Coping with bumping into rapist. Any advice....

[friday]

To be honest I'd find it a bit weird if you didn't have some major reaction to that. It must have been terrifying and have brought so many memories back. Hopefully if you can avoid him then you won't have to have any more flashbacks but if you do have more it doesn't mean you will have them forever. There is help available (after 5/6 years I thought they were with me for life but I can't even remember when I last had one). Flashbacks occur because trauma memories are encoded differently, you try to fight them off rather than processing them. Something that might help (although only do this if you feel strong enough and have support) is to write out a small portion of one of the memories. It's a way of reprocessing the memory but without the full strength of the original memory.

[Music lady]

Thanks Friday, that helps hugely.

I don't think I can avoid him completely. However, I have now warned my friends to let me choose the taxi home without going into details. So hopefully I should be ok.

Thanks again, ML x

[myhome]

Hi ML - google post traumatic stress disorder - think that will help you understand a bit more - thanks for your PM - will reply - when not so late MH

[friday]

That's good.

[Music lady]

Thanks for the reply and PM MH.
I have googled PTSD and I have done some of the tests. Apparently I have quite a few of the symptoms. Some of how I'm now feeling, I've felt before. The anxiety feels a bit more intense. I find doing some breathing exercises helps though.

Thanks for your help.

Feel free to PM if you need to.

ML x

[Faith]

Well done for your bravery Music Lady. Keep Strong.

[Music lady]

Thanks Faith. I'm not feeling brave at all. I feel as though I'm going crazy. I get shivers up my spine whenever a car comes up behind me. I prefer to walk towards oncoming traffic so I can see what's coming, and I don't like taxis anymore.

Just keep wondering when the men in white coats will come and take me away. Hopefully it will end soon. Just gotta stay strong.

ML

[myhome]

Thanks Faith. I'm not feeling brave at all. I feel as though I'm going crazy. I get shivers up my spine whenever a car comes up behind me. I prefer to walk towards oncoming traffic so I can see what's coming, and I don't like taxis anymore.

Just keep wondering when the men in white coats will come and take me away. Hopefully it will end soon. Just gotta stay strong.

ML

Hi ML - your symptoms of anxiety are sounding really worrying because they are now affecting the way you live your life - in other words you are having to alter the way you live your life to cope with your fears and panic attacks. This quite a development from your previous posts.
I really would advise that you seek help for this - it would be very unusual (though not impossible) for the symptoms to go away on their own, and if not challenged with appropriate counselling/therapy may quite possibly get worse....Your GP should be able to refer you to appropriate organisations that will be able to help. In the meantime I can recommend www.cornwallmentalhealth.com for some great advice and self-help stuff

MH

[Music lady]

Hi MH, thanks for replying. I tried to desensitise myself and I think it's made it worse. I can't self heal because I can't deal with the flashbacks without telling them to go away. I have decided I need help, but it's easier said than done. I just worry in case they think I've really lost the plot! I hope that doesn't offend, really not my intention.

Denial was such a lovely place for a while, but now I think it's time I faced up to it. Just wish I could get a magic rubber and just erase the bad bits of my past. I know that's not possible.

Thanks for the link, I shall take a look. Hope your situation soon gets better. Thanks again.
ML

[myhome]

I have decided I need help, but it's easier said than done. I just worry in case they think I've really lost the plot! I hope that doesn't offend, really not my intention.

Hi ML - people - counsellors, therapists and others who work in the field of mental health most definitely will not think you have lost the plot. You should find them to be very sympathetic and empathetic and very very helpful, kind and understanding. If the person you see doesn't show these characteristics then you need to ask for a different therapist. Therapy and counselling etc can only work successfully if a positive, trusting relationship is built up between therapist and client.....
Please pluck up the courage to visit your GP or even CAB who will be able to refer you to the right type of therapist for you.

And - no offence taken at all about losing the plot - I sometimes use what may be considered very unPC words like black humour!!!!

Be strong and proactive.......you'll be really pleased you did..... MH

[Music lady]

Hi MH, thanks for the kind words. It's good to know I'm not losing the plot. I plucked up the courage to ring GP for an appointment, but there was no answer! I'm going to try and pluck up the courage again tomorrow. I still have no idea what I'm going to say when I see GP, but I guess making the appointment is the first step. I then have to keep it and go! Hopefully they'll be good at mind reading or will have a crystal ball so I won't have to worry if I can't get any words out. Lol!

I'm starting to feel as though my ex bf is close to me even though he isn't. Tonight at work, I kept expecting to see him looking through the window at me, laughing. I couldn't wait to get away from the window. I had to distract myself all the way home. Kept feeling as though he was behind me. I know he wasn't. I've only just started to feel this since my last flashback. I don't like this at all! I just want it to go away now! I feel safer at my day job because I know he can't see me even if he wanted to!

I'm pleased there was no offence taken about losing the plot. Sometimes a little black humour helps you feel better. Just hope there's not a long waiting list to see a counsellor.

Thanks again for replying, ML

[myhome]

Hi ML

I've sent you a PM

Hugs MH

[Music lady]

Thanks MH, I've sent a reply PM to you.

Take care, ML

[Music lady]

Hi MH, hope you don't mind, but I've PM'd you an update.

Thanks for all your support and take care
ML

[myhome]

Hey - no worries -