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hi everyone, cant quite believe this is the first time Ive looked for a forum on rape.
I was raped when i was 14, 33 years ago (cant believe Im that old!). Wasnt getting on very well with my parents, and Id started going out late with friends.On my way home from a club, i was waiting alone at a bus stop. One of the guys (who lived near me and had been at the club) beckoned me towards him.. I was scared, dont know why i went towards him, basically he had a knife, and made me go to a nearby flat. the flat was virtually bare. He forced me into a room, locked the door. Made me take off my clothes which he took to another room. I was shaking so much. He threatened to cut me (my vagina) if i didnt stop shaking. He attempted to penetrate me, but wasnt able to, he said he was too big. He called his friends up (there was a balcony off the room) . he went downstairs to get his mates. He locked the door. I knelt on the bed and prayed that he wouldnt hurt me and my mum and dad wouldnt find out. He came back with his mates and three of them raped me. A fourth ( I knew them all) took me into another room and lay ontop of me. I was screaming, crying. The door burst open and another guy ( who i later found out was allegedly a pimp) came in to 'rescue' me. A television was smashed. the pimp guy helped get my clothes and he walked me home and told me not to tell anyone. i got home and made up a story to my parents and went to bed. My friend who 'd left me at the bus stop came round the next mornin. i blurted out to her that id been raped. My dad started shouting.. The police were called. I was terrified and didnt want to make a statement. Initially i lied and said a man had jumped me at an alley. the police said they didnt believe me. I told them the truth. They said i didnt have enough bruises to indicate rape. they gave me a forensic examination and found 3 lots of semen. They also found me back covered in a silvery coating which i now think was from the screen on the tv that was smashed. they said i shouldnt have been to the club. they concentrated on the fact that id been to a club with 'black guys', one wpc went on and on about why i didnt get myself a nice 'white' boyfriend. The police said the most they could do in court would be to get them for underage sex. they treated me like a silly girl who got her just deserts for hanging out at such a club. the polices approach really affected my parents approach to me. Later my mum took me to the gp, she told him what had happened and all i remember him asking was if she was alright!
It destroyed an already fragile relationship with my parents. My dad could hardly look at me. two of the men contacted me through my friend as they had both caught gonnerhea (forgive the spelling) and we all went to the hospital together to get treatment. that day i got home and my poor parents who really didnt know how to cope announced theyd arranged for me to live with a relative in another city, so that was that, feeling totally rejected and betrayed i got a coach that night . i felt as if id been chucked out of home. I was promiscuous from the next year onwards, throughout the rest of my teens. I spent many years putting myself in vulnerable situations, not really understanding my behaviour. i was raped again when i was 16, but didnt bother going to the police. I had a bout of counselling when i was 16, and again in my early 30s. I made a good life for myself, i have a stable partner, 2 lovely kids and a great job. I was able to foster a much better relationship with my parents, both dead now. All this was a struggle against self hatred, self doubt and anxiety and deep shame. Ive come through a lot, especially the relationship with parents, andn always thought i dont want to be defined by rape. But over the last few years, maybe seeing my daughter growing up, shes only 10 but in only 4 years shell be the same age i was, and also looking at my friends kids who are 14, i have an over whe.ming sense of anger that no one stood up for me, or encouraged me to see it was them who were in the wrong. I hope the police are better now, but when i hear of recent news reports of those young girls were groomed, and ignored by the police (was that in rochdale?) and the other news items, I feel i want to do something. Im wondering about contacting the police and reporting it. (again!) Not sure if the forensic evidence will still be around, maybe the original report that was made? Im angry at the police, as well as the guys concerned (will they still be alive, did they do it again, will they have families now?) Previously my anger was directed at my self and my parents and other family.) part of me thinking why drag all this up again, but it never really goes away, im on antidepressants, tho i dont dwell on being raped i think the event had profound effects on my development and psyche and has contributed to many years of rock bottom self esteem. Although it was a long time ago the effects still run deep. Any way, thanks for reading this, wondering what my next move should be. I feel i have to take some action.
