im not sure if i can do this much longer...

[cwhitee]

hey everyone.

I am 16 years old and a few months ago i was raped by an older guy. I never reported it and now the guy has moved to a completely different country. I suffered lots of physical injuries and had to get stitches, antibiotics etc. I am recovering physically but i don't think i am recovering mentally. I don't go out the house unless i have to go to college and even when im at college i am terrified. I find it difficult to be in the same company as guys and i am suffering from really bad nightmares and im lucky if i get a few hours sleep each night. I went to counseling a few times but i didn't find it any help atall. Please someone help

[Davey]

So sorry to hear what happened to you cwhitee.

I suggest you try a different counsillor perhaps the one you talked to was not so good, also you could tell your friends/family about what happened if you havn't already. also there are lots of forums on the web that deal with rape situations, I just joined this one today and to be honest it seems a bit quiet, not many posts for a while I mean.

I know getting over traumatic events takes a lot of time and effort, you have to be honest and talk about and write down the things you have gone through. It took me a lot of effort to get back out there after I was raped.

There is lots of help out there if you look for it, rape support groups, helplines. Please get the help you need and in time you will feel stronger and more like you felt before I can promise you that.

[RFLH]

Thanks for your reply Davey.

Hopefully Friday will be along soon, I'm sure she will have helpful advice and information for you.

I'm sorry that you are feeling this way cwhitee - have you tried the Samaritans?

[cwhitee]

Thanks Devey i really appreciate your help. That made me feel a bit better reading your reply.

RFLH - I have tried samaritans a few times but it didn't work for me im afraid

[RFLH]

I'm sorry counselling wasn't for you.

Well done on still going to college - that's extremely brave of you. Is there anyone there that you trust enough to talk to - I'm not sure if they have head of year or similar now.

Are you able to talk to your mum about this?

[friday]

Hi and welcome. I hope you get the support you need.

I was the same age as you when I was raped and at 16 you are just growing into yourself, deciding what you want to do with your life, what kind of person you are going to be etc. There is a lot going on even without being raped. I know it sounds cliche but you have your whole life ahead of you and you will come through this stronger and more resilient than many other people your age. Be aware that having experienced something like this can make you feel so much older than your friends. It can be a good thing because it will make you more responsible and able to see the bigger picture but at times it can make you feel sad because you can't just be carefree like other people. You will be able to get that fun and carefree nature back but it will take time. You need to heal.

I don't know how much support you have (friends, family etc) but speaking is invaluable, even though it is difficult. I don't know if you have tried RASASC (www.rapecrisis.org.uk - 020 8683 3311 or 08451 221 331) I only contacted them to talk through court procedure but they were helpful and reasurring. I think they do counselling (and maybe telephone counselling) and they will be able to tell you what resources are in your area. They might be better to talk to than the samaritans because they are more used to talking about rape.

It is amazing that you are still going to college. What are you studying? Don't beat yourself up if you can't make it some days, you will have good days and bad days but getting mad at yourself for the bad days will only make them come more often. If you feel comfortable you could speak to your head of year/tutor as RFLH suggested but you may not want to do that. If you do want to you could always just say you were a victim of a serious crime but not say it is rape (this is what I did).

Overall the thing you need to always remember is that whatever you do know is YOUR choice. He has no control over you now. You can move forward and live the life you want. It will get worse as you work through the anger, hurt, fear etc but there is light at the end of the tunnel. It won't be easy but it will be worth it.

[Phoenix]

I cried when I read your post, It's heartbreaking how you get affected by rape.

There's no easy answers I can give (I was raped at 18 and it's taken me 12 years to start getting over it properly).

You are a precious person and your life is worth more than the despair you feel inside.

If only there WERE easy answers!

Someone who's never BEEN raped - however kind and sympathetic they feel and how much they try to help - will never understand what it's like.

A part of you does die inside, I think.

But you've got to hold on, look forward and not let this scumbag dominate your life.

I can only offer you words, a virtual hug and kiss and just say that there's always hope even in the darkest night.

Whatever you do DON'T do anything stupid.

Please, I mean it; if you hang on in there it DOES get a little easier to bear.

You need to keep your friends and family close about you.

You also need to learn to trust other people.

God knows, it's not easy.

I don't know if you're a religious believer or not (I'm a Christian myself) but I hope you won't mind or be offended if I say a prayer for you.

Love and strength!

[mouse]

I'm not sure if I can do this much longer.....

Hi and welcome. I hope you get the support you need.

I was the same age as you when I was raped and at 16 you are just growing into yourself, deciding what you want to do with your life, what kind of person you are going to be etc. There is a lot going on even without being raped. I know it sounds cliche but you have your whole life ahead of you and you will come through this stronger and more resilient than many other people your age. Be aware that having experienced something like this can make you feel so much older than your friends. It can be a good thing because it will make you more responsible and able to see the bigger picture but at times it can make you feel sad because you can't just be carefree like other people. You will be able to get that fun and carefree nature back but it will take time. You need to heal.

I don't know how much support you have (friends, family etc) but speaking is invaluable, even though it is difficult. I don't know if you have tried RASASC (www.rapecrisis.org.uk - 020 8683 3311 or 08451 221 331) I only contacted them to talk through court procedure but they were helpful and reasurring. I think they do counselling (and maybe telephone counselling) and they will be able to tell you what resources are in your area. They might be better to talk to than the samaritans because they are more used to talking about rape.

It is amazing that you are still going to college. What are you studying? Don't beat yourself up if you can't make it some days, you will have good days and bad days but getting mad at yourself for the bad days will only make them come more often. If you feel comfortable you could speak to your head of year/tutor as RFLH suggested but you may not want to do that. If you do want to you could always just say you were a victim of a serious crime but not say it is rape (this is what I did).

Overall the thing you need to always remember is that whatever you do know is YOUR choice. He has no control over you now. You can move forward and live the life you want. It will get worse as you work through the anger, hurt, fear etc but there is light at the end of the tunnel. It won't be easy but it will be worth it.

'From Mouse,
Just wanted to say how immensly brave you are and hope you can work through this, it is so important to be able to talk about it with someone who is sympathtic.
Although I try and help on here most of my experience is from the other side of the coin so I can't even pretend to know what you are gong through and still managing to cope so well. There is so much I would like to say to you but I expect its like anyone you meet now who knows, I'm scared of saying the wrong thing or putting my foot in it and causing you more hurt. It's worth remembering this with those around you as they are probably all 'walking on egg shells' even if they don't know facts they will know something is wrong and whilst its hard to say, the reaching out to make friends and connections will need to come from you. Hope I have not offended or hurt you in saying this but there are lots of people who will want to be your friend, try not to push them away as they are your future. I do so hope you have a fantastic life from here on. It's there for you to take and with your strengths you can do anything' Lotsa love and Lotsa good wishes

[Saffron]

Thanks Mouse, Friday and Phoenix for such wonderful support to our new member xx