****in HATE the word

[rosemay09]

Bene- what you've said is what we all face as wrongly accused, but we can turn it round and say there are rarely witnesses to rape so was the crime committed?

In so many ways we are all facing the same kind of horrors- it's a pity we can't all sing from the same hymn sheet.

You want to know how I'm 1000 % certain my OH is innocent? One of his "crimes" was committed while we were out of the country. I could go on and on and on but it falls on deaf ears.

I've come across women who are in denial of their partner's crimes, one of our FA's for a start, but they certainly don't find their way to this forum

Bene, wasn't talking about you, you have to respect this coming from two victims who've been through the actual hell of rape not just accusations, we've gone through the physical hell and emotional scars AND the accusations.
Bene was talking about how we DO want to believe the best in people but if an ex-partner accuses someone of rape and you weren't around you have no place to be 100% certain of anything- guilt or innocence.
PLEASE have some respect for victims, this thread is OUR page not for falsely accused.

[rosemay09]

I've previously thought people were being harsh with you Bene but what you've said isn't nice. I don't think you can for a second understand the living hell of someone you love being falsely accused. I have no family around, don't work enough hours to support myself and my children, if this goes wrong I am completely alone and will loose everything, in every sense of the word. Yet in that instance it's me who will have to be strong. Supporting someone who's been falsely accused society judges you though you've done nothing wrong. You can't win. If you question him at all your not being supportive. If you stand by him your naive, it's horrible.

As for being 100 hundred percent sure, in our case there are witnesses, police said he was recommending NFA as in his own words her story doesn't add up. Solicitor called it farcical. FA met him three times, I've built a life and a family for years no ounce of violence towards women, surely I would know better.
I hate that word too it hangs over my life and I stand to loose my whole entire world on something that someone has randomly said happened before I met him.

There are tons and tons of sites and help for rape victims (as well there should be) but this site is also for the falsely accused and their families, even the Samaritans sounded judgmental can you imagine that? Having no where to turn, this site is it for some of us.

Bene was trying to help me. YOU cannot imagine the hell of going through rape and being accused of lying.
We never 100% know anyone, it's impossible.

[AmandaF]

It isn't a competition- these are both very real, horrible situations which do endless amounts of damage to all concerned.
Please do not compare the two in such an angry manner- you most likely have never been falsely accused so you cannot possibly know how that feels.

[rosemay09]

It isn't a competition- these are both very real, horrible situations which do endless amounts of damage to all concerned.
Please do not compare the two in such an angry manner- you most likely have never been falsely accused so you cannot possibly know how that feels.

No I'm not angry, im hurt at the lack of human decency and respect.
Every rape victim gets falsely accused of lying. This thread is about victims pain.

[AmandaF]

Which we all feel albeit for different reasons.

Lying about anything shows a lack of human decency. I have no idea how anyone can commit physical crimes against another or lie to destroy another person's life.

[AmandaF]

All I can say is you really have no idea about any of us on here. How do you know what any of us have been through other than what we post on here. How do we know you haven't made it up to get some man's attention?

Not nice is it?

I'll leave you to dwell in your own bitterness

[Bene]

I've previously thought people were being harsh with you Bene but what you've said isn't nice. I don't think you can for a second understand the living hell of someone you love being falsely accused. I have no family around, don't work enough hours to support myself and my children, if this goes wrong I am completely alone and will loose everything, in every sense of the word. Yet in that instance it's me who will have to be strong. Supporting someone who's been falsely accused society judges you though you've done nothing wrong. You can't win. If you question him at all your not being supportive. If you stand by him your naive, it's horrible.

As for being 100 hundred percent sure, in our case there are witnesses, police said he was recommending NFA as in his own words her story doesn't add up. Solicitor called it farcical. FA met him three times, I've built a life and a family for years no ounce of violence towards women, surely I would know better.
I hate that word too it hangs over my life and I stand to loose my whole entire world on something that someone has randomly said happened before I met him.

There are tons and tons of sites and help for rape victims (as well there should be) but this site is also for the falsely accused and their families, even the Samaritans sounded judgmental can you imagine that? Having no where to turn, this site is it for some of us.

Lily, I'm sorry I offended you but the truth isn't always lovely!!
Speaking from experience the guy who raped me I had known since I was 12, he was a great guy. If you knew him you wouldn't think he would be capable of that. I never thought he would do that to me. Till this day I sometime ask myself if he did it. But he did do it!! Any no matter how many I shouted it to nobody wanted to hear it) not because I'm lying but simply because the truth Is sometimes the hardest pill to swallow!!

I've been alone dealing with what happened to me for 2 years. I lost people I thought were ny friends who believed him than me.

