I want answers from my rapist

[emy2005]

Hey I was wondering if anyone could tell me the answers to my questions. My rapist is in jail for indecent assault for other girls and not for raping me. I want to ask him all the questions I have and I wondered, am i allowed to go and see him? what are the rules or guidelines about it? Does he have to say he wants to see me? Or if im writing a letter what are the procedure?

wb luv emyxxxxxx

[Saffron]

Originally posted by emy2005@21st July 2005 - 12:42 PM
Hey I was wondering if anyone could tell me the answers to my questions. My rapist is in jail for indecent assault for other girls and not for raping me. I want to ask him all the questions I have and I wondered, am i allowed to go and see him? what are the rules or guidelines about it? Does he have to say he wants to see me? Or if im writing a letter what are the procedure?

wb luv emyxxxxxx

Quoted post

Hi Emy

If you really do want to see him, you cannot do so without a Visiting Order. The only person who can give you a VO is the prisoner himself. You cannot just turn up.

Do you know which prison he is in? If so, you can get the address from the prison service website www.hmprisonservice.gov.uk/ Alternatively, if you don't know where he is, there is a search facility on the same site for people who know someone is in prison but not which specific prison.

Once you have found the address of the prison, you can write to him, and put his prisoner number on the envelope. If you do not know his prisoner number you can write his full name, and then his date of birth on the envelope. Whatever you write will be read and censored before it is given to him, so be prepared that your letter may not reach him at all.

Prison visits are a horrible experience, with lots of waiting around, queuing, searches and security checks. You will need 2 forms of identification - one with a photograph, like your passport/driving license, and another with your home address on it, like a utility bill/bank statement.

When I was visiting my husband, I used to have a mixture of dread and anticipation - dread at seeing an innocent man incarcerated, and anticipation at the thought of being with him. I really don't know if it would be a good idea for you to see your rapist, but you are the only one who can answer that.

I hope this answers your questions. Please do think long and hard before you take this step.

Good luck

Saffron.

[diana_holbourn]

Yes. Also, I think that perhaps unless you're a relative, you have to wait for some time before you get cleared to visit someone. I can't quite remember the procedure now, but I've visited someone in prison before, and before I could visit the first time, I had to wait for a while, and then a policeman came to see me just to check I was who I said I was.

Also, bare in mind that if you write to him, it might be worse hanging around in suspense wondering if he'll reply or what he'll say if he does than it is now. And if he does, he might not tell you the truth. Rapists tend to be notorious liars who try to get out of responsibility for what they've done by twisting the events in their minds and blaming the victims for what happened. That's not to say you won't get the answers you're looking for. Maybe you will. But these are just things to bare in mind.

[Rachel]

Hi Emy,
I agree with Saffron and Diana about thinking long and hard about writing a letter or visting your rapist. You will need to be so strong and be able to cope (that as Diana said) lies he may say and blaming you (even though none of this is your fault).
One thing that I have done, is written a letter to my rapist but never sent it. I then stood in the garden and burnt it. (As my Mum also says the best letters are those that are never sent.) By writing down all your feelings to this Man and all the questions you have bussing round your head can be a release. Then seeing those feelings pyhsical burning can really support the healing process.
It's just an Idea if you decide not to visit/write to him.
If you do confront him, I think you are a very determined person. I wish I could confront the person who did this to me but I'm affraid I just don't have the strength.
Good luck and let us know what you decide.
xxxxxxx

[emy2005]

In total i have written 40 poems addressed to him, i have wrote 5 letters addressed to him. I tried that but these questions buzz in my head and they dont go away

[diana_holbourn]

Perhaps if you sent him lots of poems and letters, it might touch his conscience. Who knows.