been raped

[kirsty000]

Nearly three weeks ago I was raped in a night club. For the first week I felt numb and tried to forget about it, i felt all alone, my boyfriend came back off holiday I told him that I was raped, I cant talk about it in detail to him, I want to but Im too scared. Nearly three weeks have passed and I feel worse than ever, Im 19 at uni and ive got exams in 3 weeks and I cant concentrate on anything. The worse thing is im scared I will loose my boyfriend because I cant relax anymore during sex we dont talk about what hapend and i dont know if i want to or not. I need some advice on how to cope with all this.

kirsty

[Snoopyseed]

Hello hun, the first thing you really have to do is to take some time out to digest things, this may sound easy but it isnt, you cant go on ignoring what has happened.With many survivors it feels as if you are personally to blame, and by not saying anything to anyone it makes you feel like you have something to be ashamed about.You have not done anything wrong here!
Go and see your GP first off and get yourself checked out for anything untoward, this is vitally important as there could be a possibility of pregnancy or an std. I know its not nice to think of but it does happen.

Next ask your GP to refer you to a counsellor, the sooner you begin to talk about this and build a support network the better it is going to be in the long term for you.

Also consider talking to your boyfriend if he is supportive and willing to help you then it shows you how much he loves you, remeber you have nothing to be ashamed of you have not done anything wrong.Next think about telling your Uni , concentrating on exams is not going to be easy by explaining things perhaps even in a letter you may be given time off or able to resit your exams when you feel ready, they should understand if they are a proffesional institute, also many Uni's have counsellors attached to them that you could speak to, above all else though please please please think about building yourself a support network, remeber every time you tell someone what has happened you are beggining to get your power back, by remaining silent the person who did this to you is still in control.


Good luck hun.
Snoopy

[diana_holbourn]

Sorry to hear about your ordeal. Maybe talking to Rape Crisis would help.

In the run-up to your exams, it might help if you consider questions such as these:

Are there any days when you don't feel quite so bad as you do on other days?
Or are there any times of day when you seem to feel a bit better?
If so, what are you doing on those days or at those times?
What else have you found helpful?
What good qualities do you know you possess that might help you through this?
What have others said about you in the past that you feel sure is true about you and which might help you get through this?
What good things do you think each one of your family and friends might say about you if they were asked about your good qualities that might help you get through this, if you recognise that those things are true?
What are you already doing that has at times made things a bit better?
If someone else came to you with the same problem, and you were feeling strong enough to give them good support, how would you advise them?

Maybe if you keep a diary over the coming week, noting down every time when you feel a bit better, and working out what you're doing at those times that makes you not feel so bad, you'll start to feel more certain you'll get through this, because you'll be able to think about what you're doing that's working for you, and be able to begin to do it at other times.

If there's a possibility of your boyfriend dumping you because you can't relax during sex rather than understanding that a rape would have made you less able to relax, sorry, but is he worth having? How do you think he would take it if you asked if he'd mind if you didn't see so much of each other for the time being because you wanted to devote more of your attention to revising? If his love for you is genuine - if he actually cares about your feelings, he should understand if you tell him that though it's no fault of his, being raped has made you anxious about having sex. I think this is quite common. But it may only be temporary. If he reacted in the best way possible, how would that be? What would have to have happened in order to make the best outcome more likely?

[complicated]

Im 16, and i was raped by a friend i trusted after a night out. It was my first time and it's been ruined and i now feel sick when i think about sex at all. It's been about 8 months from it and im still not over it. I couldn't sleep after it happened and even now there are some days i just want to kill myself to forget what happened. I can act happy and fine when im sober but everytime i get drink in me it all comes out. This week one of my friends who heard about it from me,one night when i was drunk has started telling people in his school and if everyone finds out i don't know how im going to deal. Im trying to move on and make a new life but everytime i get a little better , i get reminded of it. I can't trust people anymore and i can't have as much fun as i used to. I just want to be me again and be happy.

[Guest]

It's been about 8 months from it and im still not over it. I couldn't sleep after it happened and even now there are some days i just want to kill myself to forget what happened.

Hi Hon, I'm truly sorry to hear about what happened to you, I think you're very young and you definitely need to get help, you should talk to a rape counsuelor.
There are lots of places where you can get in touch with people willing to help, I belong to Pandy's organization, but I'm sure in here you're going to be just fine.

Take gentle care of you.