rape

[shaunaclare]

I was at a works xmas party having a great time just Dec gone. I had a couple of glasses of wine and was pretty merry. Was dancing with some work mates, nothing smoochy coochy just a bit of fun. This guy who I had made it quite clearly to that I wasn't interested in kept following me and eventually towards the end of the night when he saw I was very drunk and could hardly stand up approached me. I recall putting my arms around him so I could lean on or else I would have collapsed. I was in his arms on the dance floor asleep for a good while, could have been snogging him. He then said 'lets go to my place'. I was just thinking about getting a good nights sleep, thats all and I didn't have cash to get a taxi. I had already let this guy crash at my place so I figured that he owed me one. We took a taxi to his and I threw myself onto the bed. I dont recall taking my clothes off but next thing I remeber his penis inside me without asking. He was penetrating and it was very rough sex. I pulled away before he ejaculated and dont remember anything else till next day. I asked him what happened next day and he said we had sex. I was infuriated because I told this guy on previous occasion that I did not fancy him. The only reason I was dancing with this guy was because I was pissed and he had won, he got me into his bed. I thought well at least Im not pregnant as he didnt ejaculate inside me but took morning after pill to be on the safe side. The when I told the doctor about it he said it sounds like I was raped and sent me to the rape crisis clinic to be tested for hiv and infections. I was completely shocked when they told me that you can get hiv from a guy just putting his penis inside you without ejaculating. Then I decided that he raped me or at least took advantage. Now Im just hanging around to hear about the results of a HIV test that could possibly be positive.
Is this rape?

[diana_holbourn]

He sounds like an unpleasant man! Yes, technically it would have been rape, since you'd said no to him enough times that he obviously knew you didn't want sex with him. It seems he was clearly taking advantage of you.

It's easy for people to get so drunk that they do things they'd never do when they're sober because their judgments are impaired. But it commonly puts people in more danger of sexual assault, partly because people who want to do that will know they can take advantage of them more easily.

It sounds as if this man could be a danger to people, as sex offenders usually attack several people over time. But it's possible that taking him to court would be very difficult for you, because his defence lawyer might use your drunken state and the fact you were dancing with him and may have been kissing as supposed evidence that you have to share the responsibility for what happened. They'll do that whether they really believe it or not, just to do the best for their client. On the other hand, I think in some places, it's possible to argue that if you were drunk, you were incapable of consent, and so he's guilty of rape because he didn't take enough care to find out your wishes when you were in a sober enough state to give informed consent. That would be especially true since you were drunk enough to fall unconscious, since the law now does say that people have to be considered incapable of consent if they were unconscious. So if you do decide you want to take it to court, it would probably be best to get legal advice first.