raped by my ex-partner

[tara]

Hi again - thanks for all your help as always it means so much to me! I had no idea that I could go down the route of organising an injunction in such a way. Something strange happened the other day - the police turned up at my mothers saying they had found his car abopndoned on the M1 and that the vehicle was registered to me - they were then very inquisative as to where I live now - I told them no fixed abode - dont want anyone to know dont trust anyone - they acted very strange too - saying they were concerned for my safety and had to come and see that i was ok and that my ex hadnt escaped - what kind of statement is that??
I know my ex has friends in the police and a brother in law in CID - this scares me -

My ex is in court again on fri - 18th - not sure whether it is because of me or the GBH he is up against - they just dont seem to know - dont get me wrong CID have been very helpful but I dont feel that they are up to speed with everything - one min they tell me that this is a very intense case and could take up to two years to end the next they tell me due to illness they are a month behind

Im worried cause I feel like nobody really has the full control of this case and something like this (communication) wil let it down -

Regarding victim support - yes they have offered me it but to be honest I went to see somebody once and really I didnt find them very helpful - I want this man locked up or else im dead - thats my only concern and for my family - I am strong enough to go through this now - I have no choice - but I agree wth what your saying I really should be advised certain things etc... I would be nice to get an update when necessary -

thanks - also has anybody heard from angel? I hope everything sorted itself out!

[val lavender]

Hi Tara

if the police are not keeping you up to date with the situation you have every right to complain. Just ring their headquarters number and ask to speak to their professional standards department and explain the situation to them.

If your ex has registered a car in your name you should be careful that he has not used your name and details for any other purpose. You should contact your bank and ensure tthat your accounts are soley in your name and change any passwords or pin numbers that he may have known.

Apparently Angel is out of the woods as far as being arrested for attempting to pervert thr course of justice is concerned and was on TV recently and gace Tony Blair a fairly rough ride.

I hope everything works out for you, please let us know if we can help in any way and keep us posted as too how tings turn out.


Regards

[Kat]

Hey Tara how r u doing? Hey your ex should b the one in jail and we all know it. u did nothing Tara he did it all and he is so mean to say that 2 u. I luv u hunn Hope 2 c u soon ok. Get well soon!
Love always n 4 eva,
Kat

[tara]

Hi there all! the date is drawing near - I will be standing in court on the 9th absolutly petrified, but I know that I must do this to survive he will come for me if he gets out I have got to do my best and be strong.

I have decided that I dont want my family there - I cant handle the thought of them having to listen to what that anaimal did to me over a ten month period where I kept it all quiet until finally it all got too much.

The trial is going to last for two weeks - is this normal? it seems such a long time.

Aparantly he has got a witness to make a statement that I have accused someone of rape before - how ridiculous - never have I accused someone of rape before. I am so concerned that he has got all these people to lie for him and I cant stand up for myself as I wont know whats going on - I have to make my statement on the stand then leave - this is so unfair!!! I cant help but think hes going to get away with this - i am so scared hes been in there since october but if he gets out my life is over Im so scared for my family he has to be convicted ....

Also CID wont let me have a copy of my statement why is this???

thank you for all your support through all of this i will keep you updated xx and so sorry to go on but without mailing you guys i think i would have gone mad

[Stacey]

Tara, I really feel for what you're going through. I might have to go to court soon as well. Please take comfort in the fact that your experience is so helpful to me, so I would like to know how it all goes for you!
You;ve been so strong to get this far, and yes, it will be hard, but it's been hard all along, you just need to hold on a bit longer. I would love to say that the truth will win out but this isn't always true....But you are doing all that you possibly can within a very very flawed system. My thoughts are with you for the 9th, keep in touch xxx

[maria]

hi tara just wanted to say good luck for the 9th stay strong if your lucky he will plead quilty because he is or be pressured into taking a plea bargain and beleive me they do pressure to take one i know this as a fact because they do it to innocent people as well so either way he wont get away with it let us know how you get on xoxoxoxox

[val lavender]

Hi Tara

the police hold previous allegations on file and his defence will presumably have asked for the disclosure of any such events.

If you have never made any previous allegations of this nature there will be nothing disclosed and the credibilty of his witnesses severely compromised.

Two weeks is the long side of average but about right if the case is complex.

Hon est soir qui mal est pense


Regards

[tara]

courts coming up and im going out of my mind with nightmares - what can i do? all i can see is his face and im screaming with fear in my dreams - he keeps coming for me - i cant help but think hes going to get away with this - i feel so anxious all i seem to do at the moment is cry - i dont know how im going to cope with the trial - they say i may be stood for at least two days constant i dont think i can handle it - trying to stay strong but its becoming so difficult. I keep falling out with my family and firends cause nothin else really matters or everything is too much i dont know what really. im so scared

[maria]

hi tara you sound like your having a rough time its easy to say stay strong but harder to do it but when the day comes and you have to relive this nightmare you will find inner strength i'm sure put this guy away so you can move on if you don't he could do it to someone else please tara he has taken some of your life away don't let him take anymore YOU CAN DO IT keep us intouch so we know your ok take care xoxox

[diana_holbourn]

You could try doing relaxation techniques several times a day, like slow breathing exercises, and trying to focus all your thoughts on counting as you breathe in and out or something, especially when you go to bed, to try to keep troubling thoughts away in the hope that you'll sleep better.

