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Hi, An incident happended five years ago and yet I am still confused, I really need someone to give me their insight into my question please. I went out for a nightout with some work colleagues. I had drunk quite heavily and at the end of the night I was happy I had had a good night but looking forward to getting home. I left my colleagues and caught the train home. When I got to my home town I got off the train and was heading to the exit. My memory is very patchy but I will try and tell what I remember. Suddenly this guy was infront of me, I don't know where he came from but was up really close. I remember wanting to get home. I didn't feel I could get pass him and the next thing I know is he is thrusting in and out of me, aswell as the awful smell on him. I remember thinking whats going on? and is this really happening? Next thing I know he's gone, disappeared, I don't remember him going all I know of next is that I am sobbing uncontrollably, feeling desperate to get home. Since then I have found that certain things freak me out, such as a particular item of clothing he was wearing or anyone who in my mind physically resembles him. What I am desperate to know is did I just get drunk and had a horrible one night stand or was I raped? The effect of that night these past years certainly feel it must of been more than a nasty one night stand but as I recall I didn't actually say no or defend myself. I am so confused, any opinions would be greatly appreciated.
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Hello.
I can't really help you answer you question, but have you tried calling a rape help line. Most area have a local one which you should hopefully be able to find by a google search.
It sounds like you may need some kind of counselling, both to help you deal with the incident, and possibly to try and help you regain those missing memories.
Jo
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