just need to vent...

[sparkleandfade]

I just had to tell someone this im too scared to go to the police. when i was younger i was sexually abused by my cousin. i was about 4 or 5 at the time and he must've been about 17...im not sure. i can remember him touching me and i can remember feeling really really unconfortable around him but i didnt say anything. i dunno why i just thought it was normal and I kind of forgot about it. But when i was 15 i started remembering it again and i told my best friend to get it out of my head. We never see him so i didnt worry about it too much. but a little while ago i met him in town and he said he was going to come round. I didn't want him to but i didn't say anything. When he did come round my parents were at work. He said that he'd wait for them and i went up to my room. then he came into my room and put his hand up my skirt and started fingering me. i dont know why i didnt scream or do anything it was like it wasnt real then he turned me aroundpushed me onto my bed held my head down and raped me. i started screaming becuase of the pain and i was terrified when he was done he said not to tell my parents and that i was a good girl. i didnt know what to do i didnt really think i just stayed there too scared to move and i didnt want to move because it hurt too much. i felt like a thing. i didnt even cry because i couldnt i felt numb and i still do.
ive started having really bad nightmares. i hate going to sleep because i know i'll have a nightmare. they're always about me when i was a kid running around my house and then a man comes in and lifts me onto the bed and says dont tell your parents.
I can't tell anyone and i feel really trapped and used and disgusting. but im thinking if i do tell anyone i dont have any proof because i dont have any marks and i didnt fight back.
i told my best friend a week ago. I was over his house and I had a panic attack. i couldnt stop shaking and panting and he got really scared and made me tell him. then he said i have to tell the police and what if he does it to someone else and he got really mad at me.
but I really cant tell the police. I couldn't stand the thought of them staring at me. I'm really confuzed and I dont know. I'm just completely numb. I dont have any emotions left.

[Snoopyseed]

Hello hun, im so sorry to hear of your distress and i want to let you know that you have my thoughts with you.First things first you have been raped here, and by someone who is in a position of trust, plus a family member.This is a crime, its illegal, and the cousin involved can go to prison.If you cannot face reporting this person it is really a good idea to have a chat with an organisation such as The Sapphire, or a Rape Crisis Centre near you.The best bet would be to go to your doctor and tell them what has happened, so that you can get some counselling.What you tell your counsellor is completly confidential and with your counsellor you can discuss these issues and once you feel a bit stronger then decide if you would like to press charges.
It's horrible to have been raped. Sometimes a person doesn't want to think or talk about a horrible experience. Sometimes it seems a whole lot easier to try to forget about it or put it behind you. Sometimes all the bad feelings that can go along with rape make it seem even harder to go for help. But as hard as it might seem to get help, you need to do it anyway. Rape is a very traumatic experience - both physically and emotionally. If you have been raped, you need and deserve to get care immediately. Getting the right attention, care, and support right away helps the healing begin and can prevent lingering problems later on.
You may be suffering from what is known as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.This disorder makes you have flasbacks gives you triggers that make you remeber the incident through places,sights,sounds,smells,taste ect.you go out of your way to avoid thes triggers.It also leaves you panicky and restless,nightmares,lethargy,depression.horror and helplessness a reliving of the event each day that leads to gradual deterioration in an individual,suicide and ill health.You must get medical advice for this. There's no way to put it nicely. Rape is horrible. Rape is forced, unwanted sexual intercourse. Rape is sometimes also called sexual assault