If you have evidence to support his innocence than that's good for you.
There's many that don't. Like I said earlier on, our first instinct is always to believe the people we love, no one wants to think that there partner, brother son is a rapist. So we would always want to think the best of them. We all do it even me. But A rapist Is always someone son) someone brother, even husband, someone father)

[Lilyput]

I am a bit confused though Bene if you really feel this way why did you chose this particular site? Maybe a site or charity where you can help rape victims might be better, if you judge those that are falsely accused?
I'm not saying that to be horrible but I can tell you people who have been falsely accused have been judged enough...
Some people get raped and the rapists walk free, some people get falsely accused and it goes to court of worse prison. It sounds like your saying most people have been accused properly did do it. Surely every situation is different though?
We have a fair bit of evidence but I don't trust the police and am still so worried the worst will happen as I never imagined this would happen in the first place. If you had a relationship with the nicest person who's never even so much as shouted at you, suddenly got accused after years together with a story that doesn't make sense, wasn't even arrested and had witnesses would you split up your family? Over something so stupid?

[Casehardened]

I am a bit confused though Bene if you really feel this way why did you chose this particular site?

To be fair to Bene, Phil & Jo, the site owners. have set up this forum as a support mechanism for both those falsely accused of rape and rape victims.

.....whether this actually was a good idea is a moot point but obviously there is no requirement for folks to log onto sections of the forum where they feel they cannot offer support....

[Lilyput]

That's why I asked Bene as she has supported people who have been falsely accused previously? She's a regular poster and I always thought she did agree people could be accused and was there to support both victims of rape and false accusations.

[rosemay09]

That's why I asked Bene as she has supported people who have been falsely accused previously? She's a regular poster and I always thought she did agree people could be accused and was there to support both victims of rape and false accusations.

She was simply showing me support. You've some how made it a personal threat to you. I got scared out of this forum by the "falsely accused", a lot of the family friends come across very angrily and seem to feel everyone is falsely accused. That's not the case. Last night someone accused me of falsely accusing her boyfriend. I know what happened. She doesn't. But she's blinded by him being so manipulative. And I have to say, her making that comment was worse than anything the police asked me.
How can you expect true victims to come forward and seek help when you all come across so negatively.
This thread was true victim related. While the forum is for both, true victims should be allowed to speak without judgement.

[Lilyput]

If you read what i said earlier No i don't think everyone is falsely accused at all. I think some are some aren't, same as some rapists walk free and some don't. In cases with no evidence I think the police have a difficult job and often get it wrong and in those cases the person telling the truth has a horrible ordeal whether they are victim or accused. It sounded like Bene was saying she doubted a lot of people on here when she supported many of them, that's why i asked her. I wasn't addressing you at all.

[Bene]

She was simply showing me support. You've some how made it a personal threat to you. I got scared out of this forum by the "falsely accused", a lot of the family friends come across very angrily and seem to feel everyone is falsely accused. That's not the case. Last night someone accused me of falsely accusing her boyfriend. I know what happened. She doesn't. But she's blinded by him being so manipulative. And I have to say, her making that comment was worse than anything the police asked me.
How can you expect true victims to come forward and seek help when you all come across so negatively.
This thread was true victim related. While the forum is for both, true victims should be allowed to speak without judgement.

Rosemay Hun don't bother!! Just allow people to think what they want it's fine!!

I said what I Said, won't apologise for it. I meant it) if you don't like it and don't agree than it's fine!
If you want to be offended by it!! Than be offended by it. You can all sit here all day moaning about it if it makes you happy. I'm so beyond caring at this point!!!!
Don't need anyone's approval!! I've lasted 21 years without!
Thanks.
Lily regards to your last comments. Let me tell you a story, a criminal defence barrister gave a seminar in my uni 2 years ago) and people asked her How can you defend rapist and she said her job is not to determine people's guilt. That's the role of the jury, her job is to simply defend her clients the best way she can,
That's what I tell you, whenever I reply to any false accused post, I don't sit there trying to gather evidence to convict them) my job is not to determine their guilt or innocence. If they say they didn't do it, I would hope very much that they are being honest and I would like to take their word for it. I wasn't there) I just try my best to give support and comfort.

[Bene]

If you read what i said earlier No i don't think everyone is falsely accused at all. I think some are some aren't, same as some rapists walk free and some don't. In cases with no evidence I think the police have a difficult job and often get it wrong and in those cases the person telling the truth has a horrible ordeal whether they are victim or accused. It sounded like Bene was saying she doubted a lot of people on here when she supported many of them, that's why i asked her. I wasn't addressing you at all.

Lily please Don't speak for me! You don't know what I meant or intended Only I do)

[Lilyput]

How was I speaking for you?