rape

[scared]

i also said in my email tonight,that i was asking if it had happened to a friend,beacuse i have told a close freind what happened to me,and she wasnt sure how to support me,so i sondered how she had supproted her friend,if it had happened to her.do u think that sounds ok?

[diana_holbourn]

It's a pity the aunt didn't explain how she dealt with her feelings in the end, although things must have got serious if they threatened to section her, because I don't think they do that to people unless they consider that they're either a danger to themselves or a danger to other people. So she's got no right to imply that you're weak for not coping with your feelings better after that! It doesn't sound as if her way was the best way to handle things! And if she had panic attacks and learned to get over them, it's a shame she didn't tell you what worked for her so you could try it, unless she got over them by going on medication. She could have been more helpful if something else worked for her, I would have thought. Yes, it might be better to steer clear of her for a while if she makes you feel inadequate. It's not as if it's been all that long since your feelings came to the surface, so you can't be expected to get over them just like that. To imply you have a choice about whether your feelings upset you or not without giving you advice on dealing with them is simplistic. People can't just turn them on and off. It's more complicated than that. If people try to just suppress them and pretend they don't exist, then chances are they will come out strongly suddenly at inappropriate times.

One thing I've heard is that it can sometimes help people if they keep a diary where they write down what happened just before they have a panic attack, so they can become more aware of what triggers them off. Then in the future when something like that happens, they can either use relaxation techniques to calm themselves down before the panic comes on, or they can reassure themselves about how they don't need to start panicking, or they can concentrate their attention on things around them to stop their thoughts quickly getting more and more anxious till a panic attack comes on.

It's good that you and your counsellor are going to work on something positive in your last counselling sessions. I hope something valuable comes out of them.

It's a shame you got bullied at school and laughed at by your mum. Maybe a lot of the things you said were good, but they just didn't have enough imagination to realise. Kids can bully people for silly reasons anyway. I think even some famous inventors were laughed at by people who said their ideas could never work or no one would be interested in them. It's no wonder you didn't want to talk much in the PD classes at college after that. Maybe if you think back to some of the things you said while you were at school, you might realise they weren't as silly as people said they were, and the problem was that people were too quick to put them down without really thinking.

I hope you don't end up with no crockery. Some people find energetic exercise is good at working anger off, or chopping vegetables or things, as long as you don't get carried away and lose concentration and cut your finger, of course. Something else that might help you feel more empowered and work some aggression off is if you buy records with empowering lyrics and dance and sing to them, like that "I'm a Survivor" song by Destiny's Child - I can't remember what it's called, but maybe you know the one I mean.

You may always remember what happened, but the memories won't necessarily always be so painful. Maybe you'll be able to look back one day and think about whether anything at all positive came out of it, like whether you feel it made you wiser in some respects or better at dealing with certain problems that other people come to you with, or whatever. If you can ever think of something positive, then it might be a consolation and it might help you come to terms with what happened more.

Hopefully your dancing teacher won't have minded you emailing her and asking those questions. Do you think when she said she knew she had an aggressive aura sometimes, she was worried she'd upset you by being aggressive sometimes, and that might have been why she looked upset? It sounds like it was a good idea to ask her how she supported any friends she had that had bad experiences, because it's possible that she has some ideas that might help you. If she didn't know how to support any friend who had a bad experience, she'll hopefully sympathise anyway. I think you'll just have to wait and see, but hopefully things will go allright. She might feel a bit awkward about your question about whether something bad happened to her if she doesn't want to talk about it, but she hopefully won't feel annoyed at you for asking.

[scared]

