Raped while unconcious

[los]

hi, i'll keep this brief.

on sunday (17th july) my boyfriend decided to rape me while i was 'passed out' (i had three drinks - i do not drink normally and it went to my head) without using protection. when i came round - a few hours had passed and i believe the only reason he told me was because he had come inside me... or he felt guilty whatever.

i reported this to the police and i suppose i am in the process of taking this further. the problem i face is i work with him - i expect to see him soon - i don't know how i'll react. i dont want anyone else to know. i also have no support it seems - my mother actually said 'nevermind' and a supposed friend tells me off if i get angry or sad or don't want to answer his question - they think i should drop the charges - it is not about me... i should just forgive him or ask for money - i just can't believe they are reacting like this. i mean nothing and what happened should just be brushed under the carpet.

it happened in my own bed - and what is killing me is i don't know anything about it - i didnt feel a thing. how do you cope with this?

[diana_holbourn]

It's a pity you haven't got the support around you you need. Sorry to hear they're saying such insensitive things. There's a forum where people support each other all the time at http://pub41.bravenet.com/forum/show.php?u...462926451&cpv=1

Is there a possibility you could be transferred to another department at work?

One thing that might help a little bit if you have to spend time in his presence is if you think beforehand of all the things you've achieved in your life, everything that helps you know you're a worthwhile person, everything you can be pleased with yourself at having done, and all the good qualities you know you have. It can help if you write them all down, and keep on looking at what you've written to get everything firmly into your memory. Then, when you're in his presence, it might help you to calm yourself down if you keep repeating them to yourself over and over again, saying to yourself other things as well like, "I know I'm a worthwhile person. He had no right to try to rob me of my self-respect and self-worth", and any other reassuring things you can think of. Trying to really slow your breathing down can help calm you down as well.

Do you think there's a possibility that he spiked your drink with some drug? If so, it's just possible there may be traces of it still in your system, so it could be worth asking the police for a test.

[los]

thank you for your advice and the link - i will try your suggestions out later today. i am usually quite a fearless person but i cannot believe how sick i get when thinking about seeing him.

a problem i feel is that no one at work knows we had been dating for two months - they know only that he really fancied me. i am lucky in one respect that i do not work directly with him. i'm a bartender and he is an usher in a theatre - so i can avoid him to an extent.

i had a full police test - bloods, urine and swabs - so if he did drug me then it should show up.

everyone at work thinks he is such a nice person etc... i dont know how to continue when my own family and close friends are telling me i should forgive him. if i had been attacked and been concious while it happened - then they wouldnt be like this i guess. they dont understand its just as hard when you dont know what happened. my mother just called me and told me because he apologised i should drop the charges

they are making me feel ashamed and guilty for going to the police.

[diana_holbourn]

There's no need to feel ashamed and guilty for going to the police. People shouldn't expect to be able to sexually assault people and get away with it just because they apologise later. It might just be a good way of trying to manipulate people into keeping quiet. For all you know, he might have done this to other people before. And there are people who can turn on the charm in public, but sooner or later, they reveal what they're really like.

[Summersun]

Hello Los, the same thing happened to me on a few occasions by my boyfriend. I couldn't believe that it could happen while I was totally unconcious without me knowing, and I didn't understand how he could do it. I could not talk to him about it as I wouldn't believe he was that awful. I eventually left him, after 13 years. I have never mentioned it to him and I have only ever told one person what happened. It makes me feel embarrassed and ashamed. It has effected me and it shouldn't have happened.

I think you are very brave and strong for going to the police, I would have never of done that as I'm too scared and have let him get away with it even though it's a dreadful thing to do.

I hope that you are learning how to cope with it, time is a great healer. This happened to me over three years ago and I am a much stronger person now although it still effects me in my relationships sometimes as I can be defensive.