x wife raped

[fleety]

ok so me and my x wife have one of those ok divorces, she re-married but is now going threw a divorce with him. After time alone she met up with a male friend of 15 years. he basically got her drunk and then took her back to his place were it all happened. The last thing she remembers is crying and getting dressed. The next day it clicked into place as she was sore in places... but she had never had intensions of ever slepping with this man. She is now in a right mess over what has happened and I dont know how to help her. Shes had all the medical test, morning after pill and told the polce but shes in a state. At the end of the day shes just a vunerable person that needs to know how & how too trust people.

[maria]

hi fleety it is so nice to no your ex wife has you as a friend she will need all the support that she she can get from you try coax her into going to the police and getting counceling she must not let this guy get away with it he could do it to someone else keep us informed to how she is doing take care x

[diana_holbourn]

Sorry to hear about that. It can be much harder for a person to trust again when they thought the rapist was a friend. If you're there for her, it should at least help.

You may find much of the advice in a thread that was posted a few months ago helpful. A man asked for advice to help his fiancee, so the replies were about helping partners. But it should still be relevant to you. The thread's here: http://www.broadcaster.org.uk/invision_for...112&hl=partners

[Snoopyseed]

Hi there, im so sorry that this has happened to your partner but its very good to see that you care so much that you emailing in for help and advice.
Firstly she needs a big supprt system, the bigger the better,I would suggest you start off first by going to see a GP and asking for a refferal for counselling, tests have shown that if counselling is applied early on after a trauma then it reduces the chances of post traumatic stress disorder and severe depressions later on.There are also many private counsellors out there that can help to find a qualified and accredited one try looking through the british complimentary medical association for one in your area.Then you could try asking your partner what it is she wants to do, does she really want to go to a trial? does she want to sit at home for a while? be with friends , family?
By asking your partner and letting her know you will be there for her no matter what and that you beleive what she is saying, that is going to do all the good in the world.Right now she probably juts wants to be beleived.Try to let her have her space if she needs and and ask her how she feels.Dont be offended either if she pushes you away if you try to cuddle her, its normal for survivors to feel this way after anh attack, and you too can have counselling in order to discover ways to help you cope.
Their is also a book that would help her called You Can Heal Your Life by Louise L Hay, it may be a bit too soon for that now but definatly i would sugesst this for later on.
She has done the right thing so far regarding the police and medical advice, but also have you been reffered to Victim Support?
They should be able to help you and let you know what going to court is like.
There are also other support groups such as rape support groups over the internet, or your GP may know of groups in your area, where your partnber could go and chat to other survivors.
There is also the rape crisis centres and phone lines you can call for further support and help.
The best thing you can do for her right now though is exactrly what you are doing, and thats being there.By being there you are letting her know that you not only beleive her but you are there to hold her hands through everything.
Good luck and well done for being so supportive.

Apologies for the delay in responding, ive just moved house.
Blessings
Snoopy