonder you got confused about how you should be dancing if it was only the first time you'd done it like that. Hopefully they weren't being nasty by laughing, but if they were, it will have said more about their own characters than it will have said about you. It will just have meant they can be a bit *****y. And maybe everyone made mistakes, but you didn't realise, because you were so busy concentrating on what you were meant to be doing.

Are the people friendly to you in general though?

Maybe one reason you're over-sensitive about being laughed at is because you're stressed already, so it's one more stress on top of a lot of other stress, so it seems worse.

There's nothing wrong with being bad at sports. People are good and bad at different things. You might have been better at other things than the people at school were who were better at sports than you. And again, if they laughed at you, it will have said more about their personalities than it will have said about you.

I wouldn't say that what you say about being turned on by your teacher was vulgar. The only thing is that if you still had the feelings for her and fantasized about her, you might just be making yourself miserable in the long run, because it might bring on wishful thinking and she's unattainable for you.

As for the counsellor and your worries about still falling into the trap of taking abuse from people because they're nice to you sometimes, it's good if you're seeing signs of progress. Can you think of what needs in your life those people fulfil by being nice to you? If you can, then maybe you could think about how else it might be possible to get them fulfilled. If they're being fulfilled another way, you're less likely to need them to be fulfilled in unhealthy ways.

It's nice to know the college are supporting you in complaining about the counselling service.