Hi,i got a lovely email back from my dance teacher today,saying that she works with 8 women who have all been abused,either by being exposed to by men,through to being raped.She says it doesnt give her a lot of faith in the opposite sex.She said that during her working life,she ahs come across so many women who have been raped or abused,which she thinks is appalling.She recommended a book.She said that maybe the friend i mentioned was afraid to be around me because it would cause her to question her own views on rape etc.She said the main thing is to forgive myself,as the man was responsible for his actions,not me.She said that she gets really mad at womens oppression in any form.In the past,when we have had arguements,i have been upset at her frank honesty,thinking she was trying to upset me,until i realised that she is just very honest and open,and i took it the wrong way by being oversensitive.She has come across to me as agressive before,when her agression was not towards me.Now i know why she is like that,things make more sense.When i said to her once that her off the cuff remark upset me,she was surprised,as she said that she speks to others shes known for years like that.I realise now that she didnt mean anything by it.I dont know why she looked upset,it might have been for the reason you said,but i think its most likely because she was reflecting my sadness,and trying to be empathic.I was really touched by her concern last night,that i nearly cried.I am finding hard to deal with people being empathic at the moment,although the empathy is helping me tremendously,it kind of brings my emotions to the surface.I really aprreciate my teachers emails.I went to yoga this morning and told my teacher about my panic attacks,and she recommended a certain focus on breathing,using visualisation.I think she must have been aware that i neede gentle kindness,as when we were doing a particular posture,with one arm to the ceiling,and the other to the side,she came over and took my hands,and moved my top arm down,and my bottom one up.I found her touch really comforting.She also mad me laugh as well,it was what i needed.I will try writing my thoughts down as you suggested,it might help.I also got some good news,i have two interviews for college placements on friday.I have to travel on the bus,but my mums coming with me,then going off shopping,which will help my nerves i think.I hope i get in with one or both.I am a bit worried as one is the terrence higgins trust,so will likely be counselling men,but they will be gay or bisexual,so maybe they will feel less threatening.I just hope non of then get agressive,as i couldnt cope with that.But i suppose i wont know what they're like til i try it.I cant hide away for ever can i?

[scared]

hi,im really not sure what to do about the terrence higgins trust placement.I know i will have to go on friday and find out more about the client group,and how they work etc.But i am not sure if i will feel comfortable counselling men,and if i did counsel them and they became agressive,i would have to leave the room,as i dont think i could cope with it.But i dont feel very comfortable telling the interviewer that i have issues with male agression,as she may wonder why ive gone for an interview at a place that counsels gay and bisexual men.The thing that worries me is not knowing how i will react being alone to counsel a man.Mind you,i am sure there will be men and women clients at the other placement at the refugee centre,but i think i would be more comfortable knowing that there would be both sexes,rather than just men.But what attracted me to the terrence higgins trust was the chance to work with gay people,as i would like to counsel gay people when im qualified,or though i would prefer to work with gay women.Although there are no counselling places for gay women in my area.What should i do?

[diana_holbourn]

I would imagine the men are more likely to be upset or anxious or scared than aggressive, and if they are ever angry, it's unlikely to be with you, and just listening to them getting things off their chest will often probably calm them down, and they might be grateful to you for listening afterwards.

How well do you think you could cope with them talking angrily about experiences they've had if it had nothing to do with you? It may be that once you'd coped with one, you'd be more confident you could cope with others.

One thing to bear in mind is that the more you worry you'll get really anxious, the more likely you are to get anxious, because it'll be as if you'll be making your brain more and more sure there's something to be anxious about.

Do you think it would help to practice sitting in the room with a man talking angrily, for instance having a man you trust, like perhaps your dad, pretending to be a man you're counselling telling you angrily about how he was treated badly by a doctor who talked to him insensitively or was bullied by a group of people in a pub or something? Or maybe you could imagine such conversations in your head to get yourself used to the idea and imagine how you'd cope. If you imagined yourself coping confidently enough times, you might find yourself coping more confidently in real life.

It's nice that your dancing teacher and the other one are being friendly and kind to you.

[scared]

Hi,i have been doing some more thinking,and i dont want to counsel at a place where it is just men.I realise that at the other place there will be men and women,but it is better than just men.I dont think i would cope very well with men being angry,even if about other things than towards me,and to be honest,i haveno empathy for men at the moment as i am still very angry.If a male client at the all male placement said he was upset,i dont think i would care much.Obviously at the other place,i would have to show empathy,but would find it difficult,but would have to be professional.So i will go for both interviews and find out more,then i can always drop that one,before agreeing to start working there.

i also think that hiv and aids is a very heavy issue for me to be dealing with constantly at that placment at the moment.

[diana_holbourn]

All the issues you're likely to face when you counsel people will be heavy ones. In fact, if clients at the refugee centre start talking about bad things that happened in their country of origin like being raped, do you think it might trigger off worse feelings in you and make the placement difficult to cope with? Also, it might be a good idea to ask them at the interview how likely it is that you'll face angry male clients there, although I don't know about that because they'll probably want to know why you're asking. But it may be that clients are more likely to talk angrily there, because they might be angry about mistreatment they suffered in their home country and having to move away from it, perhaps leaving close friends or family behind, and they might be angry about things that have happened since. So if that kind of thing could really distress you, it might be worth asking what state of mind clients tend to be in when they come for counselling.