I was raped when i was 14, 33 years ago (cant believe Im that old!). Wasnt getting on very well with my parents, and Id started going out late with friends.On my way home from a club, i was waiting alone at a bus stop. One of the guys (who lived near me and had been at the club) beckoned me towards him.. I was scared, dont know why i went towards him, basically he had a knife, and made me go to a nearby flat. the flat was virtually bare. He forced me into a room, locked the door. Made me take off my clothes which he took to another room. I was shaking so much. He threatened to cut me (my vagina) if i didnt stop shaking. He attempted to penetrate me, but wasnt able to, he said he was too big. He called his friends up (there was a balcony off the room) . he went downstairs to get his mates. He locked the door. I knelt on the bed and prayed that he wouldnt hurt me and my mum and dad wouldnt find out. He came back with his mates and three of them raped me. A fourth ( I knew them all) took me into another room and lay ontop of me. I was screaming, crying. The door burst open and another guy ( who i later found out was allegedly a pimp) came in to 'rescue' me. A television was smashed. the pimp guy helped get my clothes and he walked me home and told me not to tell anyone. i got home and made up a story to my parents and went to bed. My friend who 'd left me at the bus stop came round the next mornin. i blurted out to her that id been raped. My dad started shouting.. The police were called. I was terrified and didnt want to make a statement. Initially i lied and said a man had jumped me at an alley. the police said they didnt believe me. I told them the truth. They said i didnt have enough bruises to indicate rape. they gave me a forensic examination and found 3 lots of semen. They also found me back covered in a silvery coating which i now think was from the screen on the tv that was smashed. they said i shouldnt have been to the club. they concentrated on the fact that id been to a club with 'black guys', one wpc went on and on about why i didnt get myself a nice 'white' boyfriend. The police said the most they could do in court would be to get them for underage sex. they treated me like a silly girl who got her just deserts for hanging out at such a club. the polices approach really affected my parents approach to me. Later my mum took me to the gp, she told him what had happened and all i remember him asking was if she was alright!
It destroyed an already fragile relationship with my parents. My dad could hardly look at me. two of the men contacted me through my friend as they had both caught gonnerhea (forgive the spelling) and we all went to the hospital together to get treatment. that day i got home and my poor parents who really didnt know how to cope announced theyd arranged for me to live with a relative in another city, so that was that, feeling totally rejected and betrayed i got a coach that night . i felt as if id been chucked out of home. I was promiscuous from the next year onwards, throughout the rest of my teens. I spent many years putting myself in vulnerable situations, not really understanding my behaviour. i was raped again when i was 16, but didnt bother going to the police. I had a bout of counselling when i was 16, and again in my early 30s. I made a good life for myself, i have a stable partner, 2 lovely kids and a great job. I was able to foster a much better relationship with my parents, both dead now. All this was a struggle against self hatred, self doubt and anxiety and deep shame. Ive come through a lot, especially the relationship with parents, andn always thought i dont want to be defined by rape. But over the last few years, maybe seeing my daughter growing up, shes only 10 but in only 4 years shell be the same age i was, and also looking at my friends kids who are 14, i have an over whe.ming sense of anger that no one stood up for me, or encouraged me to see it was them who were in the wrong. I hope the police are better now, but when i hear of recent news reports of those young girls were groomed, and ignored by the police (was that in rochdale?) and the other news items, I feel i want to do something. Im wondering about contacting the police and reporting it. (again!) Not sure if the forensic evidence will still be around, maybe the original report that was made? Im angry at the police, as well as the guys concerned (will they still be alive, did they do it again, will they have families now?) Previously my anger was directed at my self and my parents and other family.) part of me thinking why drag all this up again, but it never really goes away, im on antidepressants, tho i dont dwell on being raped i think the event had profound effects on my development and psyche and has contributed to many years of rock bottom self esteem. Although it was a long time ago the effects still run deep. Any way, thanks for reading this, wondering what my next move should be. I feel i have to take some action.
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