Control - or lack of it

[RLM]

Hello
I have spent a couple of days looking around this site, and know that there are some people here who might be able to give me some advice.

I really want to know how I can regain control of my life. It feels like I'm holding onto the edge of a cliff with fingernails, and once I let go it'll be freefall all the way. It almost feels manic - very disconcerting. I have a fist the size of a football which feels like it's lodged in my stomach, and I'm permanantly tense and stressed.

I feel one hundred per cent powerless to do anything about it and I can't go on feeling like this - it's literally soul destroying.

I am scared of myself and what I might do when I feel like this, it is hateful.

Please help me.

[diana_holbourn]

Perhaps the first thing you ought to do is try some relaxation techniques; then when you're in a more relaxed frame of mind, you'll be in a better position to think about how best to resolve your problems. You might think of ways to gain control over certain things that you're too upset to think of now. There are quite a few websites that can advise on relaxation exercises, including this one:
http://www.twu.edu/o-sl/counseling/SH018.html
Some of the exercises it suggests sound a bit weird, but some might help a bit.

[RLM]

Relaxing is easier said than done. I can't close my eyes for what I'll see when I do. I can't sleep for the dreams, and every face I see in the street or voice I hear in the background is a reminder.

I'm sorry if I sound self-pitying. I don't mean to. I just feel like I'm living a really surreal life, the only way to not go over the edge is to fade out a bit. Sounds strange I know.

I'll try the techniques you suggested as a start. Thanks.

[diana_holbourn]

OK, don't close your eyes, but I've heard that physically tensing up the muscles all over your body, each in turn, and then relaxing them can help.

There are crisis lines around where you could ring up and talk through your problems with people, or mailing lists. There are a couple mentioned here for the UK:
http://survive.org.uk/crisis.html

And there's a list of phone lines and addresses of places you could turn to here, some of which phone lines aren't open all the time. First it mentions UK ones and then ones in other parts of the world:
http://survive.org.uk/links.html

[Snoopyseed]

hello RLM first of all hun, what you can do for yourself right now if you can is to go to holland and barret, and get some Bach flower rescue remedy, and book yourself an appointment with your GP.If you feel like this you need some support and you need some support right now, i know how hard it is, but you must look within yourself anf find the courgae to ask for help, you have done nothing to be ashamed of, i want you to know this and beleive this and there is no shame in asking for help either, it takes courage to reach out, but the rewards for reaching help is what you are aiming for, there are many therapies avaialbe to help you, i know for example that Reiki, and Hypnosis are very effective in helping you to deal with some of your problems, and counselling, and psychotherapy are extremely valaubale to any survivor, one thing you muts remeber is that you have survived a great truama, yes it was not fair that it happened to you, but look at yourself, you are still here, still fighting and still alive, you wont feel like this forver hun, you can feel better, i know ebcause i myself have been through many of the feelings you are talking about.Have a chat with your GP, what you tell them is confidential and if you have a male GP and prefer a Feamale, then this is your right to do so without giving a reason, what you tell them will be treated with the upmost respect and thye can help to put you in touch with many different therapies, local support groups, and can prescribe you medication, which again there is no shame in taking, that will help you in the short term to sleep, and help with things like anxiety which i know can be unbearabl;e at times, you will feel stronger and much better, when you are in some form of therapy, right now you need support, please also be brave enough to call the smamaritans if you feel really bad, not only are thye there to help suicidal people, thye are also there to help people who are in emotional distress, thye are trained counsellors, and can help you through the night, until the next morning when you can call your GP, dont be afarid to reach out hun, you have nothing to lose and plenty of support and healing to gain, good luck, and let me know if i can help in any way,
Snoopy