[scared]

hi diana,i am so pissed off i could spit.My dance teacher told the class last tuesday night,that our group had gigs on the 22nd june,and the 7th and 8th of july.So i thought,great,the 22nds next week,id like to do that one.So on that night i asked my teacher (diane) to email me with all the times and details etc.She didnt say yes or no at this point.Then at the end of the class,when peopl were going home i saw three of our class practising a dance with her,that id never seen before.Anyway,the next day i phoned her asking her to tell me what time the gig was on the 22nd.She didnt reply to my message,or my email i sent.So yesterday,i rang a couple of fellow dancers i knew lived near me,to ask them if they were going to the gig,and if they could give me a lift,as the gig was quite far away,and i didnt know where to go.They said they werent going,which was fair enough.Then i rang another woman from near me,and she said that her,two others from our dance troupe were peforming,with our teacher on that night,and that she wasnt sure how she was getting there yet,but she would let me know.I was shocked to find out that just the four of them were perfoming,as when diane told us the date for the gig last tuesday night,she didnt say that only four of them were going to perform.So i emailed diane last night asking her what was happening,and she said that she had been asked to do the gig at the last minute,and she had choreographed a dance last year for four dancers to perform,and as only the other three were there to learn it at the time,she decided that they would perfrom it on the 22nd.I am so pissed off,as i have never heard of this dance,and dont know where she taught it,as i have been to all of her classes,and workshops.And i dont understand why she choreographed a dance for four dancers,when our dance troupe ahs over 10 people in it,surely all dances should be choreographed for all of us to dance,not just four.It aslo pisses me off that it is always the same people in the group that seem to go along to these gigs that are so called 'last minute' ones,its funny that they just happened to be the ones there when she was teaching the dance for four people.I have raised the issue with her before but never got anywhere,as she accussed me of being paranoid,but i dont think i am.

I also went to both placement interviews yeserday,and neither is ideal,but both seem to want me.The refugee centre lady,told me that the issues clients bring can be harrowing,ie domestic violence etc,and that they needed people who were strong and able to handle that kind of thing.She also said that as most clients didnt speak good english,i would always have to have an interpreter with me in the sessions.I had a bad feeling about the place,i just didnt feel very comfortable there.And i was a bit annoyed to be kept waiting half an hour beyond my appointment time,which mad me late to the second interview.Then i went to the terrence higgins trust,and was kept waiting 40 minutes as the woman had forgotten i was coming! But i did feel comfortable there.I saw a woman and a man,they told me about the client group.They said that only a small percentage of clients had hiv or aids,and many were either carers of people with hiv,gay men,female sex workers,or others.So i feel reassured that it wouldnt just be men i would be counselling.They said that they have an induction day,so i could learn more about hiv and aids,to get a basic knowledge.They said that they don't always have a good amount of clients,that it varies,and i should not depend on it as my only placement.When i said where i lived,they said there were no services like theres in my area,so maybe they could organise for me to use a room in a local young housing project,that they have links with.And they said that they have clients who live in my area,but have to use there service at the tht,as there were no counsellors in there area.So they said i might be busy if i saw those clients,They said they could try and set a service up in my area,but it would take time.They said that when they get a client come through,they would ring me,and i could contact the potential client,and arrange to meet them at the terrence higgins trust,and book a room to see them there.They provide supervision once a month at the tht.The only things that concern me,are the lack of clients,and the fact that i would be an independent practitioner,i hioe i would get enought support with clients.They already have about 4 counsellors there that they refer to,so we would all be competing for clients.They said that they tend to choose to refer to the counsellors that they know better from the ones that are there,ie the ones that take time to mix with the other workers there,rather than just come in and see clients,then leave.So i think i would have to try and do that.I think that the refugee centre may be too much for me at the moment,as im sure rape issues will come up,and i dont know how id handle them if they did.But the other placment may have less clients,idont know what to do..I would prefer to go for the tht one,as i really liked the people ther,and think i could handle the client work,i feel better knowing that it could be men or women i see,although i still think it may be more men.They also said that they had a panic button in the counselling room,not sure if that makes me feel better or worse!I am so fed up at the moment.your point about the refugee centre was right i think.I think if i am going to go for a placement now,i need to stop thinking that i cant cope with this or that that clients may bring.I dont wat to have clients with rape or violence issues if i can avoid it,but will have to handle clients anger etc,as if i cant do it now,when will i be able to? I will find it very hard,but i think i have to go for it or i'll never learn to handle it,will i?They also said at the tht,that they try and fit the client to the cousellor,according to mine and there needs,so i feel like if i say to them that if they get female clients,or gay men,that would be ok.I think they do some sort of assessment of clients,but not a formal one.They are sending me more info on there organisation.

