im new

[A_M]

hi im not very good at riting down how i feel so ill do the bes i can but sorry if it makes no sense.
I?m just turned 17 and nearly 2 years ago I was *****
Im just so confused about it, I remember things form when it actually happened but I cant remember where I was, what the date was exactly or the day after. And the person was just like a shadow as it was dark.
At first I didn?t think about it at all, I even got to the point my period was like 9 or 12 weeks late and I thought I was pregnant and it still never crossed my mind HOW I got like that.
I ended up I wasn?t pregnant and I did think about how it happened and I remembered the ****. But I still cant remember so much of it and I don?t know why.
I never told my mum or any1 as our family have a lot going on and she doesn?t need this as well.
Why was I so stupid in the first place? I shouldn?t have been drinking at the age of 15 its all my own flaming fault. Im so stupid and I cant even remember it all. Im such an idiot. I probably got what I deserved.

[vikki]

Hey i am new to this whole thing as well, feels kind of strange talking about this to someone i dont even knoe when i cant even talk to my family about it! i am 19 and it happened to me last christmas. i went to the police and my case is going to court this year! im so sorry to hear that this happened to you when you were so young. this happenes to most women when they are drunk. i was drunk. but it doesn't matter. as soon as you say no you have made up your mind and anything after that is no longer within your power. you probably feel like your over reacting or imagining things but your not.i feel like that all the time but you just have to remember as soo as you said no he should have stopped. obviously its too late to go to the police but maybe talking to your mum about it would help. or even seeing a therapist. i have 2 and they are great, your family will help you much more though i dont know how you have coped by yourself for so long.dont be ashamed it was NOT your fault. everyone drinks at 15 it doesnt give anyone the right to do that to you nobody deserves to be put through such a awful ordeal. i hope your ok and are getting on with your life. the best thing you can do is to talk about it and teach others how to deal with it x x

[A_M]

i told a friend and she is going to meet up with me to talk about it. im so scares i dont think i can go into all the details. i dont no wat to say. wen she asked me wen it happened it took me so long to answer(i no thats daft) its like its worse saying it out loud.
wat u said about it being out of ur control wen u say no, wel wat if i didnt try hard enough to stop it. i could have given the rong impression, therefore it was my own fault for not being stronger.
i really cant tell my mum, my wee bro isnt well and she has a hard enuf time dealing with that - she doesnt need me to add to it all. (im the one in the family who's the 'strong' one that can cope with anything flung at her (apparently) )

[diana_holbourn]

He should have had more respect than to try to have sex with you when you were drunk anyway! He probably thought he could take advantage, which was very selfish and irresponsible of him, considering that you could have got pregnant and you weren't in a fit state to make a well-judged decision as to whether you wanted to have sex with him! He would have known those things! His behaviour was disgusting and he would have known it! You can't blame yourself in any way!

Perhaps the reason you didn't put up more of a fight was because you were so drunk that you didn't care at the time, or you were in so much shock and surprise at what was going on that you just couldn't think what to do, or you were worried he would get violent if you did. Whatever the reason, that didn't give him an excuse to do what he did! He would have known it was irresponsible. It was a selfish, uncaring, cruel thing to do! He may have even spiked your drink and planned it all along!

It might help you to talk to Rape Crisis. There are a list of helpline numbers for their various branches Here.

[marieke]

QUOTE: (im the one in the family who's the 'strong' one that can cope with anything flung at her (apparently)

Dear A. M.

I know just what it is to put on the "happy face" and "strong gal" mask and pretend all day long I am in control, even for the friend who know what happened to me.
But sweetie (an I call you sweetie? , I call everybody that) you don't have to be as thick skinned as Tarantino's Bride character, we all have our flaws and cannot be strong all the time.
I find it very nice of you to spare your family the trouble, but you are dealing with some heavy stuff. You can be resilient and overcome it (don't let anyone tell you you u are destined to be a wreck for the rest of your lifetime).
But you need to allow yourself the right to be weak and need help for some time.

I didn't and I'm a mess. please don't make the same mistake I did.
I wish you all the very best at overcoming this
Kss

Marieke

[Rachel]

A M. I'm so sorry this has happened to you. I was 21 when it happened to me and I found it hard to deal with. But with the support of my family I am getting through. I know you say your mum doesn't need extra pressure with this but I feel it will help you as well as her if you told her. I thought this, mum lost my dad when I was young has brought her 3 teenages of her own (I'm the youngest) and I really thought this would be to much to tell her. BUT I did and she was so supportive. In her words (Mum's can deal with anything thats what I'm here for). Her knowning has given me the strength to come to terms with it all. It was hard to tell her but it was a wait of my mind.
If you really can't talk to her about then I'm always willing to listen if you want to talk about it. Dealing with this needs lots of support, I tried it on my own and fell to pieces. It's not easy but you will do it. Even now I still have difficult moments but I've got the love and support from family and my loving boyfriend that I'm beating it.
YOU CAN AND WILL BE HAPPY AGAIN. I PROMISE.

If you want to talk most a message and I'll get back to you.