If you can relax a bit, you could try imagining what they might say to you in court and rehearsing your replies, focusing on the things you'd like to say, rather than worrying about the questions more than thinking about the replies.

If you're very anxious and cry on the witness stand, it may actually be a point in your favour, because it might make the jury more sympathetic and likely to believe you.

If he's acquitted, and starts sending you any threatening emails or letters or anything like that, I'd suggest you take copies of them all to the police. They may be able to get him charged with harassment or stalking or something.

Still, let's hope it doesn't come to that.

[tara]

Hi all!!! The nightmare is over but without justice!

Your not going to believe this - as I still cant. On Friday afternoon I had a call from witness services to hear that my ex had pleaded guilty and that I was no longer required at court. Naturally this was a great shok to me but pleasing.

Although things are not what they seem - within one hour of the call I received a call from CID they told me that the case was going to be thrown out and that CPS and the judge came to the decision to terminate the prosecution.

What I dont understand is why my ex partner then pleaded guilty to harrasment and assault - he got ten months for this although he has been on remand for 7. Furthermore he pleaded guilty to another charge of GBH to somebody else and got 15 months for this. They say he will be out in two weeks time. This is so unfair such unjustice.

I asked why the case collapsed - they told me that they have no evidence of bruising according to injuries I mentioned in my statement on the night of the rape- I cannot understand how this can be as diagrams were drawn and bruises measured on all of my body during the medical examination - they say they have no record of this - even my mother whom was with me at the time of the examination remembers this - they claim that they have no such evidence. I made enquiries at the time re photographs but they said only diagrams need to be drawn.

Fruther more regarding the video I mentioned before - they claim that in a part of the video (during our relationship) I said stop and he did - this is ridiculous that this could go against me - it was during our relationship not the night in question.

Another point is I have a company car witha tracker which I informed the police about over 3 months ago - approx 6 weeks ago they requested a statement as to why my car was at my ex partners house on occasions throughout the relationship - I made a statement explaining that I have never denied this and that I was infact living with my ex for a period of time - which they were already aware of the times I was there after the relationship ended was when I was in some much fear that until I finally ran he would threaten me to hurt me or my family if I didnt d as he said - I spent ten months living with this fear and had no control of my life at all - he owned me and everything I did. CPS were satisfied with this.

Nothing makes sense I feel that this has been completly destroyed by either misconduct or negligence and I cannot get any answers all the points they mentioned they were aware of from the beginning how can they hold somebody on remand for a period of 7 months and decide one day before court that they will not be going ahead.

If it was the case that he would be aquited then why would it be necessary for him to plead guilty to anything - it doesnt make sense.

I know that sometimes if the defendant pleads guilty he can get a lesser charge and lesser sentence but according to the CID it was only going to get thrown out - so how if that is the case they could get him to plead guilty to harrasment and assault.

TARA

[diana_holbourn]

That sounds appalling to me. No wonder the conviction rate for rape is so low if this kind of thing keeps happening, when defence lawyers are far more interested in getting good deals for their clients than in real justice that gets dangerous people locked up! Maybe the prosecution thought that he'd probably be acquitted if he was charged with rape because the defence could try to convince the jury that if there was any bruising at all, you and him were just playing sado-masochistic games, and so he'd be acquitted; and so they dropped the rape charge so they'd be more likely to be able to get him convicted with something at least, assault. I think they do that sometimes. And maybe they told him they'd drop the rape charge in return for him pleading guilty to that.

But it seems strange that they would say they didn't have any evidence of the bruising and wait till the last minute before dropping the charges. I think you ought to complain to the CPS.

[tara]

yes it is strange - somebody screwed up I think or like you said you other possible point. Even so I am making sure that things have been done correctly seeing a solicitor, writing to persons necessary.

Im so angry it really makes you wonder what this system is all about - there was so much evidence against him, previous etc... I have never in my life commited a crime but yet somebody like him gets away with it - I also cant help but think that the relative he has in the ofrce has something to do with it?

[Saffron]

Originally posted by tara@11th May 2005 - 03:03 PM
yes it is strange - somebody screwed up I think or like you said you other possible point. Even so I am making sure that things have been done correctly seeing a solicitor, writing to persons necessary.

Im so angry it really makes you wonder what this system is all about - there was so much evidence against him, previous etc... I have never in my life commited a crime but yet somebody like him gets away with it - I also cant help but think that the relative he has in the ofrce has something to do with it?

Quoted post

Hi Tara

I am shocked at this. If he has a relative in the Force, I would almost certainly say that has something to do with it. If they took diagrams of your bruising etc, where have they gone? how could they possibly have mislaid such important documents? It wouldn't surprise me in the slightest if the records have "gone missing".

Yet again, it seems as though it's the innocent people who are being punished and the truly guilty ones get away scott free. this really makes my blood boil. If you have the strength, you should definitely complain to the CPS and the Police complaints commission. this seems to be gross negligence.

Thoughts with you.

[val lavender]

Hi All

there is a right of appeal against any CPS decision, if you contavt any CPS region they will tell you about how you access this process, which is also covered in the CPS booklet "The Code For Crown Prosecutors".

Whilst it is more usual for people who have been found innocent to appeal the fact that they were taken to court in the first place it does work both ways.

You can get a copy of the CPS Code by calling 0207 796 8351 or send a complaint directly to complaints@cps.gov.uk.

I hope this info is of some use


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