[diana_holbourn]

It's a pity you aren't going to get to do that gig.

I hope you get on allright at the THT and find a placement that you're happier with than the refugee centre if you need another one besides that.

It might stop you getting so anxious if they get angry about problems they've had in the past if you focus on thinking, "How would I behave if I was feeling really confident about handling this?" If you imagine how you'd behave, it might stop anxious thoughts occupying your mind instead, and might make you feel more confident. If you imagine how you'd behave if you were confident, and perhaps do little things to help yourself calm down like doing a bit of slow even breathing, then hopefully you'll handle the situation more easily, ... well, as long as you can focus on the idea without not being able to pay attention to what they're saying, of course.

[scared]

i had an email yesterday from my dance teacher that she has sent to all of us,giving a list of performances and saying when they are.She also said that all qetesh (the name of our group) gigs are open to everyone,and if anyone doesnt know the dances,they can come along and improvise.So technically,even though i dont know that dance on the 22nd,i could go and improvise,which does help much as i dont know if the others will improvise too,and i dont want to do that alone.But i still don understand why she choregraphed a dance for just 4 dancers,when theres over 10 of uis in the group.She hasnt replied to my email asking her when she taught this dance,but if i keep hassling her she will get mad.But i am determined to find out,if not from her,than from one of the women dancing on the 22nd if i can.I was thinking that about 2 classes ago,she asked us what we wanted to do in the class,and i said to do a dance that she had taught in one of her workshops,which only 4 of us there knew,as we had been theonly 4 there when she taught it.So we all had a go at it (the whole group),led by us 4 that knew it.Then she said that us 4 could perform it as we knew it,at a gig etc,but she hasnt yet said which gig or when.So maybe she taught the othe rdance at a worshop and only three of the group went and learnt it.But it still doesnt explain why she choregraphed it to be danced by only 4 people in the first place.She did say a while ago,that whoever goes to a workshop where she teaches a choregraphy can perform it,and those that dont go,wont be able to,as they wouldnt have learnt it.As she said she hasnt got time to go over all the workshop choreogrphies in class that she has taiight in the workshops.So i feel good thinking that the usual 'clique', cant perform the dance that me and the 3 others learn at that workshop.Although she says we can perform it,it may never some to pass.

[diana_holbourn]

I think I'd be curious about that as well if I were you and want to know the answer. I hope the issue doesn't cause too much friction between you.

[scared]

hi,I emailed diane again about that dance today,and she said that she wanted to do an advanced choregraphy to push herself a bit,and as it has complicated drum rhythmns in it,she did it for 4 people.So i suppose that was why.Not sure im any clearer,but nevermind.She has sent me about 5 or six emails today about another gig tomorrow night,not sure i can go though.I checked my emails earlier and had six emails.I cant believe it! Wierd how sometimes its all or nothing with friends and people you know.I went shopping today with my mum,to get some stuff for my holiday in july,before they sell out of the summer stuff.I am quite nervous about seeing my counsellor tomorrow,not because of her,but because i know i've got dependent on her,and after tomorrow only have 2 sessions left.I am going to find it really hard when i finish.Should i tell her how im feeling? i just dont know what to do...I am not having panic attacks so much now,but still get upset at the things people say etc.I dont know how i will ever accept that i will always have that memory,it still feels hard to accept.

[diana_holbourn]

Maybe you could say to your counsellor that you think ending the counselling sessions will be hard for you because you feel you've become dependent on her, but ask her if, in that case, she has any suggestions as to how you can make ending the counselling sessions with her easier for yourself. You could also ask her if she knows of anyone else who felt they'd become dependent on her but came up with some good ideas about what they could do when they were no longer seeing her, and if so, what they were. It might give you ideas on things that could work for you. There might be things you can do when you've stopped seeing her, for instance imagining what she'd say to make you feel better when you need comfort in the future and you wish you could see her.

