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**diana_holbourn** · 9 November 2005, 11:04 AM

Sorry to hear about what's happened.

I think rapists are more likely to pick on people who look vulnerable. That might be one reason why a person can be attacked on different occasions by different people who don't know each other.

You must feel bad about the police not seeming to believe you. What would you think about the idea of making a complaint at some point if things don't move on? It might be worth contacting them again to ask what they're doing about your case, and to say you're unhappy that they didn't want to look at your clothes for forensic evidence, suggesting that there's a possibility that you'll complain against them at some point. If nothing else, it might get you more of a straight answer from them, so you won't be hanging around in suspense. What do you think about the idea?

A mental health team should certainly have known better than to say that you can move on with your life now! And I wonder how good your psychiatrist is if you'd been seeing him/her before but still got into the state you were in when you went out that night! Regarding counselling, people ought to be very careful anyway when they choose a counsellor, because some of them can make things worse by trying to get people to re-live their traumas, or encouraging them to think more and more about the past so they just get more and more depressed.

I don't know if you'd have to visit Rape Crisis in person. I'm not sure what their rules are about that. But they might be willing to just speak to you over the phone.

And you might get some free counselling from Victim Support if you contact them. Again, I'm not quite sure how they operate, but it might be worth asking. And you're welcome to express your feelings on this board as much as you want.

If you did meet the same man on the way to see your psychiatrist, at least it would be the middle of the day so he probably wouldn't dare try anything, and there would be lots of people around who might help you if he did, unlike the middle of the night. I know it would still be scary to see him, but at least you could reassure yourself with the thoughts that he probably wouldn't dare attack you with so many people around, and you're more likely to be allright if you can concentrate on trying to adopt a confident posture and carrying on walking.

**lilahfairy** · 11 March 2006, 05:41 PM

ooo long time i posted.
thanks diana for the reply sweetie.
i did make an offical complaint about the police to the constabulary and to my local MP.
for all the good it did me!
i ended up calling CID because they hadnt gotten back to me and was told my report had been marked that i wanted no further action!!! but to come in and make a statement.
i went in and this female detective started with 'well that sort of thing doesnt really happen here'
'why didnt you fight him off?'
'why didnt you go to the nearest house asap?'
'maybe you are imagining it with your illness'
'no one else has reported anything like that in the area'
'did you just have a sex and now you are embarrassed and are making this complaint?'
'do you know how much paperwork it would cause to investigate something like this?'
!!!!!
i left in tears.
told my cpn who was furious
she arranged for this detective to come take my statement at the mental health centre.
but 5 mins after she was supposed to arrive, the detective cancelled. then called me on my mobile and said id twisted her words and she was angry and didnt think she should deal with me in the future and wouldnt take my statement but leave my report on file.
because id made that complaint, basically.
they left the same woman in charge of my case, who was now pissed off because i complained about her.
did a video statement.
a few months later (recently) she told me they have looked at CCTV and tried to find witnesses but have no leads and so are no longer investigating it.
of course she denied all the things she said to me.
i dont know how they 'looked for witnesses' given i couldnt give them a description of the people who saw me at any time that night, there have been no posters or clips in the local papers or crimestoppers or the local news or anything at all.
but the constabulary says they looked at how it was handled and are now satisfied. they hope im not upset due to my 'perceived view of lack of service'
i knew it didnt bode well. when i was sat in the waiting area waiting to give my statement the first time there was a bloke sat next to me. then two male detectives came out and talked to him saying a girl had accused him of rape, but they didnt believe her story, shook his hand and he was on his way.

i cant believe they left this woman in charge of my case after she told me she didnt want to deal with me!
and that everyone else is ok with that!!?

my mental health is alot better at the moment. but i am very angry about everything that happened.
and i now know that whatever happens to me here, no one is going to protect me.

and yes i did see him again in town.
the terror i felt was unbelieveable. my heart stopped and i felt sick. i legged it into the nearest shop but to my horror he followed. dont know if he saw me.
i walked back down the next aisle and left.
told the police about that in case there was CCTV footage (there was a camera there) but they did nothing.
oh yeah, i also sketched them a picture of him, but they did nothing with that too.

i think my experiences with the police did more emotional damage than the rape itself.

im still looking over my shoulder wondering if i will run into the rapist.
and im a bit concerned that the detective who hates me will try to get revenge for my complaint about her, given the general attitude of the police there and how they back each other up.

i cant prove what happened to me with the rapist
i cant prove what that detective said to me, in person and on the phone.

its infuriating.

my cpn/psychiatrist/gp/friends dont doubt me at all.
but that makes little difference.
i was tempted to write to my MP again and explain that i am not happy with whats gone on. still.
his reply to my letter before was very supportive.

but im not sure i could put my family through the stress
or myself. im physically ill at the moment and awaiting a hospital appointment to investigate that.

sooooo pissed off.

after my bf at uni raped me i swore id never report it if it ever happened again, and that if anyone tried id fight to the death rather than be raped again.
but i did, and i didnt. respectively.
and i know now i would NEVER EVER report it again, however bad it was.

lilah
xx

**diana_holbourn** · 11 March 2006, 06:23 PM

That's awful. Your case seems to have been handled badly and totally insensitively, and yes, it does seem stupid that someone who says they'd prefer not to speak to you in the future is still the one on your case!

I do think it's pretty terrible that when bad things happen to mentally ill people, they're even more vulnerable than others, because people can just put down what they're saying to delusions and so they might be less likely to believe them, or if they do ask the people they're complaining against what happened and they say they must have been imagining things, they might be able to get away with it more easily.

The police used to have a notoriously harsh attitude to people who reported rapes, but I think some have improved in recent years. But it is annoying that it seems some still have insensitive attitudes. Maybe one reason is that they're cynical because people who make false accusations make them suspicious of everyone who reports a rape, so people who make genuine accusations are more likely to be suspected of making false ones. I hope the publicity that false accusations are getting doesn't make it more likely that they'll do that.

I'm not sure what it would be best to do next.

I'm glad your mental health is a lot better anyway.

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