Bit of a meltdown.

[Amre]

This pup is freaking awesome! He ****s everywhere and i don't even care, i just clean it up and move on! I wouldn't even tolerate that from my offspring!
He sleeps in my bed and everything! He's great company and walking the little beast three times a day has been good for the old mentalistism (that should be a word)
He's getting huge though growing like a weed!
I got his testicals to the side of the face the other day when he tried to jump over my head. Once we fix that we will be grand!

[Amre]

Testing my new picture!

[Saffron]

He's adorable Amre!

[RFLH]

a face full of mischief!

[Rights Fighter]

Awww bless his furry paws!!!!

[Amre]

Still have my awesome dog but i am now living in my mothers house for the next 2 months after the corrective surgery to fix my foot. Combating post surgery boredom is so hard and thank god for the internet! Bored out of my tree and its only been 3 days. Been a year soon since my husband an I split up and im in no rush to change that aspect of my life.
Getting less panic attacks now too, and thats gotta be a good sign. Decided to sign up for a course in September so fingers crossed i don't spaz out before then. I keep thinking im still in my 20s, i can deal with this and have a life. I think thats one of the hardest things to deal with when you have mental problems, knowing that you used to be normal. I look back at my life before and i was so carefree, but fear infects people like a plague. I know i will never be the girl i was, but id settle for walking to the shop without scanning the face of every person I pass with my hyper vigilant face recognition software. I still see him everywhere, but then i still saw him even when he was in jail. I know that the last 6 years of my life have been a living hell and I just cant take it if the next 8 years are the same. I don't want to be afraid anymore. I don't pray for money or material things, i just pray for strength. The hardest thing to come to terms with was the revelation that i couldn't protect myself. I know all the buzz words "not my fault" bla bla bla but the truth is its scary to know that you cant physically protect yourself, it leaves you weak and that weakness is what i fear the most. I wish i could shed that part of me like a snake sheds its skin and sometimes i wish i was more angry. I don't want my attacker dead, or i don't want to see my attacker raped, i dont want to see anyone in pain and revenge is a truly alien concept to me and i fear that is just pure weakness, right down to my core.
So here i am, in my childhood home, in bed with a ghastly boot holding my foot in place, thinking about the happy girl i used to be.
I do love having a dog though, and hes a big beast of a dog now. I feel safer knowing hes with me and THAT is gods hand at work. I think he'd protect me from anyone that tried to hurt me again and being licked to death by an over excited humungous puppy would be a terrible way to go. On wards and up wards eh?

Combating post surgery boredom is so hard and thank god for the internet!

[Saffron]

Amre, you are not weak! You are a very brave person.
Courage is all about acknowledging your fears and facing them anyway. It isn't about being fearless. Fearlessness is stupid.
Sometimes we all need to take a look back in order to really understand how far we have come.
I hope your foot recovers soon.

[RFLH]

I second what Saffron says - you are far from being weak - unlike your foot!

I envy you your dog, I miss mine, you feel safe and loved with a dog and you know where you are - usually behind with a poop scoop ...... you are doing brilliantly, you may be back where yu startefd, but that's only for a short while I'm sure, until you're sorted.

[Amre]

Thanks guys.