[scared]

hi.i went to my counselling session yesterday,which went ok.I ended up talking about what had been on my mind lately.That i felt like i didnt know how to live with always remembering what happened.I told her about how my mum had said last weekend,that she was a bit worried because i let my daughter go to the toilet on her own in a pub last saturday night,when the whole family went for a meal.I was a bit unsure what to do at the time,as she had to go out of the restaurant to go to the toilet,but by the time i thought about it,she had gone and come back.My mum was saying to her that she shouldnt talk to strangers etc,and we were talking about her safety.And i just felt awful,that i should have gone with her,and because of what happened to me in the past.Whenever i see a poster or an advert saying to women how to keep safe from rape etc,i think,it is too late for me,and that makes me feel really bad.Its like,the worst has already happened,even though i am now being even more careful than ever with my own safety.One thing that has come out of me being raped,is that i wont let myself be bullied,or put myself at risk in any way,which i had never considered my personal safety before it happened.For some reason i didn realise that i could even choose what situations i wanted to go into or not go into.I had no personal boundaries,and i do now,maybe too restrictive though,but i have to have them like that,as i cant cope with anyone invading my space.
I spoke to my daugters aunt last nightand felt really angry and upset.I told her that i had found a placment,from my interviews last week.SHe said that i should be happy.I said i was,but that i had some concerns about it.Then i told her about what happened with my dancing teacher,as she had emailed me on monday to ask what i and the others though about a gig that was to happen last night.I emailed her back yesterday saying it sounded good.Then i texted her yesterday morning to say i was interested in doing it,no reply from her.Then i texted her yesterday tea time asking what was happening with the gig,again no reply.So i phoned her home phone and left a message.Then i phoned her mobile,it was on voicemail.Then i phoned someone else in our group to see if they knew what was happening,and they didnt know anything about it.So i was quite annoyed as i thought she could have returned my call or texted me to say whether it was on etc.So i told my daughters wunt about it last night,and she said that my teacher could have been with her partner relaxing,or busy etc.Which i thought could have been reasonable.But when i said that things like that had happened before,and told her that several years ago,i told my teacher that i had feelings for her,she (the aunt),then said that my teacher could have found it difficult dealing with me because of what i said back then,and implied that maybe my teacher though i was hassling her etc.I felt like she was saying that i was misinterpreted things,and that i was being unreasonable.She kept saying about me seeing the positive things that were happening,like getting a placement.I just felt like she didnt really understand when i told her that i am still feeling worried and negative about the future in some ways,and cant see past what happened to me just yet.I told her that i am feeling stronger than i was,but that i am not there yet.I dont think she realises that i am still having problems with negative thoughts,and getting less frequent,but that the panic attacks are still there.I also dont think she realises that although i can still be irrational in my thinking,that i wasnt with my teacher yesterday,as i think it was understandable that i wanted to know what was happening with the gig.I just feel like she has had the same feelings of panic,and ought to understand more of what i am going through,and i understood that what she was saying was logical,but i dont think she really understands how much my feelings about being raped have affected me.She told me several weeks ago that she didnt have a choice,and that she had to get on with things because of her job,after she was raped.I wrote her a letter today which i put in the envelope with her book i was returning explaining that i dont feel like i have a choice in how im dealing with my feelings,and how they are affecting me.I also said that could she be gentle with me,as sometimes she seems a bit agressive,almost like shes saying to pull myself together.Yet sometimes on the phone,she can be a lot gentler,and seem more supportive.She told me a while ago that she is not a person to just sit and listen to me,that she will some up with ideas,and sont say what i want her to say.I think that she means that she wont commiserate with me,or collude with my thinking,keeping me in the same thought patterns.I appreciate that,and i dont want her too,but i would like her to not challenge me all the time,but to go easier on me,and tell me her feelings about what happened to her,and to let me say how i feel without seeming to try and change it.Just to listen and let me talk.do u think thast reasonable? i said that in the letter,apart from asking her if she thinks its reasonable.She has already said i can do that with her,but when i do say how i feel,she says that the only one who can work through things is me.She told me last night that i have to be independent.When i told her about my dancing teacher she said she couldnt help me.Then she said if i get so stressed by her,i should find another class.And because i said that i felt that i am dependent on my counsellor,that i should not go back to counselling.She said that she thought that i had never walked