Obsessed by rape now

[Strugglingtomoveon]

I'm worried I'm not normal anymore. I was raped many years ago and it affected me a lot. I developed depression and eating disorders, i self harmed and thought about suicide. Eventually I've gotten to the stage where i feel numb about what happened to me. Except that I'm obsessed with rape. If there's a film with it in, i have to watch it, even though i know it will upset me. If there's a news story, I'll read it. I think about it a lot, and even find myself imagining it, though not usually about what actually happened to me.

What's the matter with me??

H x

[YearsOfHell]

Welcome to the forum.
Sorry to hear your story.
What happened to you has obviously had a devastating affect on you.

Please believe there is nothing wrong with you for feeling this way!
There is no right or wrong way to feel.

Did you ever have any sort of counselling at all?

Your GP will be able to refer you.
You need to talk to someone. Someone trained to help you.
You sound like you have come a long way and worked through some bad reactions you've had.
The journey is not a short one and you will need to take your time through it.

Keep going, you've come this far.
Get some help.

Big hugs
YoH

[AmandaF]

Sorry to hear your story, but in some ways, you HAVE moved on.
Have you been in touch with a rape crisis centre if there's no-one else you feel you can talk to?

[Strugglingtomoveon]

No i haven't had counselling for the rape, only for the eating disorders and even then i didn't mention the rape. I can't talk about it in person, the words just don't leave my mouth. I've only ever been able to write it down.

I really just want an online friend that i can talk to about it.

H x

[Strugglingtomoveon]

Does anyone else feel this way?

[Bene]

Does anyone else feel this way?

Hi struggling to move on,


I'm sorry you had to find yourself here. I'm sorry this happened to you.
Trust me you are not alone, I was the same after I was attacked.
How you feel is completely normal and natural. Regardless of whether it happened 5 minutes ago or 30 years ago. It takes time to heal and recover.

I would strongly suggest that yo consider counselling, it helped me a lot.
Perhaps try keeping a daily diary to record how you feel.

Recovery is a journey not a destination!!


I pray that God gives you peace abs comforts you and heals your wounds

Take care

God bless xx

[Lilyput]

I would consider counselling, you don't want to let attacker win by letting them control the outcome of your life, it's their demons that caused them to do what they did, don't take those demons on. Praying for you!

As for obsession I can relate completely, I've never been raped DP has been falsely accused of a historic rape. I have become obsessed with the perception of rapists in case CPS believe FA's lies. I went on internet data base yesterday and have been sick to my stomach since, I can't imagine my poor kids hearing such vile and sick things about their father. I even looked into changing my name by deed poll in case the worst happens. In reality though I think it's just a way to punish yourself and it isn't good for you. Distract yourself from things that give you unpleasant thoughts, watch a movie read a book on an unrelated topic. Have you been back to work or uni etc since the attack? I'm going back to work for the first since false accusation next week and even the thought of it is making a huge difference.

Sorry I know our situations are very different not pretending i can even begin to imagine but I'm here if you need a chat.

[Lilyput]

Sorry just saw your attack was years, I've misread two posts tonight not doing very well here.

[Bene]

Sorry just saw your attack was years, I've misread two posts tonight not doing very well here.

Lily don't be hard on yourself. We all have off days
Xx

[Strugglingtomoveon]

How did the false accusation happen? I'm sure it is horrible to go through. My rape was a long time ago and for a while i didn't even let myself register it as real. I just assumed it was my fault and punished myself. I still do to some extent but I'm realising that a lot of it was his fault too.

[Bene]

How did the false accusation happen? I'm sure it is horrible to go through. My rape was a long time ago and for a while i didn't even let myself register it as real. I just assumed it was my fault and punished myself. I still do to some extent but I'm realising that a lot of it was his fault too.

Hi,
Mine was nearly 2 years ago it feels like a lifetime ago yet I can remember ever like it happened yesterday. As long as you know if wasn't your fault and you didn't deserve it.
Recovery is a journey not a destination. Take time to heal.

X

[Lilyput]

OH helped someone years ago and let her stay over with three of mutual friends of theirs, she's now saying he raped her I've no idea why. I'm utterly heartbroken, so scared of my family being ripped apart. I know he didn't do it but I just cannot stay positive at all. I've not had a full night sleep for nearly eight weeks now.
By the way I very much doubt a rape was in anyway your fault so please do not blame yourself, please be kind to yourself.