It's a crime, whether the person committing it is a stranger, a date, an acquaintance, or a family member. Rape can happen to someone of any age, male or female. Rape can involve actual force or violence - or the threat of it. Rape is a frightening and traumatizing experience, and people who have been raped need care, comfort, and healing. If you have been raped, you need to know that it wasn't your fault, and you need to know what to do to get help and care. Know, too, that there are people who can help you, and that you can heal from this experienceMaybe the rapist was a stranger. Or the rapist was someone you thought you knew. Sometimes what ended as a rape started out as something social, like a date. There may have been drugs involved - or alcohol.Someone who has been raped might feel a lot of things: angry, degraded, frightened, depressed, and confused. Someone who has been raped might feel dirty, ashamed, and embarrassed. Like it should be a secret or like it was his or her fault.Whatever the circumstances, no one has the right to have sex with you against your will.
Whatever happened, it wasn't your fault.
Someone who has been raped needs to seek help and attention immediately. Don't be concerned about protecting the person who raped you. You need to protect yourself. .
At this stage you may not want to report it to the police but sexual violence is a serious criminal offence and you can, if you want your perpetrator to be prosecuted, report the crime to the police.
Have a word with your GP about seeking a counsellor or thye may be able to refer you.Also please mention the symptoms you are experiencing as i feel very strongly that it could be Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, for which there is a lot of help available so you dont need to suffer in silence,Please dont suffer with this on your own, you could even get the friend that supported you when you told them to go along with you to the doctors, or you could get them to cal;l an agency like The Sapphire for further advice.Please whatever you do, do something, standing by and not getting help for yourself is the worst thing you can do, build yourself up first emotionally and then think about making a offical complaint.I hope that it all works out for you.Remeber that the symptoms you are expereincing are completly normal, and part of the healing process.Be strong and take control of the situation, the sooner you do this the sooner you will begin to feel in control and recover quicker.Good luck hun and well done for being so courageous and writing in to this forum, you can contact me any time via this board.
Snoopy

[diana_holbourn]

Sparkleandfade,

It might be a good idea for you to buy one of those attack alarms that screech loudly when you press the top down, and keep it with you in case you meet him again in town. It might scare him away because it would draw attention to you. Snoopy might be able to give you advice on where to get one.

Also, perhaps you ought to practice and meditate on self-defence techniques. There are a good set of tips on things to do when attacked here:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/crime/prevention/selfdefence.shtml

I know sometimes it's difficult because people can just freeze when they're attacked, but if you think a lot about them, maybe the techniques will come more naturally.

There might not be enough evidence to report him to the police on your own, but rapists tend to be serial offenders - they usually attack several people over a period of time, and fantasize about attacking people in the meantime. If he's attacked other people in your family or friends and you discover it, then maybe if you went to the police as a group, the fact that you could all back each other up with similar accounts might be seen as evidence that was good enough to take him to court, and you might be more confident about telling your story if people were backing you up with similar stories. Did you see him more often when you were young? If so, did you have any friends who just stopped coming around to see you when he was there with no good explanation, or who seemed uncomfortable when he was around? Do you have any family members who try to avoid him or didn't seem to come to see you when he was there, maybe making excuses for not coming? Do any of your family members or former friends seem to have mental problems or trouble in holding down relationships? These are rhetorical questions - I'm not asking because I personally want an answer, but they're things that might be worth thinking about because they might be sighns that he may have sexually abused them, although not necessarily.

However, it might be worth discretely asking other family members and friends if they have ever had bad experiences with him. Perhaps you could just ask them at first, "Did ***** ever touch you in a way that made you feel uncomfortable?" You wouldn't have to tell them about your own experience at first if you didn't want to; maybe you could just say you know of someone who says they used to be touched by him in a sexual way that made them feel uncomfortable and you're wondering if he's a danger to others who ought to be reported, and say you'd rather not say any more at the moment because you'd prefer to keep it private for the time being. Later you could say the person's you and tell them more if they've had similar experiences or you feel comfortable about doing so. Then if you do find that others have had similarly bad experiences with him, you could ask them whether they'd be willing to take him to court over them.

Also, maybe you could look up information on sex offender treatment programmes, print out some information and carry it on you, and if you ever meet him again, give it to him and tell him to consider the information, saying that he may need help, and if he doesn't go on a programme, one day, he'll probably end up in prison.

[Snoopyseed]

Originally posted by diana_holbourn@16th October 2004 - 11:59 AM
Sparkleandfade,

It might be a good idea for you to buy one of those attack alarms that screech loudly when you press the top down, and keep it with you in case you meet him again in town. It might scare him away because it would draw attention to you. Snoopy might be able to give you advice on where to get one.

Quoted post

Hello i sure can give a link to a site that gives excellent personal attack alarms,

http://www.walkeasy.ltd.uk/pers.htm

these do the best alarms i have found, i have one and so do all my nearest and dearest. They are a good price too.
Wise investment.
Snoopy