Was it rape?

[AmandaF]

I've started a new thread, simply because I don't want an OP's original to be hijacked and another furore break out!

What I was saying on there is this- if you have to ask the question "Was I raped?" I would cautiously suggest the answer is "No". In the current sexual climate all waters are now muddied. If someone else SUGGESTS you have been raped that is dangerous territory imho.
It was in reply to a woman whose husband had sexual practices she did not like and he was also quite a control freak it would appear.
I was once in a relationship like this but I never felt it was rape- at times I was more than happy to have sex with him so to me it was something we didn't agree on.
I left after 20 years as I could no longer deal with his controlling attitude which became increasingly aggressive.

I admit I'm pushing 60 and was brought up in a more sexually strict society in some ways. Back then it was acknowledged that it was normal for teens at puberty to have same sex crushes. All it meant was that they were same sex crushes- now we have all this teenage angst about sexuality - again has society's attitude made it a problem where there wasn't one?

Was I raped?? It's like asking "Did I have an orgasm? Ladies- surely you would know??

[Lilyput]

This interests me as some of the things I've watched and read on the subject lately and I think by today's standards my first time (NOT with my lovely DP) would now be considered rape (thought i don't feel it was). At the time I told my close friends and it was simply considered as poor judgement on my part, no one said the R word. A boy i idolized and assumed I was dating made very clear sex was the only reason he'd invited me over when I started to change my mind he basically made it obvious if it didn't happen I'd never see him again, so it did, he never called anyway. Sorry for the TMI story but when experiences like this happen the girl is Naive and a bit foolish, the guy is definitely a jerk and a sleaze. But it isn't rape. Same as when I guy promises you the world then goes back to his wife etc that isn't rape either.
I think it's far too easy for a scorned woman to change a couple of details and get a guy arrested because things didn't go the way they wanted. If you are a consenting adult and can get up walk away and say no and you chose not too you weren't raped.

[Lilyput]

Though should guilting anybody male or female to do something they are uncomfortable with on a regular basis, is not right and is the sign of a really unhealthy relationship. If someone is using sex a method of blackmail or control I would really be looking to get out of that relationship, as it isn't good for you.

[AmandaF]

I just think we're heading to the increasing injustice done - if you have to ask the question, the answer's no,

i've seen teenage boys agonize over their sexuality because they thought they had a crush on a teacher say, or an older boy they admired.
Years ago they would have been told it's quite normal and doesn't mean anything other than they're growing up. Now it would be "Ok, let's explore these feelings. it's ok to be gay...." and all that but it's just adding to the problem.

[Lilyput]

I agree same with domestic violence an fb friend said hubby insulted her cooking and refused to eat it and the amount of people who told her it was abuse was unreal, it was out of order not abuse.