away from friendships that dont work before,and i said that i hadnt.But i told her that even though my dance teacher is disorganised,and i get annoyed with her sometimes,she is a good teacher and i didnt want to give up my class.I also told her that i still had some feelings for my dance teacher,which is probably why i get oversensitive with what she does,but that i realise that she has a boyfriend,and am happy to just be friends.The aunt said that i needed to move on by leaving her class,but i dont want to do that,as my feelings are only small for her now,anddont cause me much trouble,and i wouldnt want to be wiht her anymore even if i could.so its not a problem for me.I did tell the aunt that i do have a problem with getting attached to people who show me a lot of kindness,like my counsellor.I would like to change this pattern.I have this problem with the aunt,as i do feel that she is supportive,but because she is proactive in dealing with things,and doesnt sit and reflect,she can come across an agressive,although i dont think she means to be.Im not sure how to communicate with her.I feel disappointed that becausse she has been through the same thing,that she is not more sympathetic than she sometimes comes across.Sometimes she comes across gently,other times,more straight talking.The things she wrote in the book suggest a vulnerability,but she hasnt discussed them much with me,only a bit,and she seemed detached from her feelings.But then maybe thats how she has been able to deal with it.I cant detach myself from mine.And i do have a tendency to put up with bad treatment from people,if they also give me some care and attention.I am not good at walking away from bad friendships.i dont know how i can learn to do this?I had a panic attack yesterday on the way to see the counsellor,as i couldnt decide what to wear yesterday morning,and put on a vest which was slightly lower cut.On the way there i suddenly felt id mad the wrong choice,and felt really exposed.I got there and didnt want to come out of the toilet!I did in the end,and when igot ot counselling the counsellor showed me some relaxation breathing techniques which helped.My counsellor said that maybe i was worried about coming to counselling to talk about difficult feelings,and that had subconsciously triggered the attack.
I dont know whether thats true or not.I went ot my yoga class this morning,which went really well.Then at the end,the teacher said we were going to do our relaxation.She asked me if i minded if she closed a window next to the woman next to me,as she was a bit cold.I said no,but then suddenly realised that all the windows were then closed,and asked if another one could be opened further up the room.So the teacher opened one for me,but by then a panic attack had started,as i get very claustraphobic.I moved my mat to by the window and tried to start relaxing,but felt worse and worse,so the teacher suggested i sit in a chair,which i did.I closed my eyes and tried to slow down my breathing and sense of terror,although the terror was worse than my breathing,which i was able to control.As i was so conscious of feeling really awful,i nearly burst into tears,but had to keep quiet so not to disturb the others relaxation.I had a strong urge to leave,but managed to stay,just.I talked to my teacher afterwards and she said that she knew that i was panicking.i appreciated her being really calm at the time.She was really good about it,as i had told her the week before about the attacks.I told her that whenever im in a room,i have to have a window open,i cant feel trapped,or i have to get out.I ahve felt liek this for years,and do not know when it started,but im wondering if it started after i was raped,as i dont remember feeling like that before that time,although i cant be sure.do u think that could be right?

[diana_holbourn]

If you really enjoy your dancing class on the whole, I think it would be a shame to leave, unless and until you ever decide the stress of not being told things is getting too much. But it should be up to you. It would have been nice if your dancing teacher had given you more information, especially so close to the time of the gig.

Yes, I think people should be allowed to express their feelings for a while without being challenged on them.

What do you think it is that stops you walking away from bad friendships?

It may be that you could have started feeling phobic about being in places where you feel trapped after what happened, since it probably would have made you feel more sensitive about being able to get away from places. Can you think of any of the thoughts that go through your head when you think of how you feel you need to avoid enclosed spaces? They might give you clues as to why you like to avoid them. Do you always have a window open at home? Can you think of anything you tell yourself when you're making sure one's open about the reasons it mustn't be closed? If you can, you might be able to help yourself by challenging those thoughts, asking if they're really true, or whether they might be exaggerated or distorted, since phobias can often be kept going by exaggerated and distorted thinking that's grown up over the years because of mistakes in the way people think about things, that people might not think to challenge normally. For instance, people can think something terrible's likely to happen if they do a certain thing when it probably won't happen really. Or if someone has a panic attack in a supermarket, they might worry they'll start having them in all big shops, when their panic attack might have been brought on by stress rather than by the supermarket.