ive been raped

[emy2005]

I dont know how i feel, I feel awful. I feel like no one understands the pain I am going through thats why i came here. I have been with my boyfriend for nearly a yr and i really dont know how ive coped. I just wanna cry but i cant even do that my mum said to me once that it was my fault and i deserved it and ever since ive believed her even though she said sorry for it
He was my friend, i suppose like a father figure I talked to him about everything and he betrayed me in the end. Theres lots I dont understand, I wrote a poem in the poem section if you want to have a read. Its like I'm trying to say it to him there are so many unanswered questions that will never be answered i just need someone who knows my pain
please dont hesitate to email me because i would be more than welcome to tlk to someone who knows how im feeling

[Snoopyseed]

Hello emy, i understand how you feel as i am a survivor of rape myself.What your mum said was completly out of order and wrong which im guessing thats the reason she apologised for it, sometimes people say the wrong thing because they are angry, not at you but at themselves for not being there, afterall you are her daughter and mums always feel responsible for not 'being there' when things go wrong.I suggest you take her comment and brush it aside as hard as it is, simply because its now how your mum really feels.Besides this is not about your mum either this is about you.The recovery road is long and painful and each step that you take can feel sometimes like you are walking backwards, it will take a long time to get to the top of the hill so to speak! but it doesnt mean that you wont get there, on the contrary, you are writing poems and expressing how you feel, this all contributes to you getting your feelings off your chest and is in itself therapy.
What you really need though is a proper support network, know that you are not alone and that there are many people and organisations out there that can help you and want to help you, the only thing is they cant help you if you dont ask for that help.
You dont need to have anyone support you while you ask for help, nor do you need anyones permission, all it takes is a trip to a caring GP or a helpline such as a local rape crisis line, and you will instantly be guided to sources of support in your area.The bigger your support network built up around you the better, you can also ask your GP for a refferal to a counsellor or psychologist to help you heal and take further steps down this painful road, please know that you are not on your own and there are people outthere who can and will help, all you have to do is reach out!
As for your poetry and coming on here to say how you feel, they are all acts of bravery and shows strong character, let that inspire you to pick up the phone and call for yet more sources of help and support, remember also that you are not to blame for what has hapened.
Good luck, you should find many numbers in your local yellow pages or google a search for assistance.
Blessings
Snoopy

[Angel]

Hi, really sorry to hear what has happened to you. I know it must be very difficult for you, but you must remain strong. I understand you would like some advice on court proceeding. I have a vast amount of knowledge in this area and would be happy to advice you in the best possible way.

Pls e-mail me on angel_harbour@yahoo.co.uk.

I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Kindest Regards... Angel.

[webmoo]

Hi emy,

Welcome to the forum, and I do hope we can offer you some good support here. I've read your poem (http://www.broadcaster.org.uk/invision_for...findpost&p=1241 for others) - wow, there's a lot of hurt there, and I really feel for you. It's good that you are able to talk about it - it takes courage to accept what happened and not to just pretend it didn't - well done.

All the best,

P